Kiffin watch: pundit cat fight!

When the pundits start lining up to argue over who was the first to predict that Junior would flop, you know you’ve got a phenomenon on your hands.


Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin, The Blogosphere

2 responses to “Kiffin watch: pundit cat fight!

  1. Dog in Fla

    GWOL (Global War on Lane) status report (extended), 11 February 2009.

    Up the Chain of Command – When Enemy Correspondents Attack:

    Hamilton, stirred but not shaken, emerges from his executive underground bunker suite of offices deep inside the Green Zone in Knoxville because he has been summoned by Coach Pat Summit’s secretary to an early morning debriefing with Coach Pat Summit and Bruce Pearl at the Thompson-Boling structure, which even though above-ground , is not high on the enemy target list. For now, anyway.

    Even though the Thompson-Boling structure is not yet targetable, Hamilton knows that he is clearly a high value target and concerned that he may take some serious harrassment and interdiction fire enroute to Thompson-Boling.

    With the H & I fire in mind, Hamilton holsters his starter’s pistol, straps on his combat gear , which consists of a football helmet autographed and given to him by former Coach Phil Fulmer for six million dollars, shoulder pads, bullet-proof vest, cod-piece, knee-pads and shin pads and starts hurriedly skipping along.

    Hamilton knows, and has learned the hard way, that if there is one thing you absolutely do not want to do at UT, it is to be late to a debriefing set by Coach Pat Summit’s secretary.

    Hamilton already knows that he is about to get reamed by Coach pat Summit because of some UT alumni named Finebaum’s column yesterday. Intel to Hamilton is that although Finebaum publishes a weekly in the Mobile Press Register and supposedly gets paid by the Press Register, he really is a propaganda outlet for Sabin.

    Hamilton’s got a lot on his plate. The enemy correspondents only make it worse.

    Further, and perhaps more damaging, recent intel to Hamilton is that there is an enemy correspondent who goes by the name of “Senator Blutarsky” who leads and either operates out of, or has some kind of loose affilation with, a purported UGA terrorist camp supposedly located somewhere in a mountainous, hard to reach, area in North Georgia, but this intel has not yet been confirmed.

    Reports are that this “Senator” guy has even set up his own poll called a “Mumme Poll” that has a lot of participants. Hamilton wonders what kind of name is “Blutarsky” for an Egyptian? Hamilton also thinks to himself, “Senator?…, ‘Senator’ of what? Laying daily incessant withering machine gun fire on the Green Zone in Knoxville, that’s what!”.

    Out of breath and panting hard, Hamilton reaches the lobby of Coach Pat Summit’s Queen Bee Suite of Offices and Punishment Dispensation and announces that he is reporting for duty. The receptionist orders Hamilton into Coach Pat Summit’s secretary’s office and the secretary then orders Hamilton into Coach Pat Summit’s office. Hamilton enters the office as ordered, stands at attention, snaps off a crisp Marine Corp-like salute to Coach Pat Summit, says, “Sir, Good Morning, Ma’am!”.

    Coach Pat Summit orders Hamilton to stand at ease.

    Bruce Pearl is eating a bagel and cream cheese. Coach Summit is drinking black coffee out of a Starbucks pot. Hamilton is offered neither a bagel nor a pot of coffee, so he’s thinking that this is definitely a bad sign. Hamilton having trouble standing at ease but Coach Pat Summit orders him to relax because it won’t hurt as much.

    Coach Pat Summit takes the floor and in her precise command voice yells at Hamilton, “I just won 1,000 and you, Monte and Lane are getting all the pub, not me! What’s up with that?!”

    Before Hamilton can respond, Summit asks Hamilton why didn’t he hire Chuckie like Finebaum said he should. Hamilton nervously says that Chuckie wasn’t available, then. Coach Summit goes into meltdown and yells at Hamilton that because he was too busy trying to snake Chuckie’s defensive coordinator, Hamilton didn’t even think about trying to steal Chuckie from the Glazers who own the Bucs. Hamilton admits that’s true, sir, ma’am, but Hamilton didn’t get where he is by being a slow thinker.

    Hamilton tries to look Bruce Pearl in the eye, but can’t focus on anything other than the big Vol “T” that Summit’s secretary painted on Bruce’s sweaty chest. Hamilton thinks Bruce needs to wipe off the cream cheese droppings, shave his chest hair and lose some weight.

    Hamilton, regaining focus, because he knows that the Wrath of Pat is truly about to devour him, suggests, why not call in Finebaum and he and Bruce Pearl can have an “Alumni Prayer Breakfast in Honor of Coach Summit” and, in an unheard gesture of bipartisanship, I’ll even invite a “Senator” to moderate, breakup fights amongst the congregation, and take a collection.

    Coach Pat Summit thinks that’s a brilliant idea, orders Hamilton to make it so and call the “Senator” and Finebaum ASAP, tells Hamilton to smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em but police your cigarette butt and dismisses Hamilton from her suite of offices

    Hamilton snaps to attention, salutes, says, “Sir, Thank You, Ma’am!”, does a 180 and starts hurriedly skipping back toward his executive underground bunker suite.

    Hamilton looks at his watch and sees that it is only zero seven thirty, which means Monte is half-way through his daily meeting of the Department of Fatherland Security and that can only mean one thing: more damage for Hamilton to try to control.


  2. mykiesee

    These are becoming tiresome. Very long and not funny.