When you stop to think about it, this was practically inevitable.
“I had a chance to visit Lane Kiffin’s staff recently, and that group is unbelievable,” Lemming said of the Vols’ first-year head coach. “It’s a relentless group, and they’ve raised the bar in terms of what other SEC schools are doing with throwing money at top recruiters.”
Tom Lemming and Junior. Ugh. I get the shivers just thinking about it.
Get The Picture 
Global War on Lane (GWOL), Friday the Thirteenth continuation:
Practice field, Green Zone, Knoxville
Sunrise: After Phu has locked down the players, Monte is taking muster in his own mind who might show up today. Word is that Lemming has been sniffing around the Green Zone lately and actually put out some favorable propaganda, which was somewhat of a surprise to Monte because he thought Lemming was bought, sold and paid for by the esteemed Fightin’ Irish of Weiss. Monte doesn’t know if Lemming is still inside the Green Zone but if he is, Tombo may show up today doing some more sniffing.
The disinformation was that Lemming visited with the Confederacy of Dunces that is the assistant coach troopers at UT and that seven of those nine were relentless recruiters. Monte knew that Lane and Coach O were relentless high risk high reward recruiters but wondered who the two deadbeats were.
Monte also has a little concern about the bona fides of Lemming. Now that Gruden is on the loose looking for work, Gruden always pops up first on the Notre Dame list for those disenchanted with Charlie, a list which is comprised of just about everybody except Charlie and him immediate family, but Monte has heard that Finebaum wants AD Hamilton to terminate the existing football coaching staff with prejudice and install a Gruden dream team regime. Finebaum and Hamilton are of no concern, but Monte has heard the rumor that Pat Summit may jump on board with any coup attempt. Monte can handle Finebaum and Hamilton, no problem, but if Pat’s going to get involved, it’s going to be a lot more difficult.
In getting the entertainment package together, Monte had told Two several days ago to hire some Playboy Bunnies who were sorority sisters of hers and get some bodyguards and weaponry for defensive purposes for the pre-practice entertainment that was going to get the assistant coach troopers’ minds off of what was about to happen to them. Monte told Two. “I tell you what, I don’t want any attack, whether by land, sea or air against this practice.
Monte told Two that she needed to hire a Creedence Clearwater cover band. Two told Monte that Clearwater is too far to go and suggested that her Daddy, the music producer in Nashville, could get them some studio musicians instead of a CCR cover band. Monte told Two he was concerned whether the studio guys could cover CCR. Two looked at Monte and said, ” Whatever? Monte, Hello? These are studio musicians out of Nashville…Nashville kats…they can cover anything from Aretha to Zeppellin. I think they’ll be able to cover the four beats of CCR, no problem.”
Two tells Monte that she is also going to need to hire the UT Pep Band to play for the studio guys during their break. Monte asks why a break is necessary and Two says union rules. Monte then asks Two if the Pep Band can cover CCR and Two says that nobody in any of the UT bands can play anything other than “Rocky Top” because if they could play anything else before they enrolled at UT, and some of them actually could, the band directors would beat it out of them.
On the bodyguards, Two knew exactly where to go to get them. Although she was majoring in Whatever, her minor was Poly Sci. Getting the Xe mercenaries and weaponry would be easy because they were basically between jobs and name changes now.
Two knew The Gunny was still out of action from having his nuts shot off by the Air Cav in the February Friday the Thirteenth attack. The Gunny survived okay but was still going back and forth between Bethesda and Walter Reed getting fitted with a new set of custom-made kevlar coated titanium balls the size of grapefruit, so although Gunny would be NPQ for this security detail, he should be good to go next month.
Seems that although the last administration had no problem with the mercenaries doing the thing they did, the new one does. There were unfounded crazy allegations out there that Xe’s predecessor outfit was not winning the hearts and minds of Iraqis but instead was slaughtering them for causing traffic jams at rush hour in downtown Baghdad. They said it was just a little traffic flow problem, some wires got crossed, so they just opened fire to clear the intersection. The last administration said okay, no problem, but not this one.
The scheduler for Xe told Two that Xe had hired the same topgun lobbyists who just got several hundred trillon in bailouts to give those badly needed bonuses to the AIG execs and those same topguns were prepping the bids to get Xe the work for the new excellent adventure in Afghanistan and Pakistan. The topguns now know to call it infrastructure work and the newbies in this administration will bite.
The Xe guy said it’s pretty much a done deal and the new administration’s fast-tracking those bids so Xe can get over there before the Pakistanis set off their nukes to blowup their own little part of the world.
The Xe guy told Two that they would soon be over in that part of the world directing airstrikes, terminating certain lucky selected people with prejudice and unloading heavy mortar and rocket fire on the Taliban to keep the price of heroin up, but in between tours of duty, Xe would be more than happy to help out Two and Monte.
Two screeched up to the practice field, hopped out of her 911, General Lee Luke and Bo style. She looked delectable in her see through halter, no bra, and LiLo short shorts….
(to be continued…)
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“I had a chance to visit Lane Kiffin’s staff recently, and that group is unbelievable,” Lemming said of the Vols’ first-year head coach. “It’s a relentless group, and they’ve raised the bar in terms of what other SEC schools are doing with throwing money at top recruits”.
Fixed (per Bryce Brown signing).
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ROTFLMAO, just as I predicted here a couple of weeks ago, Bryce Brown, aka, “Probation coming down the tracks” signed with Ufk today. OMG, can it get any better than this?
They are an absolute tire fire. Lane Kiffin and whatever is going on in Knoxville is like the laser disc. Most people just look on through squinted eyes, wonder, “why” and just wait until it goes away because of its total uselessness. There are the few dedicated loyalists, however, who are absolutely smitten and see it as the Revolution.
It would have to be really, really hard to be a Ufk fan right now. I cannot imagine Boy Blunder being there more than 2 years.
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Selfishly speaking, I think it’s awesome.
I think this has the potential to be a bigger headache for Mike Slive than the “Urban cheats” debacle.
It’s blogger heaven!
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