Kiffin watch: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

As we already know from the outbreak of shirt-ripping, chest-baring, Wild Boyz-mania that grips Knoxville on occasion, Junior and his staff aren’t above borrowing motivational gimmicks from other, more successful programs.

So in that light, you might wonder if the source of this moment of theater comes from the Laner’s previous place of employment.

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Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin

5 responses to “Kiffin watch: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

  1. Tom Cable couldn’t hold Monte’s jock.

  2. Dog in Fla

    Global War on Lane (GWOL) Crisis of the Day (COD) Piece

    “Requiem For A Day Off.”

    Best Boosted Music Original Score in an Another Academy Award Winning Short Film starring:

    Lane as Ferris
    Mike Hamilton as Principal Rooney (Best Supporting Actor Nominee)
    O as Best Friend Forever of Ferris
    Layla One as Girlfriend of Ferris (Super-Hot Vixen Winner)
    Layla Two as Sister of Ferris
    Head Coach Pat Summit as Mother of Ferris (Best Make-Up and Special Effects Winner)
    Monte as Daddy of Ferris
    Lance as Charlie Sheen

    [Preview]

    I-40 East.

    On the Greyhound, after Lane’s release from captivity on Friday the Fourteenth, Lane, his ears still ringing from the music torture session laid upon him at the Ryman, was on the way back from Nashville to Knoxville and well behind schedule. Lane had some time until departure so he took a cab to Opry Mills to buy himself some cowboy boots, even though he had promised Nick and Urban he would not to buy any boots because of what Widespread Panic says and a cowboy hat from RCC Western Wear store plus a half-dozen bottles of Code Blue Buck Urine Gel from Bass Pro. The being-Southern thing administered on him had not yet worn off.

    The stop at the Crossville Greyhound took too long because the rent-a-cop on duty there got busy sacrificing a couple of meth heads who tried unsuccessfully to board without tickets. The rent-a-cop whose last job ended up in him getting fired from Blackwater for being too sadistic, beat them with his party-sized Mag-Lite easily knocking with one hit what was left of their back-teeth out but kept on beating them for sport. The rent-a-cop somehow reminded Lane of Tom Cable who is now the indentured servant to Al Davis and Roger Goodell.

    Lane gave the rent-a-cop his card and told him he could be a graduate assistant if he could somehow manage to get through a cursory security check. The rent-a-cop momentarily stopped beating the meth heads, thanked Lane and told him he might call if he could ever get his sh!t together but didn’t know when that would be, was pretty sure he could not get any security clearance and went back at it beating the meth heads senseless.

    Lane thought to himself, “Doggone it, I am a good recruiter…Everyone does like me!” Then he remembered Marlon’s grandmamma and the Pahokee mayor.

    The Greyhound had to slow after the driver hit a pack of feral dogs running across I-40 chasing a fast possum. Because the bus driver was too busy pointing and staring at the possum, he didn’t notice the pack and ran right through at full speed. The driver could not pick back up highway speed again until the last of the dog carcasses had finally been slung out of the wheel wells and fallen off the axles. Lane saw what was left of a dog head bouncing across the I-40 median. The dog head looked like it had a big smile. Lane took that a sign that he would beat Georgia.

    When the bus hit the pack, the impact spilled what was left of Lane’s RC onto his lap. But he had already eaten enough of the stale Goo Goo’s given to him by Nick and Urban to be on an awesome sugar high. And it was just as well that he didn’t have anymore RC to drink. Lane didn’t want to go in the head on the bus to take a leak. Some bum had been blowing tubes in it since the departure from the Nashville bus station and the smell of napalm had already permeated through and saturated all of the inside of the bus although the bum hadn’t even opened the door to come out.

    Some do-gooder chick sitting in the bus front row, where else, stood up and tried to take a vote of the passengers to stop and help the hit dogs. The driver said they were all dead, for her to shut up and sit down and with his right arm was reaching back trying to backhand her but she kept dodging his swats just like all kids in the South who grew up riding in the backseat of their Daddy’s car learned to do.

    After getting over the initial shock of thinking that the bus had blown multiple recaps, was going to roll and they were all going to die, most passengers cheered the hitting of the dogs and yelled at the woman to sit and shut up or the same thing would happen to her. She got no votes to stop the bus, sat down and some of the rowdies on a rush from thinking they were going to die in a rollover threw some take-out boxes of leftover moo-goo gai-pan and used chopsticks at her, moved her to the back of the bus and made her squat gook-style in the aisle.

    Lane thinks back to his better days at Dollywood and tries to re-think, or maybe even think, how did ninja Nick and Urban catch him? Was it because of the pool boy? Lane thought maybe the no-tip thing was karma catching up to him. Was it because of Layla Two who quit the day before Lane was captured by Nick and Urban?

    Lane stares out the window, has melancholy remembrances of Dollywood but now knows it’s off limits for he’ll have to find another place to vacation to for his master planning sessions. Johnson City? Maybe. Except it’s the birthplace of Spurrier. But Lane thinks because Spurrier is about as old as Monte, no one up there is still alive to remember Spurrier, so maybe Johnson City would work.

    Once Lane gets back to the Knoxville Greyhound Station, he knew he first had to make a taxi stop at his McMansion just to make sure Layla One hadn’t quit on him like Layla Two did. His Ferrarri still should be in Dollywood unless Nick or Urban took it when they captured him from there the other day. Lane didn’t think so, but who can tell about anything anymore.

    Lane stares out the window and points. He can’t remember the exact order of Urban’s signature move. Is it stare and point or point and stare? Lane keeps telling himself that a signature move is a big deal and he won’t forget it. Somehow he still keeps forgetting it. Lane knows he needs a signature move. When with the Raiders Lane only suspended Hanson for saying Lane was a bad coach but Cable broke Hanson’s jaw on a sucker punch and now has the signature call line of “Cable Bumaye.”

    Lane wondered what the heck a Bumaye was but knows the Raider players came up with it so it’s probably some kind of a foreign cuss word. What a badass is Cable! Lane thought he needed to ramp up him being a badass too but couldn’t think of any of his coaches he could get away with hitting even on a sucker punch.

    Passengers in the back of bus by Lane were too busy throwing new garbage at the do-gooder chick squatted in the aisle and paid no attention to Lane’s stare and point, thinking that he was just another crazy Greyhound frequent flyer like they were. That gang liked to think of themselves as interval resort owners with the travel arrangements being just another Greyhound headed to the destination of nowhere.

    Lane recollects about the warp-speed action of all of his days, weeks and months of pre-season combat in the Green Zone, Memphis, Pahokee, Destin and Birmingham and how little R ‘n R in Dollywood he actually got for that hard-earned combat duty.

    [Feature]

    Lane knew that he earned a lot more than he got but realizes now that it’s all been nothing more than a

    “Requiem For A Day Off”:

  3. wow

    someone has WAY too much time on their hands

  4. HamDawg11

    Apparently I have too much time on my hands because I read the whole thing.