Kiffin watch: “You don’t want to go to a college where they ain’t pretty.”

To absolutely no one’s surprise, the NCAA is digging into some of Tennessee’s recruiting tactics, per the New York Times.

All you “it’s part of the plan” believers should appreciate this:

… Kiffin’s numerous secondary N.C.A.A. violations could be a factor or might have prompted the investigation.

“Secondaries mean something to the N.C.A.A.,” Evrard said in a telephone interview. “It’s very telling if an institution continues to report secondaries particularly if they’re in the same category. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and keep reporting it, that would trigger the N.C.A.A.’s enforcement staff to possibly go in and look at some of that activity.”

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UPDATE: 2,300+ words about why there’s nothing to this story, followed by an update to an official comment from the school that includes this statement:  “We are concerned about the alleged activities of some members of the Orange Pride. Both university and NCAA guidelines are a part of the Orange Pride’s orientation and training. If those guidelines were violated, we will take appropriate action.”

God, I love Clay Travis.  If there’s a press conference one day, maybe he’ll get the chance to ask if these girls are saving themselves for marriage.

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18 Comments

Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin, Recruiting, The NCAA

18 responses to “Kiffin watch: “You don’t want to go to a college where they ain’t pretty.”

  1. NebraskaDawg

    Yeah, I’m sure that hot college girls just take it upon themselves to drive 200 miles out of the way to see a football player they’ve never heard of

  2. NebraskaDawg

    “You don’t want to go to a college where they ain’t pretty.”
    —————-
    Rules out Georgia Tech

  3. Brandon

    For Alabama fans this truly has to be “the best of times”.

    • Scooter

      As an Alabama fan, it is certainly the best of times.

      Seriously, how did anyone not see this coming? It is just a matter of time before Tenn. goes down the road we, Alabama fans, know all to well.

      • Brandon

        I have a sibling who is a Bama alum, have always liked you guys and Ole Miss after UGA, I am happy for you all especially after you were down for so long, enjoy it, and thanks for making Tebow cry.

  4. MT

    Maybe JaWuan James’ recruitment opens back up…..

  5. Left to Right

    I love the fact that the UT message board hicks seem to have played a role in focusing the investigation on Vol “hostesses” (Didn’t Tiger have himself a couple of those?). It’s great to see VOL FAN types be the one to help do in their own program.

  6. RC

    Wait until they get a load of the file with Bryce Brown’s name on it. They’re just gonna love that one…

  7. Turd Ferguson

    There’s a joke about Phil Fulmer and Hostess cupcakes somewhere in the vicinity …

    • Dog in Fla

      …but thankfully no one here will make that joke out of respect for Phil’s strictly monogamous relationship with multiple Krispy Kremes…

  8. Dog in Fla

    Global War on Lane (GWOL) Crisis of the Day (COD) Piece, “Intrastate and Interstate Commerce”, (extended version), 9 December 2009

    Underground bunker, Green Zone, Knoxville

    1130 hours, Department of Fatherland Security Damage Control briefing

    Monte, being down in Tampa relaxing for awhile, lets Lane conduct the DFS briefings. Monte thinks no harm, no foul, so what could Lane do to foul this up while we wait for whatever Bowl it is we are going to.

    Layla Two, the super-hot blonde student intern who previously tried to quit but couldn’t do so without losing her financial aid work-study package, hands Lane the daily intel report and a cup of Starbucks triple expresso con leche. Lane still thinks he’s drinking a vente vanilla latte but Layla Two has done a switch and feeds him this sugared-up triple expresso because she likes to see Lane even more wired up than he usually is.

    Coach O is out in Malibu hanging with Pete and super-hot blonde USC grad students because Pete is begging O to come back to inner-city LA and help rescue Pete before Pete gets canned and/or caned after the sh!tty season he’s had and has to go back the NFL for big boy stuff which Pete already knew before even Spurrier and Saban that the pros don’t give a sh!t what you say, they’re going to do what it is they want to do anyway and the coaches can go do something to themselves. College is much much better because you’ve got indentured servants as players so you can really jerk them around.

    Anyway, Layla Two directs Lane to the IIIrd Saturday in Blogtober report done by Ghost of Neyland and tells Lane to read it. Lane who is wearing a captain’s hat kind of like Lane saw the Vanderbilt Commodore mascot wearing. Lane is rolling around three big shiny stainless steel ball bearings in his hand and tells Layla Two to read the intel to him because Lane wants to concentrate on where are the ball bearings. She does so. In that report

    http://www.3sib.com/2009/12/09/tennessee-recruiting-being-investigated-by-ncaa/#more-13803

    Ghost says he doesn’t know the rules well enough to comment on the Vol hostesses traveling squad and asks that anybody who is able to shed some light on the traveling squads in-state and out-of-state trips to high school games that only by coincidence have top-notch stud HS recruits playing in the games feel free to comment on.

    Lane says so what and asks Two for some strawberries. Lane says more secondaries so what? Who cares? Slive can fine Urban another $30k. That’ll dehydrate Urban even more than he already is.

    Layla Two tells Lane she doesn’t know anything about strawberries and says maybe these secondaries could turn into be primaries with the ultimate result being that Lane would have to give up this sweet gig and go back to the NFL which is just where Pete, Spurrier and Saban don’t want to return to under any circumstances, imaginable or otherwise.

    Lane says first he didn’t have anything to do with it, hear, see or say anything about it and that he’ll respond to those pesky NCAA investigators just like this curly-headed guy…

    Two asks Lane if he took any con law class. Lane looks at her. Blankly. Two reads this to him…

    http://wise.fau.edu/~tunick/courses/conlaw/mann.html

    Lane interrupts before she finishes and says he didn’t transport anybody, anywhere for any purpose. Lane then asks if all the Vol hostesses are over the age of 18. Two looks at Lane. Blankly.

    Lane tells Two that he can’t control and simply just refuses to meddle in the affairs of co-eds and even if they ever did anything wrong, which is simply not the case, everything is cool. Lane says he refuses to do anything that would dampen the rah rah sis boom bah school spirit of co-eds. Whose Rocky Top they are mounting on, if there is any mounting, is none of his business. And in the highly unlikely event that even if any of them did do anything wrong as long as they are not under oath it should be okay because who do they have to tell.

    Two asks Lane if he knows Tiger Woods. Lane says sure, Tiger’s an A-List celeb. Therefore Lane knew him especially when he stopped over in Malibu to visit Pete and make presentations free of charge to super-hot blonde USC grad student chicks.

    Two tells Lane to call Tiger and ask how well relying on people not to say bad sh!t about you works. Lane hands his cell to Two and tells her to call Tiger whose number is on Lane’s speed dial. Two dials, puts the cell on speaker, Tiger doesn’t answer but Two and Lane listen to his message…

    Lane says that’s strange. Two says Tiger’s got so much going on that maybe he’s confused and doesn’t whether he’s coming or going on voicemail. Lane says so what and Two says to Lane, pay attention you don’t want the confusion catching up to you. Lane tells Two that he unlike Tiger didn’t have his eye on anybody except Layla One. Two says that’s so but Two reminds Lane that whenever Monte is MIA, Lane has to act like a person supposedly in charge so he therefore has responsibility for people under his command. Lane looks at Two blankly.

    Lane says that doesn’t include boosters does it and if so that’s so unfair because they didn’t do anything that a primary violation and no matter how many secondaries you get you can’t add them up to get a primary. Two says yes you can, it’s regression to the mean.

    Lane asks for enforcement purposes only who the next prez of the NCAA is going to be and Two says smart money is on Michael Adams from Georgia, the team Monte and you whipped for your very first The SEC real not moral victory. Lane looks at Two. Blankly. And asks Two to dial Pete because Lane needs to talk to Pete and figure out how USC didn’t get the football death penalty for Reggie Bush, Reggie’s agent and Reggie’s immediate family housing arrangements. Two makes the call, puts the cell on speaker.

    Pete doesn’t answer but this is the voicemail message they hear, “What’s up with that….Neuheisal guy anyway? Leave a message, maybe I’ll call…” and then a Buffet song starts and it’s not the weather is here wish you were beautiful…

    Lane asks Two what that song is. Two says it’s about the Flora-Bama after it was wiped out by Ivan in September ’05. Lane asks what the Flora-Bama is and Two tells Lane it’s a bar on the beach where Snake Stabler grew up and used to hang out and maybe still does. Lane tells Two that Snake is a friend of Monte. Two asks Lane if Pete is in Alabama and Lane tells her heck no that’s a decoy, Pete’s in Malibu where he should be. Only thing is he’s trying to steal O from me.

    Two tries to refocus Lane on the up and coming Vol hostesses skirmishes with the NCAA boys telling Lane he’s got to worry about who flips first because it’s going to be coming soon. Lane’s wired and hopes nobody else is because him being wired is all because of the vanilla latte not electronic counter-measures and tells Two he’ll put it off and deal with it later because he’s going down to the Flora-Bama for some R&R and I&I. With Layla One, of course, so Lane adjourns the meeting between he and Two, picks up the red phone and tells Hamilton to get the Gulfstream ready because Lane’s going on a recruiting trip out-of-state of course.

    Sometimes being the almost head coach with all the Layla’s around him, Lane likes to pretend that he’s a make believe a goodfella surrounded by other make believe bon homme goodfellas who are coming and going and going and coming. That’s just what daily hand-to-hand combat is like in The SEC. And it’s fun and exciting. So far. But back in Indianapolis and Birmingham black smoke has been sighted coming out of the chimneys of the NCAA and The SEC armed fortifiations as they prepare for the latest round of attacks against Lane. Slive in particular is excited having been dissed by Lane in the last skirmish and he wants some pay-back now.

  9. X-Dawg

    Wild Girlz!

  10. Knox

    They should get after the Gator Getters too! Hawk Hunters, Bengal Babes, the list goes on. Are you guys that new to CFB?

    • Will (the other one)

      Are they going to recruits games? Because giving a tour of the campus and driving 200 miles to a HS game with “come to UT” on a giant sign are pretty different, and I’d hope even folks with a UT education could see that.

    • shadrach

      Oh, UGA isn’t new to this and got popped with sanctions from the NCAA over the recruitment of Corey Simon and his “involvement” with a UGA gymnast that traveled to meet him. Frank Orgel, a coach, supposedly knew about the tryst and gave the girl a ride. So, there’s precedence on the NCAA revoking scholarships and placing an institution on probation for this sort of thing.

  11. Dog in Fla

    “God, I love Clay Travis” and just who wouldn’t?

    Anyone who can come up with a headline like this,

    “NCAA Probes Tennessee Hostesses”

    is very very special.

    Clay just goes to show that while you can take a Vol out of Knoxville and educate him at Vanderbilt Law, when you poke him with a stick, he’s still a Vol.

  12. Aligator

    i wonder what papa kiffen does while all of this is going on? drinks a fisth of JD and smoke a pack of Marlboro’s?

  13. Mayor of Dawgtown

    All BS aside, it is time for the NCAA simply to ban the practice of using girls as bait to recruit players for any sport. This has been going on for many years and has always been, in my view, an unsavory practice. What I am saying is the rankest hypocrisy because I didn’t feel that way at all when I was 18 years old. But then an 18 year old is not supposed to know better. Adults are supposed to know better. The whole thing lends a bad aroma to recruiting. While the HC may not be directly involved, there is a wink-wink sort of understanding about what may very well be going on. If you can’t give a kid a free t-shirt you got no business setting him up with a date, particularly a date who has ulterior motives and possibly questionable morals.