Envy and jealousy: you nailed us.

Bruce Feldman’s terrific piece about college coaches who never played the game is worth the price of admission just for this one-liner:  “there are two things in America every man thinks he can do: work a grill and coach football.”

I’m seriously thinking of changing this blog’s motto.

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31 Comments

Filed under Envy and Jealousy

31 responses to “Envy and jealousy: you nailed us.

  1. ZachDawg

    I’m more of a “Coach football & race Nascar type…”

    • AlphaDawg

      Thats my thought too. Every guy I know thanks that with a little training and time in a car they could compete in NASCAR.

      And I KNOW I can Grill , Smoke, and Cook with anyone that I know.

  2. No One Knows You're a Dawg

    I agree; that’s a great article.

  3. RocketDawg

    Amen! If we had all the arm chair coaches (primarily Offensive Coordinators) on the sidelines we would score 100 a game, never miss on 3rd down, and Aaron Murry would have a 50-0 TD/INT ratio. There’s a lot of genious going to waste….

  4. Sparrow

    I’m currently attempting to coach my 4-year old’s flag football team. We have one play on offense and no defensive scheme to speak of. It’s also the toughest thing I do all week. Multiply that challenge by about a million and we’d be getting close to what the real coaches do…

  5. Bevo

    That is a good line. A little more specifically, “coaching football” in this context means calling offensive football plays and sending sell-out blitzes on defense on almost every play.

  6. Cojones

    Count me as one who appreciates the author and your enthusiasm, Senator. Point well taken about imagination and creativity working for coaches like Leach when not encumbered with preconceived ideas. Score one for imagination and thinking outside the box.

    • Cojones

      Does this mean that we will see less play-calling, coaching conceits and plays drawn up on here? Like walking thru peanut butter, man, like walking thru peanut butter.

  7. HVL Dawg

    Actually, I’m pretty good on the grill, but I’m really good at offensive scheming. Do you like BBQ chicken that is black on the outside and still rare near the bone?

    This is a fact – I would have hung at least 45 against LSU last year. I would have made honey badger look like a fool. Against Boisie I would have had the O-line making holes so big Richard Samuel could get through without running into anyone. If I were OC, Aaron Murray would have no fear of being sacked because he’d be strong enough to push DL off him. He’d be tall and smart enough to simultaneoulsy track four receivers plus the 5 DBs dropping into coverage. Focus! And his throws would be perfect because I’d make him practice throwing until every throw was perfect.

    I could win the national championship. If you don’t win the national championship, you are a loser.

    I am a football mastermind. Why isn’t McGarity ringing my cell phone right now? Idiot!

    • Cojones

      HVL- Six other guys have inserted their names on his ringy-dingy ahead of you. They are feeling the pressure of not being hired yet. Suggestion: the next time these yahoos draw up their plays, let’s compete with a few of our own. The trick is to have a ludicrous explanation to support the ludicrous plays. Bet that you are one who can do it. I’ll certainly have fun taking a crack at it!

  8. DawgPhan

    I run a mean grill and I know what you are doing wrong, regardless of the situation. Just ask me.

    • Cojones

      Now, smoking is my skill of choice here. While getting the mj up the chicken’s butt is fraught with difficulties, avoid enjoying a pinner beforehand. And always cover raw meat before lighting up. If you ain’t smokin’, you ain’t grilling.

      • AthensHomerDawg

        Barbecue beef brisket! Indirect heat. This is one skill set that will separate the men from the boys.

        • AlphaDawg

          Smoking is an acquired skill, thats so much more than just applying heat and smoke to meat. You have humidity, type of smoke, type of heat, type of temp, timing of temp, timing of heat, timing of humidity, timing of smoke, volumn of smoke, and correct temp. And thats just the phyiscal act of smoking. And it all varies upon the type and size of meat you are smoking. Add in the prepping of the food and post smoking care (for Sausages) its almost an art form.

          • AthensHomerDawg

            +1
            Please feel free to invite me to your tailgate.

            • DawgPhan

              What we need is a g-day bbq contest over near the stadium. Turn in @ noon-2 and then the game @ 3. Would make for a fun day in Athens if they would let folks have a good time.

              • AthensHomerDawg

                I shall alert the sports fans at BernieDawgBlawg and SportsandGrits. If there is some potential there they can make it happen. The Senator could make a cameo appearance and help pick the judges for the tasting. HMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Yes, Cojones …. you would be invited. But you have to promise to behave. ;-)

                • DawgPhan

                  I am 100% game for it. I would say that we should probably stick to the quick hitters like ribs and chicken…maybe a sausage or grilling category.

                  Need as many judges as we have teams. Make everyone pony up a couple of bucks to enter, couple of bucks to judge and stick it in the donation box when we go in the stadium…

                • Cojones

                  Si, Senor. If I can bring my own smoking materials. Have you ever tried hemp papers? And mosquito hemostats? I’ll even bring a truckload of ordures and a bunch of canapes (hors d’oeuvres) if I don’t eat them up before getting there. That shit makes you hongry.

          • Cojones

            It depends on the buds also. And there is no cap on “buds”.

            • AlphaDawg

              Sounds like a great idea, distance makes it lucky if I make one home game a year. I made the Boise game last year because I had a 96. With family its hard to drive 8hr for a 2 day weekend. And I’d hate to have to come down there with my homemade electric smoker and kick everyones ass.

              Yes, its electric. And its made out of an old Refrigerator. its helps me regulate humidiy and temp better than anything i’ve ever used. The only thing I’ve found comperable is the Green Egg. And personally I like mine better because all you have to do is plug it in add meat, shut the door, occassionally add wood, and DRINK. I even added 2 small windows to monitor the wood, water and meat and a chute and a small pipe so I do not have to open the door to add wood or water.

              • DawgPhan

                I guess we wont know until you drag that thing to athens and load it with meat. seriously though…this probably should happen. it would be a lot of fun and take fun advantage of the 3pm start on g-day.

  9. charlottedawg

    @ Athens Homer Dawg, I too always thought that the mark of a knowledgeable griller was the knowledge and application of indirect heat, not that there’s anything wrong with an expertly seared steak. My favorite’s a whole or butterflied chicken, with nothing but salt, pepper, and maybe a handful of hickory chips on the lump charcoal. crispy skin and juicy meat. I’d smoke more and bigger stuff but being an apartment dweller I can’t have a huge ginormous barell smoker so for now a kettle grill is my grill/ smoker.

    • AthensHomerDawg

      I too have enjoyed the grill while apartment dwelling. I found that soaking the chips overnight in apple cider vinegar and wrapping them in foil with holes poked into the top layer helped a lot.

  10. W Cobb Dawg

    Who did Feldman play for? Half-ass sports reporters get a bye because they get a paycheck?

    Like all professions its about preparation. Show me a coach who works hard on the details off the field and is prepared for the game, and I’ll show you a coach who’s going to win a lot of games.

  11. shane#1

    Can I run a grill? Is the Pope Catholic? Can Pavarotti sing? Does a wild bear, nevermind. I should be the OC. No more mamby-pamby Futbol with some little guy throwing the football and running around like a sissy. No Sir! Single wing with Crowell at half and Samuel at tailback. Real football the way real men played and no more of those facemasks! Damn sissies!

  12. roy

    Great quote. I think he forgot two. Everyone knows how to do a cops job better( under no circumstances do arrest a football player), and my dog could do a better job than the President.

  13. Mayor of Dawgtown

    You will recall that George O’Leary pretended that he played CFB and lettered at the University of New Hampshire when he had not. That (along with a phony Master’s Degree) was what was on his resume and got him fired by Notre Dame before he had ever even coached a single game.

    • Cojones

      He was still smart enough to hire Friedgen who promptly beat our ass. You gotta hand it to ole’ George and they handed him his walking papers. Course him beating us with Central Fl makes my ass hurt again.