Today’s public service announcement, via Team Speed Kills:
The Great Lane Kiffin Debate. Permit C&F to lead off with a completely self-promotional item today, particularly since there isn’t much real “news” in the SEC right now. Tonight, barring some sort of significant techincal glitch, Team Speed Kills will partner with Rocky Top Talk, Roll Bama Roll and Get the Picture to present the Great Lane Kiffin Debate, a live-blogging discussion of the past, present and future for Lane Kiffin at Tennessee.
The event will begin at 8 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. CT. Again, if all goes as planned, you’ll be able to participate in the debate through comments — in a moderated fashion — here at Team Speed Kills, while guests to the other sites can do the same there.
We have as many people as might have been offended by Kiffin as is possible to do and have the dicsussion make sense — your humble correspondent will represent the gas-pumping South Carolinians, Year2 will carry the banner of cheating Florida Gators, Todd of Roll Bama Roll will refuse to thank Lance Thompson for coming up with his Alabama-based arguments and Blutarsky’s grandmother will insist he take up Georgia’s banner. And we’ll have two Tennessee fans to take up for Lane Kiffin.
And I got through that whole thing without once writing “Boy Wonder.”
Aw, crap.
The likelihood of embarrassment for me here is considerable. And that’s just in terms of whether I can figure out how to use the blogging software. Be merciful, people.
We will try to avoid committing any secondary violations during the discussion, but I hope we don’t have to check our nicknames at the (virtual) door.
Get The Picture 
Good luck with this tonight. I hope to be able to check in. . . . . . I really dig all of your Kiffin coverage. Its great to start just about every day with a laugh.
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Can’t wait.
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Global War on Lane (GWOL) Crisis of the Day (COD) Piece, (extended version – The Great Lane Kiffin Debate Prep), 17 June 2009.
Bunker, Green Zone, Knoxville:
Zero Eleven Fifteen or so, Department of Fatherland Security daily meeting:
Lane asks Coach O to take muster of assistant coach troopers. Monte still MIA. Layla Two brings Lane his usual Chai Tea Latte Venti, not hot, not cold, but coolhand luke warm, from Starbucks and hands him the daily intel report, which Lane now since Monte has been AWOL insists on calling the”Presidential Daily Briefing.”
After quickly reading the bullet points in the one page PDB, Lane folds it into a paper airplane and shoots it at Coach O who catches it in his mouth and eats it.
Lane asks Layla Two who would he contact to call in some airstrikes on cocknfire to stop his so-called The Great Lane Kiffin Debate scheduled for tonight at 2000 ET or 1900 CT.
Lane thinks cocknfire is sniffing a little of the fumes from what’s left of the gas in South Carolina to get just a little high and a buzz on for moderating the attacks on him tonight. Lane wants to give cocknfire a little extra dose of napalm to increase the high and also vaporize the other enemy correspondent pains in ass, Senator, Year 2, Todd, TSK, et cetera, et cetera.
Layla Two, toying with Lane, reminds him that if he were to do that he would also napalm the two Tennessee fans would will be there to uphold Lane’s honor tonight and that Lane does not need to wipe out his entire fan base in one airstrike.
Lane tells Layla Two that in times of war, friendly fire and collateral damage and stuff happens darn it, my two fans will soon get to meet that 71 year virgin wearing All Vol Orange in the checkerboard endzone of Heaven so the sacrifice of their lives for the overall good of the order will be well worth it.
Layla Two then breaks the news to Lane that all of the enemy correspondents and his two Tennessee fans will not be physically located in the same geographic strike zone but will be scattered throughout the Southeast and that the planned attack will occur over the ethernet.
Lane scratches head, musses hair and calls stylist over to rebrush and respray. Lane knows that acting like a leader is more important than being a leader and that top-notch appearance is the key part of acting like a leader.
Lane says to Layla Two, “Well, if you’re so smart what do you suggest we do about The Great Lane Kiffin Debate?”
Layla Two responds, “Well, it says you are ‘Great’ and that in and of itself is what you are all about and moreover it fits in nicely with the Master Plan that you and the AD are evolving each day counter-punching in response to daily attacks.
When the enemy correspondents are calling you ‘Great’ you’ve got their attention just like you got the attention of the Mayor of Pahokee.”
Lane pensively says, “You’re right, I am great am I not? But are you sure that whether or not ‘I am great’ would even be a topic of the debate this evening?”
Layla Two says, “Who knows? But keep saying over and over again in your own mind, not aloud, that yes, you are great. Take a nap this afternoon. Man up tonight, put your pads on, cinch up your helmet, put your nutguard in and you can even participate in the Lane Lambaste and Kiffin Killfest tonight using the blog name of ‘Life in the Fast Lane,’ and you’ll do just fine.”
Lane dismisses the assistant coach troopers, telling them to take the rest of the day off. Those few who were paying attention to Lane were laughing. Most who were paying attention to student intern Layla Two were putting in requisition slips for their own superhot blonde student intern to give to AD Mike Hamilton. They’ve heard the SEC TV bucks are fixing to roll in so ergo no budgetary constraints and if Lane can take over Monte’s intern, why not a bailout via an intern for each and every one of them?
Coach O requisitions, not a blonde, but a superhot black-haired brown-eyed girl who speaks Creole. O puts an exclamation point behind ‘superhot!’ He learned not only English but punctuation too in the English as Second Language Course that Monte had previously ordered him to enroll in. That was all back in the good old days before Monte went AWOL.
Lane asks Layla Two whether she would like to sushi with him for lunch today in what he calls ‘The Oval Office’ in the bunker and try on and maybe model some dresses that Lane had earlier requisitioned from the Fashion Apparel Department. Layla Two says thanks for the offer but no can do, got a class I’m late for and finally says to Lane, “You’re going to do great tonight. Sticks and stones cannot hurt you. You are a man.”
Lane can’t help but admire Layla Two’s fine ass as she climbs up the ladder out of the bunker to get to her class and after she closes the hatch on her way out to class, he thinks to himself, “I miss Daddy. I wonder where Daddy is? Why won’t Daddy contact me?”
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gimme a hanky
sniff sniff……Blutarsky’s all grown up and bashing Kiffin on a larger platform. sniff sniff. We’re so PROUD of you, Senator!!
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It’s amazing any of us have jobs
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