Hmm… maybe Nick Lamaison is that intimidating a player.
Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin, Recruiting
Global War on Lane – Crisis of the Day (COD) Piece, 29 July 2009:
Chemistry Building, UT, Green Zone, Knoxville –
Lane and Coach O have commandeered the organic chemistry lab because they are now down to Plan E, or in code, Plan Echo, which means Everything is going as Expected.
After the Incredible Recruiting Machine whiffed on Scoggins and the SDSU verbal, the enemies are scoffing at the recruiting machine that Lane has assembled.
Lane will have none of that.
Lane needs to prevent a mutiny, at least before his first game in The SEC, so he has asked O to meet him in the chem lab and bring some of O’s gris gris materials so they can start working on some type of a compound that they can use on recruiting trips to lure quarterbacks to Knoxville.
According to The Plan, Lane can deftly shift responsibility and turn various recruiting setbacks magically into victories by doing little things, like blaming Marlon’s grandmother, calling Urban names, calling Pahokee names and other rhetorical devices.
Now it’s fixed in Lane’s mind, at least with the two latest QB snubs from California, (1) It’s Always Sunny in California – I know because I, Lane, used to in better times live there and I now live in Knoxville, or (2) Lamaison was the highest rated JUCO QB that Lane had on his draft board, or both.
While Lane is daydreaming causing his safety googles fog up, O has taken it upon himself to synthesize and distill ethanol. Lane snaps out of it and sees that O, at another work station, is trying to reduce some ketones, stirring the beaker with a thermometer, no hood vent on.
Lane flips the vent switch on, and tells O, “I’m relying on you for this one, let’s get it right this time.”
O, unbuttoning his shirt and taking his helmet and pads off, tells Lane, “No problem, chief. I am going to get this one right this time.”
“I knew I could count on you,” Lane replies, “you are my best friend forever.” O smiles and says, “Right, boss…,” chuckles and goes back to stirring whatever it is that’s in his beaker. Lane says, “Shouldn’t you be using a flask instead of a beaker…”. O points and stares and Lane goes back to daydreaming again knowing he has plenty of time because it’s still a hundred or so days ’til his very first kickoff in The SEC.
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