You know, we live in a world where there’s all kinds of humor to be enjoyed. For me, speaking broadly, comedy falls into two categories: there’s stuff that’s meant to be funny and there’s stuff that’s unintentionally funny.
College football certainly isn’t immune from that.
You want unintentional funnies? The AJ-C today has an article that links to the website of an academic organization made up of college professors, the Coalition on Intercollegiate Athletics, that has just adopted a series of proposals for some radical changes in how schools should conduct their athletic programs.
Among other things, the proposals call for:
- uniform admission standards, as well as “uniform academic profiles” and “special admission standards” (whatever those are – I suspect that’s code for maintaining all the other exceptions for admission standards, like legacies, affirmative action or financial contributions) for all incoming applicants, including student athletes
- no programs or majors either designed or maintained to keep student athletes eligible
- athletic eligibility based on a 2.0 average
- coaches would no longer control the revocation of an athletic scholarship
- campus athletics would be monitored an overseen by a Campus Athletic Board which would be comprised primarily of academics to which the AD would report
Here’s the laugher:
“If these proposals were implemented at most schools, most of the problems currently associated with intercollegiate athletics would disappear,” said Nathan Tublitz, co-chair of the Coalition on Intercollegiate Athletics and a biologist at the University of Oregon.
No kidding, Nathan! That’s because if these proposals were implemented, intercollegiate athletics as we know them would immediately cease to exist.
I’m surprised there’s nothing in the Coalition’s proposals about what to do with suddenly empty athletic facilities – after all, some of those stadiums and arenas sit on prime real estate. Maybe that will appear in their next white paper.
Oh, and be sure to peruse the last section, titled Fiscal Responsibility. It’s their power play to rein in coaching salaries, although it strikes me as superfluous. If the rest of their proposals were implemented, college coaches would wind up making less than their high school counterparts. Who’d want the job?
As for something purposefully funny, check out this post on the worst mascots in D-1 athletics. You may quibble about the order – just on general principle, I’d rank Buzz much higher – but not the overall spirit. It’s damned funny. (h/t Saurian Sagacity)
You’d drink, too, if you had to wear this.