If Harvey Updyke didn’t exist, we’d have to invent him.

He’s on his fourth lawyer, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

In the meantime, enjoy these tidbits from Harvey’s life:

… Barnes said Updyke is a big Alabama fan, saying Updyke ran on the field in 1970 Bluebonnet Bowl with a box of Tide detergent and toilet paper, signifying “Roll Tide.”

Barnes said he and Updyke attended Alabama’s BCS national championship win over Texas in the Rose Bowl at the end of the 2009 season. He also said two of Updyke’s children are Crimson Tyde Updyke and Bear Bryant Updyke. Barnes said he wanted to name another child Ally Bama Updyke, but her mother wouldn’t let him.

It’s good to see where the woman draws the line.  But seriously, is any of that really that crazed?  I mean, consider it in the context of Tahd Nayshun.

I don’t think so.

Anyway, on to Updyke’s lawyer.  He immediately gets plus marks for announcing his representation on Finebaum’s show.  And judging from this comment, he’s not stupid.

… Threatt acknowledged Updyke said on the radio show last month that he said he poisoned the trees.

“He told the police something different. I don’t know him well enough to know if his belief system is consistent with the truth,” Threatt said.

Threatt said “we’re not going to be put in a situation where we’re going to ask where he is insane.”

Smart man.  Especially since his client is currently living in a car in the woods.  Of course, it’s possible that Updyke’s trying to set up a defense that he can hang around trees without poisoning them.

No doubt there’s more to come.  I wonder if they’ll schedule the trial to avoid conflicts with the football schedule.  After all, you know how we are about that sort of stuff in the South.

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16 Comments

Filed under Whoa, oh, Alabama

16 responses to “If Harvey Updyke didn’t exist, we’d have to invent him.

  1. NCT

    I’ve recounted the story a few times, and I apologize if I’m duplicated here.
    My brother (a Tech guy) and I found ourselves in New Orleans on 1/1/1993 (we’d been in Baton Rouge for a cousin’s wedding). We started the morning early at Pat O’Brien’s to get a hurricane in before it got too packed. We struck up a conversation with some older Bama fans. My brother offered this introduction: “I’m Paul, and this is my little brother Joe Willie.” He said the inspiration hit him quite suddenly. We were Paul and Joe Willie the remainder of the day and never had to pay for a drink.

  2. hodgie

    Great story.

  3. And UGa has a fan that paints his head and terrorizes his neighborhood. It’s not restricted to Alabama sports fans.

  4. smitdawg

    Keep up the Toomergate coverage!!! This is probably the best “crazy SEC fan” story ever. Almost tragic enough not to be funny, but not quite.

  5. Chuck

    You know, sometimes when my wife is watching one of those lawyer shows on TV and the factual situation strains at credulity, my wife will look at me and ask, “Does sh*t like that really happen?” I always tell her that the evidentiary rulings are bogus and nothing happens as fast as they are portrayed on TV, but the factual story? Sure. There are hundreds of thousands of Harvey Updykes out there, they just aren’t Bama fans.

  6. “we’re not going to be put in a situation where we’re going to ask where he is insane.”

    What does that mean?

    • Nothing but rank speculation on my part, but I suspect the possibility of an insanity defense has been rejected in no uncertain terms by Updyke. (Which is probably why he and Lawyer #3 parted ways.)

      I’m hoping Harvey is one of those guys who has some very strong ideas about how his defense should proceed, including testifying. That, along with Finebaum being put on the witness stand, ought to make his trial entertaining as hell.

      • Chuck

        The real fun in all this is going to be when they pick the jury (and I am sure that Updyke wants a jury trial) and they have to exclude the AU fans and the Bama fans. What is going to be left? Might have to change venue to Vermont. And then there is the possibility that AU fans will try to hide their allegiance so as to get picked, and Bama fans will try to do the same. That would call for some creative voir dire procedures: might be a good idea to assemble the panel and show clips from memorable Iron Bowls and just study the faces of the jurors as key moments unfold…

  7. About that insanity plea……
    A buddy of mine is a pilot and he’s been married to a stewardess for almost and year now and unfortunately they are parting ways. It could cost him a bundle. She’s twenty years younger than him.I told him he was crazy for even thinking about marrying her………hmmm wonder if I need to get in touch with his attorney. Insanity case?

  8. Brandon

    First move, apply for a change of venue, hopefully to somewhere up around Birmingham or at least non-automatic Auburn territory. Second move, go “all in” on the “they needed killing”/justifiable herbicide defense and hope you get hung juries courtesy of a loony Bama juror or two.

  9. WarD Eagle

    More fuel for the fire. Pay attention to the dates.

    Marriage – Aug. 23, 1973 to Rebecca Dabbs in Angelina County, Tx
    Children: Daughter Crimson Tyde Updyke – DOB Jan. 14, 1975 in Angelina County, TX.
    Divorce from Rebecca on Sept. 28, 1978 in Harris County, TX

    Marriage – Nov.8, 1978 to Christina Maria Garcia in Montgomery County, TX
    Children: Daughter Jennifer Lynn Updyke – DOB Oct. 3, 1978 in San Patricia County Tx
    Son Bear Bryant Updyke DOB March 27, 1981 in Harris County, TX
    Divorce from Christina March 27, 1989 in Harris County, TX

    Marriage – June 1, 1989 to Elva Delarosa in Kliberg County, TX
    Children: Megan Maraya Updyke DOB Jan. 5, 1990 in Harris County TX

  10. Dog in Fla

    Lawyer Number Whatever said Wednesday he has spoken with Harvey Updyke Jr. “extensively about the case” by phone and filed a notice of appearance in Lee County Circuit Court.

    http://www.cbssports.com/collegefootball/story/14728851/attorney-agrees-to-represent-suspect-in-tree-poisoning

    The lawyer couldn’t get much out of Al in the first phone conversation but only after posing as Finebaum in the second got some choice info out of Al such as Al wants no plea deal and wants to testify.

    The lawyer is going to proceed on that basis with the infamous Tater Salad maneuver: even though Al has the right to remain silent, he’s not anywhere close to having the ability to do so.