He’s not an attorney, although he plays a tight end on TV.

Between Crowell’s dismissal and my moroseness over what I suspect college football’s powers that be are cooking up for us, I figure we’re all more than a little down in the mouth.  We could do with a little cheering up about now.  I can’t arrange a group hug and I can’t think of a way to pass around a big enough bottle of 20-year old Pappy, but I think I’ve got something else that might do the trick.

And that would be the story of one Fred Davis, a Washington Redskin in his day job and ace legal defender of Fred Davis otherwise.  If a story the Washington Post titled “Fred Davis accused of throwing juice on a woman his body guard claims is a pimp” (h/t Chris Brown) can’t get your juices flowing, Jack, you dead.

If anything, his story is better than the Post headline indicates.  Sure, the gory details are as salacious as you’d hope, but the real hilarity comes from both parties’ decision to take Peoples Court-style justice to the DC Superior Court.  Yes, they’re both representing themselves.  And they’re spectacular.  My absolute favorite part of the story comes from Davis’ former legal advisor (now there’s a job you couldn’t pay me enough to take):

“It’s just all made up and flagellant,” Davis told the judge during his closing argument. (Davis has no formal legal training, according to Jean Kuei, Davis’s former attorney.)

No shit, Jean.  I never would have guessed.

The trial is scheduled for March 11, 2013.  Mark it on your calendars.  Outside of Mike Leach getting Craig James on the stand, there isn’t much other litigation I’m as eagerly looking forward to as that.

By the way, fair warning:  I am so using “It’s just all made up and flagellant” as my new catch phrase.  In fact, you don’t know how close I am to replacing the blog motto with it.

Anyway, enjoy.  I hope this makes up for some of the gloom and doom.

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16 Comments

Filed under General Idiocy

16 responses to “He’s not an attorney, although he plays a tight end on TV.

  1. Wilcodawg

    Had to look up “flagellant”, as it sounded familiar. Then I realized it was something I used to do involving removal of my flesh as a sign of my religious zeal. Ah, the good old days…

  2. Tybeedawg

    Are you sure he didn’t mean “flatulent”?

    • KornDawg

      I read it as “flatulent”, at first. Made me think of Tyson’s quote “I guess I’m gonna fade into Bolivian.”

  3. ScoutDawg

    Gave me a little grin this morning. My wife had already asked me why I was smirking at my eggs and was something wrong.

  4. Daniel Simpson Day

    Flagellant….ah, must be Italian!

  5. WH

    I burst out laughing when I read that line. Needs to at least make an appearance as quote of the day.

  6. AthensHomerDawg

    “Pimp cup” I had no idea what that was. So now ya know.

    • SemperFiDawg

      * Chaka calls herself a “celebrity broker.” Davis’s sometime body guard, Stewart Prince, says she’s a pimp who often carries a “pimp cup.”

      Yeah, that was priceless to me. I too had to look up “pimp cup.”. Here’s the definition per Urban dictionary.
      Pimp Cup
      A chalis type glass with diamonds or some simular stones type stones attached to it.usually compliments a playa or pimp.
      Im the only one allowed to drink from my pimp cup.

      Am I the only one here who sees the potential for a lexicon entry here or maybe even something along the line of the Fulmer Cup. Have the nominations based on Bling, more specifically Bling that a college student shouldn’t be expected to afford. Darren McFadden’s Buick, Trent Richardson’s Yukon, and Mark Ingram’s Denali come to mind.

  7. Scott W.

    Holy convolution, Batman!

  8. Tybee Dawg

    vote on http://www.dawgsandbstreet.blogspot.com/ on who you think will be UGA’s starting running back in 2012

  9. HiAltDawg

    Reading the account almost rises to Intellectual Flagellation.

  10. Mayor of Dawgtown

    What Davis meant to say: “It’s just all made up and fellatio.”

  11. collegeparkdawg

    Needed this! Thank you!

  12. Puffdawg

    OBJECTION!

  13. TomReagan

    The article notes that the ‘pimpette’ is also a friend of former Houston County and USC star Kyle Moore. Yet another reason to regret losing out in his recruitment.