Envy and jealousy: “You would have to go to Antarctica to find a positive comment about the guy.”

The Wiz links to as nifty a takedown of Craig James as you’re gonna read.  Indulge yourselves:

… James seemingly has everything else. He’s got the looks, the buzzwords and the ESPN-honed ability to speak at length without saying much. Being a former football star in a football state would normally help, too.

It was all there Friday night in Dallas in a debate among Republicans competing for Texas’ open U.S. Senate seat. James was vague, offering little insight, but when did that ever stop anyone in politics?

James said he was just a citizen who would be guided by the Constitution and his faith. “I want to go do the work of ‘We the People,’” he said, which sounds nice enough.

So does his Facebook page. There, under activities, he lists “ranching, real estate, restoring traditional values.”

For those who don’t know: Before restoring, strip and sand with steel wool.

If he sounds insipid, that’s because insipid can be effective in an election. James is not unlike other celebrities who skip steps to run for high office. They lean on name recognition.

But that’s the catch — James’ name gets recognized the way the guilty do in a police lineup…

Ah, that’s good.  I really dig that “the ESPN-honed ability to speak at length without saying much” part.  Nice killing two birds with one shot stuff there.

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A special reader edition of Envy and Jealousy

Normally, when I post an Envy and Jealousy number, it’s about somebody who’s written something I wish I had.  Today’s offering is a little different.  It’s something I suspect many of you would have liked to have tossed in a comment here.  It’s from somebody in Big Ten country who read Matt Hayes’ piece on Urban Meyer and became (as you’re about to see) quite incensed.

… He was a smooth talking, greasy, head hunter that mortgaged the Gators football future for a pair of national championships to appease a rabid fan base that got way too used to winning.

“Greasy” adds a nice touch, don’t you think?

Envy and jealousy: pay the unibrow!

From the always great Charles Pierce comes this bit in his piece about the Final Four and its place in NCAA hypocrisy:

… Davis has become something of a celebrity based not only on his game, but also based on his eyebrows, which are only barely separated at the top of his nose. The “unibrow” phenomenon has taken off. “It’s great for him because it’s given him a lot of publicity off of that,” said Kentucky guard Marquis Teague. “Only he can pull that off.” In fact, sales of fake eyeglasses with unibrows above them have exploded.

“That’s great. People did a good job making them,” said Davis, who, of course, cannot profit from any of this. The man doesn’t even have the economic rights to his own face. I’m surprised the NCAA doesn’t make him wear a bag with its logo. That’s my contribution to the changing paradigm: I think every play — er, student-athlete — should be able to turn a buck on his eyebrows.

Sure, it’s a small barrel.  But he’s a very good shot.

Envy and jealousy: you nailed us.

Bruce Feldman’s terrific piece about college coaches who never played the game is worth the price of admission just for this one-liner:  “there are two things in America every man thinks he can do: work a grill and coach football.”

I’m seriously thinking of changing this blog’s motto.

Envy and jealousy, Gator snark edition

David Paschall knocks out a one-liner that made me laugh out loud.

The Gators would have led the nation in most offensive plays last season were it not for the other 119 Bowl Subdivision teams…

Boom MF, indeed.  No wonder Charlie Weis doesn’t want to talk about his Gainesville experience.

Envy and jealousy: what hath realignment wrought edition

I don’t always see eye to eye with him politically, but, man, do I love reading Charles Pierce.  He’s angry, funny and insightful.  But more than anything, he’s a brilliant, brilliant writer.  When he’s not posting on politics at Esquire, he takes the occasional foray into sports at Grantland, where you shouldn’t miss him.  His take on the sad demise of the Big East in the wake of its losses from conference realignment may not break any new ground, but it’s undeniably eloquent.  For example,

The Big East is losing big teams and replacing them with smaller ones, because, as is the case with so many colleges in so many conferences around the country, the administrations of some of its members have let their greed eclipse both geography and common sense. Pittsburgh is leaving for the ACC, and West Virginia is joining the Big 12. The latter is a perfect measure for the silliness of the whole affair. The West Virginia fan base is famously fervent, and more than willing to travel, but the state’s median household income is $38,000 a year, and now, instead of trips to New Jersey and Philadelphia, those fervent fans will have to haul that fervor to Lubbock, and Waco, and Stillwater, Oklahoma. It is absurd, but conferences are nothing more these days than the staging areas for extended television programs, and the Mountaineers are simply moving their show to another studio.

That captures some of how I felt when I first heard about the end of the Oklahoma-Nebraska series.  I’m sure many find all this movement exciting, but it makes me more than a little sad to think about what we’re losing and what they’re replacing it with, even if they won’t come right out and say it.

… But most of the dynamic is propelled by the merciless drive for profit and the soulless imperatives that are engaged when sports becomes about “producing content” rather than playing the games. None of this is reversible anymore. None of this is escapable…

Rick Pitino, of all people, as a metaphor.  Make sure you read the whole thing.

Envy and jealousy: there’s all kinds of jerks out there.

Andy Staples relates a great Steve Spurrier story in his article about Randy Edsall’s hypocrisy:

… While coaching at Florida in 1999, Spurrier was asked about intra-conference transfers by Mike Bianchi, then a columnist at the Florida Times-Union, at SEC media days. At the time, a debate raged in the league as to whether SEC-to-SEC transfers should have to sit out two years. “It’s a free country, isn’t it?” Spurrier asked, rhetorically. Then he looked at Bianchi. “Hey, Bianchi,” Spurrier said, “you didn’t have to sit out two years when you switched newspapers, did you?”

Using Spurrier mocking Bianchi to make a point about Edsall – that’s like playing with the matryoshka dolls of dickishness.   Nicely done, Mr. Staples.

Envy and jealousy: silver lining edition

Seth Emerson has the last word on yesterday’s triple dismissal:

What’s the most cynical, ironic statement one can make about all this?

For all the rumors, three freshmen have been dismissed from the team – and none of them were named Isaiah Crowell.

Nicely played, sir.

Envy and jealousy: Richt vs. Dooley edition

Matt Hayes, comparing Georgia’s and Tennessee’s prospects for improvement this season, neatly ties together several themes we’ve discussed here:

So while Derek Dooley is reading Shakespeare to his Tennessee team and teaching them proper showering technique, Richt simply has to find a way to motivate his talented team to play to their ability.

Envy and jealousy: Arrogant Nation is back.

Over at Lost Angeles, Zack gets his Southern Cal groove on:

… First of all Larry Scott, don’t call it the Pac-12.  Until we can play for a title game, it’s the Pac-11.  Or the Pac-10.5 if you are being honest about UCLA’s contributions in football.

That one made me laugh.