February 9, 2009 · 7:46 AM

It’s not firelanekiffin.com…

but as far as Junior-hatin’ goes, this is a pretty good start.

7 Comments

Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin

7 responses to “It’s not firelanekiffin.com…”

  1. RedCrake
    February 9, 2009 at 9:25 AM

    Loving that page.

    I especially like the link to the UT policy with states that it is against university policy for an employee to serve as supervisor to a relative.

    What now Kiffykins?

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  2. Ally
    February 9, 2009 at 9:41 AM

    I don’t know. Some of that is just a little too much.

    What does the arrest record of a Coach’s father (who has nothing to do w/ UT) have to do w/ Lane Kiffin’s ability to coach?

    Little over the top.

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  3. Dog in Fla
    February 9, 2009 at 10:40 AM

    GWOL (Global War on Lane) status report (extended version), 9 February 2009:

    Up the chain of command – After receiving incoming from Birmingham, Gainesville and Pahokee into the Green Zone in Knoxville, new intel to UT Athletic Director Mike Hamilton raises serious concerns that UT has neither the troop strength nor the ammunition needed to sustain Lane’s simultaneous opening of multiple battle fronts against the SEC West with unprovoked attacks on Sabin and The Hat and the SEC East with unprovoked attacks on Meyer, Spurrier and Richt.

    Latest intel is that the September battle in Gainesville will be Stalingrad because UT picked on someone bigger and better and the October battle in Tuscaloosa will be the Fall of Berlin because UT will likely be completely out of fuel and will have sustained a high casualty count because of an intervening Tet Offensive invasion of the Green Zone in Knoxville by Richt. Hamilton further fears that a provoked Jeremy Foley may not even be able to wait until then and may launch an all-out assault on the Green Zone in Knoxville well prior to the scheduled opening of the battle in Gainesville.

    Savvy enough to know that if his new hire Lane goes down, Hamilton goes down too, Hamilton instructs Lane to continue with Lane’s propaganda and disinformation ops but shift focus to the teams toward the bottom, not the top, of the SEC. Hamilton, without telling Lane, looks to hire consultants for “Operation Reverse Valkerie” to get out of the multi-front pre-emptive wars started by Lane.

    First in is Henry Kissinger who consults that peace with honor can only be achieved by B-52 saturation bombings during a week and half over Christmas time against SEC East and SEC West bases. Hamilton concerned because Christmas will be too late and, even if successful, Hamilton does not want to be airlifted off the top of the Neyland scoreboard by a chopper.

    Next up are Francis Ford Coppolla and Robert Duval who consult that napalm-B delivered by F-4’s immediately followed by Air Cav gunship attacks against the SEC East and SEC West bases is the ticket. Notwithstanding the guarantee that this would be termination with extreme prejudice, Hamilton concerned that price of gas makes cost of napalm too prohibitive, wonders if UT would have to pay royalties to Wagner heirs and thinks that Duval is too old to be piloting an attack helo.

    Weary of consultant-speak, Hamilton then confers with a highly recommended brand new boutique think-tank firm of uber-wealthy ruthless super-lobbyists. After quickly analyzing the hopelessness of the projected combat situation, the geniuses there suggest why not another pre-emptive attack and launch it during SEC Spring meetings in Destin or SEC Media Days in Birmingham based on the rationale that Sabin, Meyer and Spurrier are weapons of mass destruction or, in the alternative, have thought about trying to plan to develop themselves into weapons of mass destruction by buying a yellow pound cake. The think-tankers advise that no one would ever buy into Richt or The Hat being, or ever even think about being, a weapon of mass destruction or doing anything with a yellow pound cake other than eating it.

    Hamilton realizing up until the time he hired Lane and then, without warning, Lane going off prematurely multiple times, that would have been a super easy idea to sell, is now concerned about the believability of the WMD pretext. Nevertheless, Hamilton is assured by the think-tank pointman, who arrives on a scooter and prefers to remain anonymous, that the fact of the matter is that the primo bull think-tankers have sold many an idea crazier than that before.

    Hamilton receives assurances that, through a fully paid up-front ten figure non-refundable fixed fee no-bid contract plus munitions expended cost together with a five percent air travel surcharge for each coach targeted for extraordinary rendition, it can all be orchestrated by Halliburton through KBR, staged by Blackwater and Hamilton and UT do not have to worry about a thing with the only caveat being that Lane may run the risk of being expendable if he just so happens to be within the strike zone. Hamilton vacillates but before scooting off the think-tank pointman makes a demand on Hamilton that Hamilton has only 24 hours to accept the ticking time bomb offer.

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  4. Macallanlover
    February 9, 2009 at 11:44 AM

    Well played Dog in Florida. I must admit this is unprecedented for football at the coaching level in either the college or pro ranks. The number of gaffes in such a short period of time from this buffoon is startling. Vol fans are being forced to cover for him despite his indefensible remarks, and in doing so they are having to look just as ridiculous. At least Bama got to fire Mike Price immediately for being an idiot.

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  5. Dog in Fla
    February 9, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    Macallenlover:

    Danke!

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  6. masivatack
    February 9, 2009 at 1:39 PM

    that site may be busier than the AP wire. Whoever maintains it probably had no idea what they were getting into…

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  7. Lame Kitten
    May 7, 2010 at 3:39 PM

    http://www.firelanekiffin.com is obviously up and running (sort of)

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