Kiffin watch: it’s all part of the plans

By now, you’ve probably heard the news that Junior’s been shot down by another quarterback prospect, Jesse Scroggins, who’s evidently decided that being the fourth string quarterback at Southern Cal is a more attractive prospect than duking it out for first string at Tennessee.

There’s no need to panic, though.  As the linked article notes, Plan D (I confess that I’m not exactly sure where in the alphabet UT is right now with quarterbacks) is an obscure JUCO kid out of California.  There’s a Plan E, to boot, as the Tennessee boards are excited about Coach O extending an offer to a recruit who is currently committed to San Diego State.

You’d have to figure that the bar is being set low enough at this point for Junior to score one of the great recruiting successes of the modern era, but just in case these fall through too, I have a few other suggestions that might be worth considering.

  • Plan F:  Have the governor declare war on Kentucky, name the Tennessee football team the official state army and draft all of the quarterbacks currently on the Vanderbilt roster.
  • Plan G:  Petition the NCAA to rule that the arm Casey Clausen didn’t use against Georgia still has some eligibility remaining.
  • Plan H:  Have some Tennessee high school give diplomas to Eric Berry’s younger brothers and enroll them in the program as part of the class of 2010.
  • Plan I:  Bryce Brown and the single wing, bitches!
  • Plan J:  Get Mike Slive to ban the quarterback position in the interest of fostering greater parity in the SEC.
  • Plan K:  Ask the NCAA to grant every 2008 UT offensive player an additional year of eligibility on the grounds that the Clawfense constituted a medical hardship.

Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments.  After all, we’re here to help, right?

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UPDATE: While we’re on the subject of plans, what to make of this comment by Junior to Mike Slive?

“Any violation we created or committed was not done on purpose,” Kiffin said.

Translation:  everything I’ve done so far has been purposeful, unless it’s going to get the program in trouble.

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UPDATE #2: Sigh.

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UPDATE #3: Plan D worked!  Woo hoo!

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15 Comments

Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin

15 responses to “Kiffin watch: it’s all part of the plans

  1. The “Master Plan” sounds more like the “Flexible Plan” every day.

  2. godawg

    How do you accidently “create” ?

  3. mant

    Plan G: Petition the NCAA to rule that the arm Casey Clausen didn’t use against Georgia still has some eligibility remaining.

    Gold Senator, GOLD !!!

    Thanks for starting my Friday off with a laugh….

  4. Ubiquitous GA Alum

    Plan L: Have the Governor of TN give GA rights to draw water from the TN river if UGA will give UT one Elite 11 QB every 4 years.

    • NCT

      Excellent suggestion, but why stop at the right to draw water? Make them go ahead and cede was is rightfully ours and move the border up so that stretch of the river is squarely within our borders.

  5. Dog in Fla

    Re: Update #2: Bridge of Sighs

    Lane, the Johnny Knoxville Jester, closing act and grand finale to the Hoot on Hooverville, has a short set of only three songs

    Only Paul Finebaum and Wally Hall can shake themselves out of the Obama-like trance under which Lane has put the rest of the audience, to think to pull out and flic their Bics to signal Lane to come out for an encore. Lane, a seasoned entertainer and planner, comes back out to shouts of adoration and hits it with an acoustical

    While the crowd of a dozen or so of The SEC Sportwriters are still going wild singing along with Lane’s encore even after he stops, Mike Slive takes the microphone from Lane and re-intros Mark Richt. Mark tells the audience that he does not think that his performance yesterday has yet to make believers out of the doubters of the dog defense and tells them that he is going to let them onto the following secret so things will be better this season

    The remainder of the crowd yells and screams and pulls out their Bics to fire a big dog off and smoke it in celebration.

  6. Left to Right

    So Lane thinks he’s going last because he’s the grand finale of Media Days:

    “They said at the SEC meetings that (the media) would take off early and leave before this year. They said they made sure I was last so everyone would stay, and we’d break the record of having 1,000 people down there.”

    And the Vol blogger thinks Lane is going on Friday afternoon because he is a “rock star” of college coaches.

    Hey Lane and the Vol Nation: Friday afternoons aren’t the times for “rock star” news events, they are the times reserved for dumping bad and/or embarrassing news. There’s a reason for this. Releasing bad/embarrassing news on Friday afternoons helps bury it, because by lunchtime Friday most people are more concerned with their weekend plans than with what’s going on in world.

    So Kiffin-Koolaide-Vollies, the SEC media people did indeed intentionally schedule Lane for the last slot on Friday afternoon. But it wasn’t because they consider him the “grand finale”. It’s because they know that if he says something stupid, it won’t receive the same amount of coverage on a Friday as it would on say a Wednesday. Simply put, the SEC media people don’t trust Kiffin to get through his Q&A unscathed.

    • Dog in Fla

      True. Friday afternoons are for news dumps http://wallstreetjackass.typepad.com/raptureready/2008/08/fdic-friday-new.html

      Friday afternoons are also a strategic time for politicians to release news dumps, because fewer people are reading.

      This is why Obama spoke on controversial topics just before this past weekend, and why they let me post more on Fridays.

      But in the spirit of bipartianship and cooperation between warring SEC football operations, news dump time doesn’t necessarily have to exclude Friday afternoons from also serving as a time for Vol fan idolatry of Lane, which to some, serves as a grand finale dump of some kind.

  7. Okay, I just read the second update over at RTT. Look; I get it, you’re excited about your coach and you should be. At what point do his actions turn from “creating buzz” and “master planning” to embarassing your University? That’s what drives me up the wall about the Tennessee fans and their incessant claims of “Tennesee football is fun again”. I certainly would have been embarassed in 2001 had Mark Richt started acting like a fool. Look, Lane Kiffin might take the SEC by storm and surpass Urban Meyer as the premier name in the conference. Who knows?

    That’s the point though; who knows? He might go out there and win a bunch of games and this “new model” will look brilliant. Or he’ll flop, be fired in three years, and Tennessee will be wondering why in the hell they hired him in the first place.

    Can’t you just go out there and win without all the hoopla and other crap that goes along with it? Let your coaching and the games speak for themselves. Don’t make yourself out to be a bigger sideshow attraction than the team you coach. I just don’t get it and I don’t get why Tennessee fans are so giggity about this guy that hasn’t proven a thing at any level of coaching other than he was half responsible for scoring a bunch of points with one of the most talented offenses in the history of college football.

  8. JP

    HAHAHA! Thank you Senator, I am new to your blog and I am loving it.

  9. The Realist

    Where was Lamaison’s mind exactly? Obviously it wasn’t in the right place, but where is this wrong place? Is Knoxville a good place to be for someone who can’t seem to locate his mind… nevermind. Sometimes the most obvious is also the most obscure.

    • Lamaison said he was also pursued by North Dakota State and Utah State before deciding to enroll at UT.

      Nothing says five stars quite like that, does it?

      What I can’t figure out is why UT was worried Scroggins might be scared off by Lamaison, but isn’t worried about Bray.

  10. Dog in Fla

    “UPDATE #3: Plan D worked!”

    and Plan E is still in the works.
    The Vol Friday afternoon news dump continues:

    Live-blogging Lane Kiffin
    by cocknfire

    1:03 p.m. ET The plan is one reluctantly implemented. “I have not loved everything that I’ve done. I have not loved everything that I’ve had to do. But in my opinion it had to be done.”

    1:05 p.m. ET Ed Oregeron enters the room shirtless and belly dances his way through the crowd of reporters. After Orgeron leaves, Kiffin nods and proclaims the performance “crunk.” He tweets to Jesse Scroggins: “What do u think abt UT now?”

    1:06 p.m. ET Jesse Scroggins blocks Lane Kiffin on Twitter.

    1:19 p.m. ET On Orgeron: “Ed’s up at 4, and he’s had his four Red Bulls by 4:20.”