We all agree there’s something sleazy and creepy about the whole recruitin’ process. And yet, like gawkers on the highway driving by a particularly gruesome wreck, we can’t look away.
We sneer at the coaches that text message these seventeen and eighteen year old boys so much that they force the kids to cancel their phone contracts because they can’t afford the bills from the texting. At the same time, we’re dropping our hard earned scratch on recruiting “services” that at their best sound like high school gossips (“did ‘ya hear what Johnny got on his SAT?”) and at their worst are nothing more than glorified football pimps.
To make matters worse, if you’re a Dawg fan, right now you’re feeling something ranging from mild anxiety to raging… um… well, rage. Kids have been spurning our school the past three weeks (except for Kevin Butler’s son, and everyone knows that kickers don’t count) like it’s caught herpes simplex 7. Florida and Tennessee are kicking Georgia’s ass! The borders aren’t closed anymore (nothing some electrified fencing and Dobermans can’t fix, right?)! Richt’s own son is going to Clemmins (not that anyone cared one way or another about this kid two weeks ago)!
Deep breaths, ladies and gents, deep breaths. Take ‘em. Feel better? No? Well, I feel for you. I’ve been scouring the ‘net looking for a balm to soothe your jangled nerves and I’m gonna try to help.
First, try to learn how to make these recruiting services be your friend. Follow this blogger’s tips and you’ll be in control of the process in no time at all. (Sadly, I’ve seen every one of those points offered in a serious way on one Dawg message board or another over the past couple of weeks.)
A false sense of confidence based on a degree of denial isn’t working for you? How about a sick sense of guilt to take your mind off of things? According to Mark Bradley in the AJC today, Herschel and the Dawgnation are responsible for all of today’s recruiting craziness anyway. I guess it’s kinda like a disease vector: one day some guy is sitting in the jungle noshing on monkey and – bam! – the next thing you know, you’ve got an international epidemic on your hands.
More chilled monkey brains, Mr. Cavan?
Per Bradley, “The chase for Herschel was the flashpoint for the evolution of a low-key ritual into a high-volume mania.” Who knew that Mike Cavan being holed up in some cheap Wrightsville motel like someone on the lam would lead to Jamie Newberg? It’s all our fault. Revel in it.
But what if guilt doesn’t take your mind off of the frustration any better than denial? Well, there’s always mockery, like Spurrier’s famous quote after he kicked Goff’s ass in ’91:
“Why is it that during recruiting season they sign all the great players, but when it comes time to play the game, we have all the great players? I don’t understand that. What happens to them?”
Of course, for that approach to work for us with the Gators we’d need to see some wins.
If nothing works for you, face it, you’re probably a recruiting loser. Know that’s you he’s referring to in the last line from that Loser With Socks post linked above:
Hope this helps guide you through next Wednesday as your team attempts to win the only title that matters: The Recruiting National Championship.