Why I hate ESPN: reason #2874

Words fail me:

Next week’s College Football Live — a weekday afternoon studio show dedicated to college football aired generally at 3:30 p.m. on ESPN — will feature daily analysis, news, interviews and a special weeklong focus on Notre Dame from May 11-15, including interviews with head coach Charlie Weis and quarterback Jimmy Clausen.

John Saunders (Monday and Tuesday), Kevin Negandhi (Wednesday) and Jonathan Coachman (Thursday and Friday) will host next week’s programs. Analyst Ed Cunningham will work Monday through Wednesday, while Rod Gilmore will provide analysis on Thursday and Friday. Joe Schad will serve as the reporter each day.

The schedule of Notre Dame-specific topics and guests for May 11-15:

Monday, May 11

  • A discussion on what Notre Dame needs to do to return to prominence and a BCS bowl; George Smith’s conversation with Weis and guard Eric Olsen as guest

Tuesday, May 12

  • A breakdown of the offense, an in-depth look at the depth chart and players to watch this season; with assistant coach Corwin Brown as guest

Wednesday, May 13

  • A breakdown of the defense, an in-depth look at the depth chart and players to watch this season; with safety Kyle McCarthy as guest

Thursday, May 14

  • A discussion on impact players who must step up to get Notre Dame back to a BCS bowl; with linebacker Brian Smith as guest

Friday, May 15

  • What to expect this season, and a game-by-game breakdown of the schedule with a season-record prediction; with Jimmy Clausen as guest

Don’t forget to set your DVRs. (h/t Holly @ Doc Saturday)

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14 Comments

Filed under Charlie Weis Is A Big Fat..., ESPN Is The Devil

14 responses to “Why I hate ESPN: reason #2874

  1. How nice…one day for each win.

  2. Bulldog Bry

    I understood the Florida week, painful as it was, b/c they just won the MNC. But this is lame, even by their standards.

  3. Ubiquitous GA Alum

    Tebow must be out of the country this week …

  4. heyberto

    This doesn’t add to the pressure on Weis… if he can’t do something with the Irish this year (like win a bowl game.. if they get to one…). he’ll be done there.

  5. Dog in Fla

    I thought the domers owned NBC not ESPN.

    • Seriously

      NBC is contractually obligated to be Notre Dame’s fluffer. ESPN just seems to enjoy the taste.

  6. Left to Right

    Actually, I can’t wait for the game-by-game predictions and overall season record prediction. Hopefully they will get Weis and Claussen to offer their opinions as to which games the Irish ought to win. Even if they don’t, it should provide nice motivation for their opponents to hear the ESPN choir go, “Oh yeah, Notre Dame should have no trouble beating THAT TEAM.”

  7. Nebakanezer

    They could save a lot of time by giving us Coach Lou’s prognosis:

    Chris Fowler: “Coach, give us your breakdown of Notre Dame in 2009.”

    Coach Lou: “13-0. National Championship. Clausen will win the Heisman Trophy and @#$% Tim Tebow’s girlfriend with the trophy. Touchdown Jesus will be torn down and replaced by All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Charlie’s Continuous Supper. Pete Carroll will come out of the closet and all 2010 USC commitments will sign with Notre Dame.”

    Mark May: “That’s a bit of a stretch don’t you think?”

    Coach Lou: “Shut your piehole and fetch me my slippers”

    • Dog in Fla

      Coach Lou (coughs, does a deep wheezing inhale, coughs again, spits, turns face away from camera two) and barks at Mark May again saying: “And you can also change my diaper, feed me some rice pudding and then, after that, get the heck off my lawn! Where’s Charlie? I need a hug…”.

  8. Who still watches CFB Live?

  9. Pingback: Friday News and Notes: Manny Ramirez and the College Baseball Stretch Run | MrSEC.com

  10. digidy dawg

    Yes I hate ESPN, and & also watch it a lot. I don’t understand it, but I don’t know any other way to get my college football fix. Every year it becomes harder to make it between Jan. & Sept. ESPN is like my dealer. They don’t care about me or my opinion’s, nor do they care if I live or die, but they give me what I need to make it through the day. Bye the way, does any one else cringe every time a new MLB scandle comes to life. You either have to turn off ESPN or listen to them repeat themselves for days on end.

  11. Dog in Fla

    ESPN, Sunday, May 17, 2009, Encore Performance because the Golden Dome Monday through Friday ratings were so great with Extravaganga Special Live Commencement Edition because Obama’s there now.

    Commencement Exercise. Notre Dame, South Bend, Indiana. Weather: the usual seasonal snow with sleet:

    Just as Obama steps up to podium at Notre Dame commencement and starts telling the domers that he remembers as a boy, his mother telling him that way back when she was young, Notre Dame used to actually have a football team before Lou ran it off track, Head Coach Charlie Weiss bungee jumps off top of the Touchdown Jesus library, rockets down like an attack hawk and, on downstroke, with beak no hands, grabs and takes a plastic fetus from the straw hands of an Obama effigy wearing Muslim garb.

    On upstroke, Charlie with deft toss of beak laterals plastic fetus to Clausen who yells for Obama to go long, leading Obama too much trying to make him fall off platform. Clausen spirals the fetus. Obama stretches, full-body length, amazingly catches fetus with one hand, keeping one foot on platform, maintaining control, does other hand flip off platform and tosses plastic fetus behind his back to swooning hot blond chick in front row.

    In celebration Obama high fives/terrorist fist bumps the dazed 68 Bishops opposed to him getting an honorary degree, shouting as he passes them a la Muhammed Ali f/k/a Cassius Clay to Floyd Patterson, “What’s my name! Is my name Barack Hussein Obama? Say it! What’s my name, fools!”

    Obama does two-hand front flip back onto stage, lights a Chesterfield and tells the graduating domers that although some would say that it’s like torture trying to catch a pass from Clausen, it’s important to look forward, not back and that most importantly, when someone, anyone, tells you to go long or duck, do it.

  12. Hobnail_Boot

    It’s May. Is this really a problem?