Home is where the car drives.

I’m beginning to see a pattern in how Derek Dooley measures his relationships with players.

First, there was the rather bizarre rule that he set in the case of Aaron Douglas.

… In an unusual move, Dooley told the sophomore that he would only release Douglas from his UT scholarship if he enrolled at a school that was at least an eight-hour drive from Knoxville.

Dooley’s decision is being reviewed by a financial aid committee. A final decision is expected this week.

Dooley had long refrained from commenting on Douglas’ reasons for transferring, only saying that it was a personal matter. Dooley offered a bit more insight Monday.

“It’s always been that his problems are from being here, being close to home,” Dooley said. “I felt like, first off, you don’t run from problems, you get problems to run from you. That’s what I tried to work with him on.

“The problems don’t go away, but he was convinced that his problems were here. And so I said ‘OK, Aaron if that’s the case, I think we need to move away from the problem to help you.’ ”

Now he’s decided to rewrite the geography books.

… Now, under Dooley, the Vols want to recruit their border states (Georgia, Alabama, North Carolina, Virginia, Mississippi, Missouri, Kentucky, Arkansas), close states like South Carolina, Indiana, Illinois and West Virginia, as well Florida and Ohio. Dooley and company want to recruit a five-hour, 300-mile radius from Knoxville and treat everything in that circle as “in-state” for UT. [Emphasis added.]

Does that mean I have to change my mailing address?

Somewhere in all of this I’m sensing a potential addition to the Lexicon – “Dooley Unit”?  “XXX-Hour Drive from Knoxville”? “‘In-State’ for UT”? Help me out here, guys.

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UPDATE: Spencer Hall goes with “Dooley Units”.

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UPDATE #2: This is only going to get more confusing.

“My mom showed up at the Big Orange Caravan in Atlanta wearing an orange boa wrapped around her,” Derek said recently with a laugh. “I had to remind her that the event was not about her.

“She has developed a bit of an icon status in Tennessee, and I’ve had to ban her from the state.”

Derek said he asked his mother not to do any interviews with in-state (Tennessee) media.

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18 Comments

Filed under Because Nothing Sucks Like A Big Orange

18 responses to “Home is where the car drives.

  1. AthensHomerDawg

    Perhaps with the number of kids from the state of Georgia we just should rename UT——>UGK.

  2. Brandon

    Manifest Dooley Destiny: a visionary term meant to embody the inevitable future annexation of surrounding states into the State of Tennessee, so that any player within 300 miles can be regarded as instate for Volunteer recruiting purposes Usage: Jim Bob from Spartanburg was going to go to go to Columbia to play his college ball for his in state school until Derek Dooley explained the concept of Manifest Dooley Destiny to him and wooed him to Tennessee.

    • EastCobbDawg

      This is in clear violation of the The Richt Doctrine declaring that the UGA will not tolerate surrounding states recruiting football players the state of Georgia. Any such actions are to be considered a hostile act by UGA and met with swift retribution.

      While Georgia has graciously allowed many long suffering immigrants from Tennessee to live and work among us despite their handicaps and orange wardrobes, efforts to colonize our state by people dressed in DOT orange and singing Rocky Top will not be tolerated.

  3. Dooley Unit. That is a bit of a double entendre.

  4. Nate

    I vote for:

    Dooley Decimal System –

    1 ) The varying unit of distance used by Derek Dooley to establish recruiting boundaries.

    2) The varying unit by which Derek Dooley establishes a zone in which a player is safe from life’s many problems.

  5. Dog in Fla

    Just before Tennessee assistant coaches hit the recruiting trail they have to stop by Derek’s office to pickup a Moon Pie and a RC Cola, get quizzed on their pre-flight check off list and get their final instruction from Derek:

    “Remember boys, an amazing fact about the recruiting circle is that if you measure its circumference and divide by its diameter you always get the same answer. It makes no difference how large the circle is the answer is always 3.14159. This number is so important it gets its own symbol that goes by the name of pi. If you call the circumference c and the diameter d then this is your formula, c/d = pi , or rewriting it c = pi d. Often you measure the radius, r, of a circle rather than its diameter and since d = 2 r the expression for the circumference is most often seen as c = 2 pi r. And Lance, remember this formula still applies even when you’re in inner-city Los Angeles. So if any of you are ever captured there by Coach O or Monte, remember just give your name, rank and this formula. Got it?”

    • Hogbody Spradlin

      Tech man to UT man: pi r squared.
      UT man to Tech man: Wrong, friend. Pie are round. Bread are squared.

  6. shane#1

    Dog in Fla, Moon pies and RCs? Sounds like Da’rick Dooley is planning to raid South Ga. I have to warn Dooley that UT urnge is not worn down here. Aurburn colors are tolerated but not UT. This is Bulldog country but we all have cousins that have to go to Auburn due to generations of inbreeding. Bless their hearts! However, wearing that hideous hillbilly color is a sure way to get beat up in a bar in Albany.

    • Brandon

      A Tennessee sticker is thought to be synonymous with a handicap sticker in the Southeast corner of the State, definately Bulldog country here to, with a sprinkling of very loud Gator fans, a few Auburn cousins and an occasional bitter old Tech man that still talks about Tech’s might in the 50′s.

  7. BMan

    “…as well Florida and Ohio. ”

    This will not be viewed lightly and may in fact forever live in the heart of Corch Iwrin Meyers.

    On another note, I’m good with the term “Dooley (unit)” and may use it in place of phrases such as “country mile” or “blue moon.” To wit: I’d walk a Dooley mile (=800) to tap one of those Vol recruiting hostesses, or UT’s facing 3rd down and a Dooley yard (equivalent to 2 or more).

  8. Georgia to the core

    Re: Douglas desire to leave UT, who knows the “real” reason? Taking him at his word that the issue is being too close to home…I am 100% behind Dooley. Let him relocate somewhere that is not next door. As far as Dooley’s playing fast and loose with his other definitions of what constitutes UT recruiting borders, etc…hopefully he will grow-up and realize that the %#$ sports columnists will hang him every chance they get.

    • Reptillicide

      What reason do you have to be 100% behind Dooley? Last time I checked, his name is not VINCE Dooley, and he doesn’t coach Georgia.

      It’s fairly obvious that he doesn’t want him to transfer to a nearby school, and that he’s veiling the reasons for it behind a “it’s for his own good” excuse. You can take that however you want to, but I don’t care to read Georgia posters waxing loyal to the coach of one of our most hated rivals. He’s not our coach, and never was.

      • Agreed. I hope for nothing but absolute misery for Derek Dooley. I hope he never wins a single game (obviously that’s unrealistic, but so what, its hope).

        Nobody forced him to coach at UT. He chose. That’s fine. No problem – he has a right to pursue his career however he wants.

        But I have ZERO feelings of loyalty towards him, and frankly, my loyalty to Vince continues to plummet.

  9. Dante

    Be a man, Dooley. When Kiffin told us his in-state talent sucked at Tennessee, he just came out and said it. No need to be so backhanded about it.

  10. Tommy

    I don’t know, maybe it doesn’t matter, but what do Tennessee HS coaches think about the continual backhanding about the talent they produce annually? Maybe it’s just such a truism at this point that no one gets bent out of shape.

    If I were a coach in Memphis with a Marlon Brown on my roster, I’d have to chuckle at the leader of the state’s flagship college football collective calling Indiana kids “in-state.” Of course, based on my experience living there, Memphis doesn’t really think of itself as Orange country, given that are three or four SEC schools closer by. Mutual indifference, as it were.

  11. Reptillicide

    So…. Dooley says the reason he won’t let Aaron Douglas transfer is because he doesn’t want him to run from his problems??…. UNLESS, he runs further than 8 hours away?

    I get it. Wait… no I don’t.

  12. Hogbody Spradlin

    “Dooleyville”?