Category Archives: Bert… uh… Bret Bielema

Wednesday morning buffet

Buffet away.

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Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Big 12 Football, Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin, ESPN Is The Devil, Fall and Rise of Bobby Petrino, Georgia Football, Nick Saban Rules, Phil Steele Makes My Eyes Water, SEC Football, Stats Geek!

Bert sez: “SEC! SEC!! SEC!!!”

Think you’re going a little overboard here, Coach.

“Minimum”?  Hoo, boy.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

Bret Bielema is surprised about something that didn’t surprise anyone else.

C’mon, Bert.  You knew the job was dangerous when you took it.


Filed under Arkansas Is Kind Of A Big Deal, Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

Paging Dr. Bielema.

Maybe they need a second opinion about Ted Agu’s cause of death.

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Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, The Body Is A Temple

Road gear

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t think about wearing another school’s paraphernalia to a game, but I have to admit I am sorely tempted to buy one of these bad boys to wear to this year’s game at Arkansas.

Even the color’s good. Maybe that’s karma.

(h/t Tom Fornelli)


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Stylin'

Thursday lunch buffet

Nom, nom, nom…

  • Jay Jacobs brings the heavy smack on the 10-second substitution rule:  “The only health and safety problem with this rule is opposing teams’ fans getting mad because they get beat, and the safety of their coaches because they can’t stop it.”
  • Final arguments from Northwestern’s NLRB hearing sound a bit conflicted.
  • Groo wonders what sort of impact Greg McGarity’s pump up the jam initiative will have on the future of the Redcoat Band.
  • What do you think it says that the Mark Richt spring speaking tour is making a stop in Houston, Texas?
  • O’Bannon economic expert Daniel Rascher estimated that a football player on Alabama’s 2010 team would have received $47,330 from live broadcasting revenue that year and about $190,000 over four years.”
  • The Sporting News‘ list of top 2014 running backs starts with a name you might know.
  • Everybody used to like Bret Bielema.
  • Ted Valentine does something Penn Wagers can only dream about.
  • 11 Alive has a little something on Chris Conley’s Star Wars tribute. (h/t Bernie)
  • The director of the Sports Business Institute at the University of Southern California has some advice for people who are subsidizing the rising costs of sports channels on cable television:  “The little old lady in Pasadena is going to have to suck it up.”


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, College Football, Georgia Football, It's Just Bidness, The NCAA

Jeff Long sure can pick ‘em.

Stewart Mandel declares that “With Lane Kiffin now muzzled as a member of Nick Saban’s staff at Alabama, Bielema is threatening to replace him as college football’s most reviled figure.”


Filed under Arkansas Is Kind Of A Big Deal, Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

If Bret Bielema didn’t exist, Nick Saban would have to invent him.

I’ve figured out the role ol’ Bert is playing in the 10-second substitution rule fracas.  He’s there to make Nick Saban seem like the reasonable one.

He also reiterated his stance that the proposal is safety-based — saying he wants to be proactive and make a change before a fatal injury.

The former Wisconsin coach pointed to the recent death of California football player Ted Agu during a training run, saying the inability to substitute an injured player between plays could lead to injury or death…

… He also offered a direct counter to the claim there’s no hard evidence of increased risk of injury.

“Death certificates,” Bielema said. “There’s no more anything I need than that.”

It’s hard, but take a step past the sanctimonious crocodile tears being shed over the random tragedy of a kid’s death – at a February practice! – and the indirect shot at Agu’s coach, who, by the way, is one of the more outspoken critics of the substitution proposal, and focus on the larger ramifications of Bielema’s position.  If a player’s death is all that’s needed to justify changing a rule in the name of player safety, why stop at a 10-second substitution requirement?  Indeed, why stop anywhere?

I mean, start with this…

He mentioned that a half a dozen players with the Razorbacks have been diagnosed with sickle cell trait, and that the team’s trainers must constantly watch the players for signs of dehydration or exhaustion.

“I think it’s still safety battle,” Bielema said. “… I know every one of those coaches probably has a player in that same scenario, but it hasn’t happened.

“It’s kind of like, do we have to have this happen before we talk about it?”

… and ask if a rule banning kids who have been diagnosed with sickle-cell trait from playing the sport shouldn’t be considered.

It’s interesting that a guy who gained national attention for his move a few years ago to have his kick return team go offsides on two kickoff attempts to run out the clock in the first half, thereby exposing 22 special teams players to extra risk of contact (remember, there’s been enough concern about player safety on kickoffs that they were moved five yards closer to the opponent’s end zone to limit the chance for contact) to gain a strategic advantage by abusing a rule has suddenly found religion on player safety.  Or dickish.  Take your pick.

Bielema claims to be confident that the proposal will pass when the NCAA playing rules oversight panel votes on March 6.  I’m pretty confident that if he’s running point on the deal, it won’t.  I’m also pretty confident he won’t be winning any Mr. Popularity awards from his peers in the near future.



He knows he should STFU.  He just can’t come up with a good excuse as to why.


UPDATE #2:  Somebody needs to explain the First law of holes to Bert.

“… What if you’re in the middle of the third or fourth quarter and you know that the kid standing 15 yards away from you or on the other side of the field has this trait. He’s got this built-in possibility of something happening. Your doctors have told you about it. Your trainers have told you about it. He looks at you through those eyes or maybe the trainer even says, “Hey coach, you need to get him out of there.” And you can’t. You have no timeouts. He’s not going to fake an injury. He’s not going to fall down…”

If the trainer says a kid needs to get out of a game, how’s the kid faking an injury?


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, It's All Just Made Up And Flagellant


I don’t care which side of the substitution rule debate you line up on, this here is funny.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema