We haven’t had one of these in a while and this looks promising (even if it’s a golden oldie):
(photo via AP)
By the way, the header isn’t really a joke. It’s more of a paraphrase:
“Saban is the best coach in the country — I’ll grant him that. But he ain’t a better man than Gene Chizik.”
Dazzle us in the comments.
(h/t Dr. Saturday)
You think Saban has time for this shit??
Hold on there, Gene. I’m gonna need some of that Cam money back after these last few games.
Gene, before you go…….pull my finger. ( I really am a twelve year old, sorry)
Chiz, things better get better fast. Petrino is unemployed. Just sayin.
“Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded head coach, to second-guess and to scold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, through bribery and probation, to mock and to jeer; and promise to be faithful until a losing season do you part?”
“What?”
Seriously, you smug little shit, tell me where my pants are.
hahaha
Best comment I’ve ever read on this site.
“Say, how ’bout the two of you go for a bike ride?”
Man in orange sweater: Ya know I’m real interested in seeing how we are going to look this year running a pro-style offense with spread players. I must say, I’m a little worried about it!
Lady: I agree, I’m not sure if Frazier can be that “pro-style” quarterback that we need to make this offense really go. But what do I know, I’m just a girl!
*orange sweater guy and lady laugh amongst themselves*
Lady: But seriously coach what do you think?? Should we be worried?
Chiz: ***he loses himself in thought. he reseeds back into the dark recesses of his mind. Aww yes, the thought of it all enters into his brain. A sly smirk forms over his mouth. He tilts his head back with a chuckle. He twiddles his fingers as he stands there. He feels like a child in this moment. Not a care or thought in the world. Worried? Pffft, he’s not worried. These simple minded idiots have no idea. It’s taco fucking tuesday in the cafeteria.***
Chizik – I need you and your 70s porn star defensive coordinator to go pick up some cannolis with Clemenza. They’re waiting out front.
Coach Dye, have you heard of Aricept? It’s wonderful.
Auburn head coach Gene Chizik evaluates the proposal given by coaching legend Pat Dye that he “get this f***ing program going in the right direction” or else he’ll rip his balls off and “feed them to his wife’s chihuahua”
“The trick in cheating to win, Gene, is to win more often than you lose. Then it’s not so obvious that you had to cheat to win.”
For the win!
This right here.
Winner winner chicken dinner.
Chizik is a MAN. He is over 40!
Well what had happened was…
” Hey Gene, no body told me it was a cash bar. Can you help an old coach out?”
“Gene, I don’t know if you noticed this or not but you’re wearing a damn Florida tie”.
“No hell I’m not, I’m wearing a UVA tie.”
i thought it was a syracuse tie.
It’s a Harvard tie, like oh sure, HE went to Harvard.
+1
Chizik Inner Monologue: “I thought this Sandusky guy was in prison.”
+1
So I says to Mabel, I says…
C’mon Gene… show her your Ruprecht the Monkey Boy face… Ah… there it is… good boy, Gene, good boy.
Baby, I REALLY want this job.
Lemme give you some advice, Gene: “Never waste a hard-on, never pass up a urinal, and never trust a fart.”
“Will meth change the way I look?”
(Chizik): “Okay, Y’all..be honest. Do I look like the Johnny Cab robot from ‘Total Recall’…?”
“Gene, proper etiquette dictates that you grasp the player with your right hand and extend the money with your left hand.”
“Is that Coffee?”
A bit of refinement…
Chizik inner monologue: “is that coffee?”
“I caught him at the exit. Now, you tell this lady why she “donated” all that money and that kid can’t even throw the dam ball. You tell her, and we don’t want to hear some BS.
Are these not the best tits you’ve ever seen?
5’10 is 5’10 I don’t give a shit what you say.
Sir, please stop squeezing my arm. It hurts. Trooper! Help! This mean man gave me an ouchie.
Give me the keys, you’re clearly drunk.
“I am NOT full of shit, dammit!”
“The only thing I have said, or done, in 70 years that will be remembered is “man enough”. Cheetzik and I are going to both whip’em out and you decide.”
So I said…rectum!?! Damn near killed em!
I will be the first to admit, I can be a bit self absorbed at times. I mean look at me stubbornly playing one of the worst QB’s week after week and hiring captian swishy pants to run my defense and some crazy mexican to try and coach the db’s…..oh wait, I won a national chanpionship, so screw you!