“If the NFL has no morals and no values, then Congress must find values for it.”

Of course this was inevitable.

Washington lobbyist Jack Burkman on Monday said he is preparing legislation that would ban gay athletes from joining the National Football League.

Burkman in a statement said he has garnered political support for the bill, though his statement didn’t mention any specific lawmakers who are behind it.

”We are losing our decency as a nation,” Burkman said in a statement. “Imagine your son being forced to shower with a gay man. That’s a horrifying prospect for every mom in the country. What in the world has this nation come to?”

Burkman said he came up with the idea after college football star Michael Sam publicly revealed he is gay a few weeks ago. If drafted, Sam would be the first openly gay player in the NFL.

Now I think this stands the proverbial snowball’s chance of being enacted into federal law… but can I see certain state legislatures feverishly embracing this with open arms and applying it to college football teams?  Oh hails, yes.

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35 Comments

Filed under Political Wankery

35 responses to ““If the NFL has no morals and no values, then Congress must find values for it.”

  1. pantslesspatdye

    There’s no way this would happen. Yep, no way. Looking at you, Mississippi

  2. Doug

    Wonder how Captain Decency managed to pop up in the D.C. Madam’s phone records. Probably just begging her to give up her life of sin and turn to Jesus, I’m sure.

  3. Rival

    Thank you, Mr. Lobbyist, for teaching me about “values.”

    I laughed out loud at “forced to shower with a gay man.” Won’t someone think of the children??

    What a turd…

  4. cube

    Something tells me I would find Jack Burkman’s thoughts on evolution amusing.

  5. Skeptic Dawg

    The shower thing is an issue unto itself. Would Sam showering with 52 dudes following practice/game not be the same as me showing with 52 women? I am awaiting the separate shower issue here. Or, total co-ed showers for all! All it takes is one player telling the GM that he is uncomfortable with it.

    • DawgPhan

      Why is this always the first thing that some people worry about? If you have ever showered with more than a handful of dudes, you have showered with a gay person.

      • adam

        Homophobes are VERY scared of this idea.

        What do they honestly think will happen? What is the real risk here? He’s a grown man who has been showering with other grown men for years. I think he can control himself. He’s a smart guy and a talented athlete, not some weird sex-crazed rapist.

        The argument is very, very stupid.

        • PTC DAWG

          You nailed it with the Homophobe comment..I wasn’t going to go there, but you did and I totally agree. They are the worst.

    • Cojones

      That would be a “tranny” that you are referring to . Being gay is a separate entity.

      Besides, because he is gay, you will see him as a woman? Wow! And you are coming out on this blog? Great for you! You just one-upped Michael Sam.

      • Cojones

        If any guy has romantic interests toward you, I’m sure you would notice right away.

        Anyone knows that a simply requirement of everyone wearing a bell tied onto the end of their “dangerzone” in the shower will “raise” the alarm. Hope no one tells Buckman or Skeptic or we will get legislation passed that will kick up bell-making stocks.

    • PTC DAWG

      Good grief.

  6. RP

    Someone has to protect those kickers and placeholders in the showers.

    I don’t see any state banning gay athletes outright, there may be some separate shower proposals though. Could be interesting.

    • DawgPhan

      GA is attempting to allow it right now. The religious freedom bill would allow any organization to discriminate based on their beliefs.

      • adam

        Only oppressors try to write discrimination into law. This is the 21st century Jim Crowe.

        The law would also open the door for people to refuse to serve black people, refuse to serve Jews, Christians, and Muslims, refuse to serve women, etc. All you need to do in court is claim you hold a personal religious belief that there is something wrong with those people.

      • William

        A law like that would allow extremist muslims to claim they were allowed to discriminate and thus bring justice to those whom they have slain. Maybe a little bit of a jump there, but its not as big a jump as you would think.

        • Always Someone Else's Fault

          It’s really weird to hear some communities who have been so sensitive to issues of religious discrimination at home and abroad so determined to write it into law. Once it becomes a legal power, it can be used on anyone.

  7. Cojones

    Whatever happened to the 60-70s open-mindedness personified by Johnny Carson and Alex Karras (appeared on Carson before having his own show) where Carson mentioned that Karras was the only Greek playing pro ball and Karras replied, “Not true!….. at least judging by the look in some guys’s eyes when someone bends over to retrieve the soap in the shower.” .

  8. Cousin Eddie

    50 some odd physically fit nfl players moms will be afraid of thier sons showering with a gay dude, so he has to ban them from the nfl? NFl players are most likely not showering with kids, how do you make that leap from playing on the field to showering with kids?
    If he wants to inact morals back into the US, well fine start in Congress.

  9. Always Someone Else's Fault

    I hereby volunteer to shower with 50 women – as long as they promise not to laugh.

  10. Scorpio Jones, III

    Dear God….has anybody seen the weather forecast for the Clemson game…one site is predicting rain…wurra, wurra, wurra.

  11. adam

    It’s a damn shame that a lobbyist – not an elected official – can say he’s drafting legislation and people are ok with that.

    The system is very broken.

  12. I Wanna Red Cup

    Georgia’s response: guns in the locker room for everyone to protect themselves

  13. AusDawg85

    Man, can’t wait for Spring practice to begin, with the sun shining, happy, gay faces playing in the breeze….wait.

    Question: Do spring practice showers bring gay flowers? And whatever happened to Kay Flowers? She was my freshman orientation leader, proving I’d made a damn fine decision to attend UGA.

    Question 2: Does Pruitt dislike the “fair catch” because he’s homophobic?

    • cube

      Damn, that’s pretty wasted for 11:10 in the AM on a Tuesday.

      • Cojones

        Actually, he was going to advertise all-gay runback players in hopes that the opposing team would avoid them, but they kept running purposefully into every opposing tackler and some of their own teammates.

  14. Debby Balcer

    Maybe it’s just me but I don’t understand why the NFL or college football needs communal showers for sanitary reasons. With all the money they make why not have stalls? I hated group showers in pe classes and it had nothing to do with he sexual orientation of the others in the shower.

    • AusDawg85

      Because it’s easier in a communal shower to ask the guy next to you to bend over and pick up your soap than do it yourself in a stall. :-0