Lede of the day

This has absolutely nothing to do with college football – at least I fervently hope it doesn’t – but I can’t let an opener like this pass without mention.

Floridians are going to have to start pulling up their pants and stop having sex with animals soon.

I don’t know about you, but my mental picture of the dude with the goat includes a mullet and a ratty looking Gators shirt.

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52 Comments

Filed under Crime and Punishment

52 responses to “Lede of the day

  1. Some people love playing with the pigskin, and some people really like playing with the pigskin.

    Sorry, but I had to do it.

  2. Russ

    Good to see that the FL legislature is on top of it, or behind it, or, well you get the point.

  3. Mayor of Dawgtown

    The part that is really troubling is the outlawing of showing one’s butt crack. Most of the male students at the University of Florida will have to get entirely new wardrobes. Some alumni, too (Mike, I think that applies to you).

  4. simpl_matter

    That’s it, I’M MOVING!!

    Gov. Scott has a cold, dead look in his eyes every time I see him on TV. Matches perfectly with his lack of empathy and compassion. We’re taking this state back to the days of the good old Orange Blossom Special, so long progress and personal freedoms!

    • Dog in Fla

      Don’t be a quitter.

      • simpl_matter

        Don’t try to talk me out of it, Dog in Fla, I’m gone like the high-speed rail grant. Just need to convince my wife, kids, and extended family to come with me…

        • Dog in Fla

          No, no…don’t go now! Besides, where would you go? Vancouver? Too cold. Remember, we moved here because Athens was too cold.

          “Groucho’s Freedonia meets the redneck Pyongyang”

          ”Never let it be said the Florida Legislature isn’t a stickler for the tiny details of governance, leaving no stone unturned in its unrelenting quest to turn the state into Groucho Marx’s Freedonia meets a subtropical, redneck Pyongyang….

          Over the last hectic 60 days or so, the Florida Legislature has burned the midnight oil to legalize bribing members of the Florida Legislature (call this merely constituent service), turned teaching into a profession only slightly more rewarding than Osama bin Laden’s courier, opened the gates to pave over wetlands and, aghast that so many citizens were exercising their right to vote, moved swiftly to make it harder to vote. Whew, that was a close one.

          But wait! There’s more!

          No doubt you have probably turned to your spouse and said, “Sweetie Bunchkin-Pie, dag-nabit, why is it Florida doesn’t have an official state amphibian?” I know I have.

          After all, how can a state on the cutting edge of the 18th century expect to lure business investment to Florida if corporations were to know we don’t have an official slimy thing critter to honor? Thank goodness, state Sen. Steve Oelrich, R-Lower Yoknapatawpha County,….

          Still, the Legislature has been quite consumed with its own labors, finally addressing the “Stop Having Sex With Animals, Right Now! And That Means You, Bub! Bestiality Bill.” Who would have ever guessed date night with a manatee was a particular problem in Florida, unless this was nothing more than an effort to keep up with Mississippi social mores?”

          http://www.tampabay.com/opinion/columns/they-have-our-mdash-and-treefrogs-mdash-best-interests-at-heart/1167965

          For a recap of the best hits of this conservative legislative session,

          http://www.flapolitics.com/

  5. TennesseeDawg

    “The bestiality bill (SB 344) bans sexual activity between humans and animals and has been championed for years by Sen. Nan Rich, from Sunrise.”
    The intriguing thing here is that someone had to champion this cause to get it passed.

    • Dog in Fla

      If only Billy hadn’t been a family pet

      • If Floridians can’t have sex with animals, the terrorists win.

        • Dog in Fla

          I always thought something was fishy about this year’s session at the Reichstag in Tallahassee. They spent even more time on pork than they usually do. They’ve been infiltrated by Geronimo’s number 2′s.

    • Comin' Down The Track

      “The bill would make such acts a first-degree misdemeanor. ”

      That sentence just gave me a headache. A slap on the wrist? Aren’t they going to be needing that wrist if they can’t… arrrgghhh

    • 81 Dog

      “that dog will BITE you…..”

  6. Hogbody Spradlin

    Senator, an Atlanta Braves cap is a nice touch to the picture.

  7. Scott

    “I don’t know about you, but my mental picture of the dude with the goat includes a mullet and a ratty looking Gators shirt. ”

    Don’t forget the jorts down around the ankles.

  8. Mike

    Ah yes, people from every pig path in Georgia trying to somehow feel superior to people from Florida.

    I guess it pay to find succor where one can!

  9. What fresh hell is this?

    “I don’t know about you, but my mental picture of the dude with the goat includes a mullet and a ratty looking Gators shirt.”

    You forgot the jorts around his ankles.

  10. Hogbody Spradlin

    How big a pecker does it take to choke a goat?

  11. 81 Dog

    what will the Florida legislature do for an encore? Ban driving with exposed bondo and/or primer? Outlaw airbrushed car tags? God forbid, will they pass a law against mullets and gold chains?

    This shall not stand. Godspeed to all you goathumping, 82 Camaro driving, Billy Ray Cyrus with a Deion jewelry twist residents of the Sunshine State just trying to live your life.

  12. Normaltown Mike

    It could be worse. In the PAC 10 it’s the animals that get the better of the citizens. No really.

  13. JaxDawg

    I live in Jacksonville and happen to like it alot. In fact, there is alot to like about Florida once you get past the world’s worst CFB fans. So let me say that this state, now my home, hardly has the market cornered on thuggish looking young men with their pants pulled low and I’m willing to bet that there are other states with beastiality issues. Although I’m surprised that someone actually championed this piece of legislation. Maybe one of her liberal constituents had a little fun with her livestock.

    • Dog in Fla

      “I’m willing to bet that there are other states with beastiality issues.”

      Could be. Otherwise all of our livestock would have moved out of state to south Georgia and south Alabama.

      • That reminds me of the old joke about New Zealand: “where men are men and sheep are nervous.”

        Of course, NZ is an island, so the sheep can’t move elsewhere unless they learn how to sail.

      • Hogbody Spradlin

        Fla, bestiality in other states may be a reason your livestock wants to move. The average beef cow has a pretty dull life, up to the moment she gives it up for Burger King.

  14. shane#1

    Well, lord love a duck. But not in Florida. Fla Dog is trying to tell us that Florida legislators are crooked. Well who’d-a-thunkit! I guess next you will try to tell us that New Orleans cops are dirty and that the Mob pulls the strings in Jersey.

    • Dog in Fla

      heh…that’s an insult to the NOPD and the Jersey Mob. I’d be happy if the our rodeo down here were only run of the mill crooked. Just like old times. But no. They’ve got to push the envelope and try to run the state as if it were a 1930′s Germany. The thing about them is that while they’re mean and don’t care about anything except themselves and their owners, they’ll soon **** that gig up too. They always do.

  15. Mohammar

    The first thing you’ve got to do is stare at them. That relaxes them more.

  16. Mayor of Dawgtown

    A man in rural Georgia was being prosecuted under a similar law in Georgia for having sex with a sheep. He decided to confess on the witness stand while under cross examination by the DA. The prosecutor asked the man to describe if the sheep felt any pain during this ordeal. The man responded, “No. In fact the sheep turned its head and licked my hand while we were doing it.” The prosecutor knew the case was in trouble when he heard one member of the jury say to another, “Yep. A good sheep will do that.”

  17. Dawgaholic

    I’ve got a buddy that tried a bestiality case in GA – and won because the state could not prove penetration. (This was within the last ten years.)