Category Archives: Envy and Jealousy

Envy and jealousy: ‘Hey, I can run a little bit.’

I’ve linked to this remarkable Joe Posnanski piece about Herschel before, but since he chose to repost it in the wake of Willis Walker passing, I thought it was worth mentioning it again.  Read it; you won’t regret it.

My favorite bit in there?  Hands down:  “And then there was this freshman from a little town in Georgia who people were whispering about. He was the new thing. Rogers was Pat Boone. Herschel was James Brown.”

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Envy and jealousy: it’s about the players edition

Now I realize that “check out the hypocrisy of college athletics!” articles are a dime a dozen these days, but damn, this one’s really well written.  This line in particular just about made me swoon:

In 2011, Slive — a man whose joy-evoking athletic talent has never inspired a single jersey purchase, let alone a lucrative television rights bidding war — reportedly received nearly $1.6 million in compensation from a conference that is considered a non-profit organization by the Internal Revenue Service.

I only wish there’d been some way to fit a Michael Adams reference in there somewhere.

If you’re jonesing for a heavy dose of sarcasm this morning, go no further.

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Envy and jealousy: come on in, the water’s fine!

As Kyle King takes his farewell tour at Dawg Sports, I thought this brief comment about the new “Recreation and Wellness Center” being constructed on the Plains might be a source of amusement for a man who hates Auburn with a passion:

So Auburn did took the next logical step and built…  a 45 person, tiger-paw-shaped hot tub that is bound to have the most disease-ridden water in Alabama – no small feat – within days of entering into service.

Not a bad takedown, if I say so myself.

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Envy and jealousy: meet the NCAA, “the baggy-pants clowns of Inner Authoritarian Dinner Theater”

I’m not sure you’ll read a better one-sentence summary of the NCAA’s debacle concerning the Miami investigation than this one from Mr. Pierce“In the course of investigating Nevin Shapiro, the NCAA indicted itself.”

True ‘dat.

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Envy and jealousy: a fitting epitaph

The ultimate comment on Chizik’s dismissal comes from Ivan Maisel, who absolutely nails it with this paragraph:

The Tigers started out as a team yearning to be mediocre and never improved. In fact, by the end of the season, Auburn set school records for ineptitude. The Tigers lost to their biggest rivals, No. 3 Georgia and No. 2 Alabama, by a combined score of 87-0. An Auburn coach could be forgiven many things, several of them prosecutable, before he could be forgiven those losses.

If you picture that as the preacher’s few choice words as the dirt is being shoveled over the coffin, it really works.

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Envy and jealousy: “Don’t talk Norwegian, talk American.”

If you’re a Notre Dame hata, then this Charlie Pierce piece is right up your alley.  It’s all enjoyable, but here’s a tasty sample:

… And, last, but most important of all — good god, can they be insufferable. They’re like sacramentalized Yankees fans. I have to say, I really enjoyed that 12-year stretch from 1995 to 2007 when they lost nine bowl games in a row, and when the average margin of defeat in those games was north of 17 points.

Yeah, baby.

Bonus points for the Rudy bashing (“a passel of unreconstructed mythopoeic bullpucky”).  I can’t stand that flick.  Or the real-life Rudy, for that matter.

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Envy and jealousy: Ode to Tyler Bray

This verges on the poetic:

… Of all the self-inflicted daggers Bray has wielded over the last three years, none has cut quite as deep as his late, game-killing fumble in Athens, which should not have come as a surprise – it is Tyler Bray’s raison d’être to absentmindedly push the wrong button, pull the wrong cord, lock the wrong door, nudging his beleaguered head coach ever closer to the edge – but somehow did after Bray completed four passes to move the Vols within striking distance of the tying (or potentially winning) touchdown.

**Sniff**  That’s beautiful.

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Envy and jealousy: A Clemson divided against itself…

This is freakin’ brilliant.

There are three Clemsons inside of Clemson, each battling the other for supremacy, and it’s become customary to see at least two of the three over the course of a single season – like last fall, for example. First, there’sTitle Contender Clemson: you saw these Tigers over the year’s first eight games and in the A.C.C. title game, when it knocked off Virginia Tech to win the program’s first conference title in 20 years. Then there’s Clemson Being Clemson, a team that lays an egg against Georgia Tech, committing four turnovers in a 14-point loss, or one that nearly plays down to its competition before sneaking a three-point win past Wake Forest – we all know this Clemson. Then there’s My God, Clemson, the team that fails to show up for a rivalry game against the Gamecocks, or the one that allows West Virginia to break the speed limit in a 70-33 Orange Bowl loss.

Clemson Being Clemson – I love that Clemson.  Which one’s your favorite?

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Envy and jealousy: the snark is strong with this one.

Granted, he’s gathering low-hanging fruit, but Jon Solomon’s piece on what a disappointment the addition of the 12th game to the college football schedule has turned out to be is an epic snarkfest.  And I do mean epic.  Here’s a sample:

“I would understand if the media misinterpreted the motive for the 12th game as a long-term fiscal fix, but I would be disappointed if athletics administrators saw it as anything but a short-term salve,” NCAA President Myles Brand wrote in 2005. “I believe most administrators and presidents understand that the decision is not a panacea for fiscal responsibility.”

No, that’s why a playoff is coming. But I digress.

**Sniff**.  That’s beautiful.

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Envy and jealousy: chillaxin’ in January

Josh Moon has a funny piece about the playoff talk at SEC Media Days.  This quip is my favorite part:

Kentucky’s Joker Phillips was all for the new setup, as was Mississippi State’s Dan Mullen. They’ll each be hosting watching parties at their homes.

Boom!

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