Kiffin watch: lost in time

Evidently Junior’s master plan doesn’t involve owning a calendar.

At least Layla knows what to get her man for Christmas now.

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UPDATE: The Laner’s chosen a Clintonesque, weasel words defense.

Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin emphasized Wednesday morning that defensive back Nyshier Oliver was not arrested in his first public comments since news broke Tuesday afternoon that the freshman was cited for theft by shoplifting hours before the team played Memphis on Nov. 7.

When asked last Thursday about the arrests of three other players in an alleged attempted armed robbery, Kiffin said, “We made it 11 months and 11 days without any incidents.”

In other words, it depends upon what the meaning of the word “incidents” is.

8 Comments

Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin

8 responses to “Kiffin watch: lost in time

  1. NebraskaDawg

    Kiffin’s bringing the pride and glory that is the “Fulmer Cup” back to it’s rightful home.

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  2. dean

    If somebody is going to make up a story at least make it believable; Safety Nyshier Oliver was cited on November 7th for shoplifting at a Knoxville mall. They expect us to believe there’s a mall in Knoxville.

    At least Peter Warrick was smart enough to find some young cashier to sweet talk and get 200% off his merchandise.

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  3. Dog in Fla

    Global War on Lane (GWOL) Crisis of the Day (COD) Piece, “The Shawshank Green Mile”, 18 November 2009

    Underground bunker, Green Zone, Knoxville

    Department of Fatherland Security briefing, 0915

    Monte’s been MIA since Dexter McCluster’s dropped a cluster bomb on Monte’s defense. Up to that point, if there was one thing you could say about the program, it was that Monte’s defense could completely de-nut the Georgia pro-style offense and now even that doesn’t make either Tennessee or Georgia look so good in view of Dexter’s devastation and laying waste on Monte’s vaunted D.

    Lane, having recently gained ‘street cred’ is now allowed to not only take muster but actually try to conduct the meeting of assistant coach trooper along with their wayward standouts of Lane, Coach O, Eddie and Lance’s very first recruiting class.

    Lane calls the assistant coach troopers, the waywards and the outside wardens contracted in from ArmorGroup North America who was able to provide the program with guards and wardens from the few select experts who were just fired from guarding the U.S. Embassy in Afghanistan for various and sundry hijinx although neither Lane nor Mike know anything about the history of those badasses.

    Lane having done the manly thing by jettisoning two out of three Vols involved in the Prius strong-arm robbery caper now must deal with what he first thought was a purse-snatcher. Lane was relieved to find out that it was only shoplifting, maybe not as highly refined and sophisticated as the Free Shoes Caper pulled off by FSU standouts years ago, which still remains the industry standard in not only how to not do it but do it right. In this case, Lane thinks it may have been more than just a coincidence that the thing lifted was a purse.

    After consulting with Little Wayne, now an outside consultant to the NFL feeder program that is Tennessee, Lane orders that this shall be a matter for Internal Affairs and decrees that Nyshier’s ‘internal punishment’ is to watch an endless loop of this video to know that unless he changes his ways, this is what he could turn out to be. The only downside is that the chick narrator(s) sound hot, or young, or both, but at least she/they don’t appear in the video…

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  4. Minor detail: Oliver wasn’t arrested, he was cited. Kiffin’s statement was accurate.

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  5. Dog in Fla

    Lane, not being a keen student of what some of the best political theatre comedy ever was, asks Monte what “depends upon what the meaning of the word “incidents” is,” means.

    Monte says to Lane that that, plus what 11 months and 11 days is, equals what 30 days in the hole is…

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