Kiffin watch: what’s worse than schadenfreude?

Holy cow, what did you expect, Vol Nation?  You hired a preening, self-promoting mercenary who never tried to hide what he was and now you want to act all betrayed about it?  The Tennessee job had stepping stone written all over it; the only surprise here was how quickly Junior’s dream job came open.  And if you folks don’t think the Laner was lobbying Mike Garrett for the position five seconds after he heard it came open (probably direct from Pete Carroll’s lips), you’re even more delusional than most of us already believed you to be.

You can get some of the night’s flavor here, but basically –

  • to call the farewell press conference perfunctory would be to do a disservice to the word “perfunctory”;  Junior spoke for a minute (he told the media he only wanted 30 seconds of it taped, but they ignored him) and wouldn’t take any questions;
  • the campus reaction was, um, unfriendly – UT students did their best impression of a Morgantown, WV crowd by burning a mattress;
  • there are something like 8-10 early enrollees whose college choice is in limbo, as the first day of class is today (attending would lock them into Tennessee);
  • Coach O reportedly tampered with Tennessee’s recruits on the way out the door; and
  • Mike Hamilton’s shopping list is both creative and likely to be quite expensive.  (I really hope he’s dumb enough to hire Jon Gruden, who’s both overrated and someone who’s never had to recruit.  I’d fear the hire of Cutcliffe, but I think his lack of recruiting prowess probably scotches his chances.)

The absolute best thing about it all is Urban Meyer’s reaction to the news.  Talk about the cat that swallowed the canary.  That probably shaved three months off his recovery time.

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UPDATE: Coach O defines “shameless”.

Consider this scene: While Lane Kiffin attempted to tell the Tennessee players that he was no longer going to be their coach in a meeting that nearly got out of hand, Kiffin’s recruiting coordinator, Ed Orgeron, was calling some of those same players — mid-term freshmen who’d yet to enroll — and trying to convince them not to enroll and instead follow Kiffin and Orgeron to Southern California.

The punchline?

Afterward, Orgeron’s Tennessee-issued cell phone was turned off.

37 Comments

Filed under Because Nothing Sucks Like A Big Orange, Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin

37 responses to “Kiffin watch: what’s worse than schadenfreude?

  1. Todd

    I cannot stop laughing over the whole thing this morning.

    I almost feel badly for Ufk fans. But, I don’t.

    Kiffin is a genius, got to give it to him. He has managed to get the cake job in all of football without ever doing a damned thing.

    His sad story, however, will come with the fact that he will be totally exposed as a scum bag, blowhard with no actual coaching acumen by the time he is 40.

    I also feel a little sad for Monte. This guy is being led around like a show dog by his own son. Pitiful. The whole thing is just pitiful and embarrassing.

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    • rbubp

      Anyone who wants a little unvarnished, potentially unsafe-language-for-work reaction from one of the madding crowd should enjoy this. (I laughed, I laughed…)

      Like

  2. NebraskaDawg

    I wasn’t surprised that Kiffin took the job, I was surprised it was offered to him.

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  3. Brandon

    Tennessee Fans: It was all a part of the plan.

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  4. Irishdawg

    I may just sit here and die laughing. USC has just replaced a two-faced weasel with another two faced weasel, albeit one with no coaching resume.

    Now, can sky-is-falling Dawg fans who are so heartsick over our DC search calm down a little? Things could be worse.

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    • Todd

      They could be, but Ufk is lost, UF just lost Tebow, and we cannot get our sh*t together to fill the vacuum in the SEC East.

      I know it’s crazy, but things really are setting up for Scu in 2010.

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      • rbubp

        They’re going to get probation to the high heavens, which is likely one of the reasons Carroll bolted and that they had a hard time generating interest in the position.

        (For all who are worried about how UGA conducts its coaching searches, this approach does have a whiff of panic about it. They apparently ran through more than just Del Rio and Riley in getting to someone who would take it in appropriately slobbering fashion.)

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      • Puffdawg

        “we cannot get our sh*t together…”

        Already lost hope on 2010? Not sure what you mean. Please elaorate…

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  5. Pumpdawg

    This has been in the works for awhile.Remember he told his team that they would never lose to UGA as long as he was there.

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    • Puffdawg

      “The Trojans needed to replace Carroll quickly, but did they need to move so quickly that they compromised their future?”

      THAT quote sums up my feelings about the DC process at UGA. Richt knows what he is doing guys.

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  6. DistrictDawg

    I am having mixed emotions about Kiffin leaving.
    One of my favorite pastimes was to wake up, read up on the latest Kiffin disaster, then fire off a heavy dose of smack talk to my friends who are Tennessee fans. I just hope their new hire can fill that void.

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  7. Turd Ferguson

    I don’t feel bad for Vol fans at all. He’s been a douche the whole time, not just last night. And besides, this will likely turn out better for them anyway.

    And I hate to say it, but … with the staff he’ll have, I don’t have any doubt that he’ll be successful at USC.

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    • Todd

      Well, hopefully, USC is about to finally go on probation.

      And multiples secondary violations while on Probation means more probation.

      Laney’s fame is a double edged sword. It is what got him the USC job, but it is what will keep the NCAA snooping around when they otherwise may have been inclined to close shop.

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    • Puffdawg

      Couldn’t agree more. That was my first impression. UT absolutely just got lucky as hell. They may not think it, but they’re better off without him.

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  8. keith

    This may not be good for us. If UT hires a home run quickly, recruiting will jump back up for them.

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    • Brandon

      Tennessee will unquestionably be better off in the long run, I would guess the NCAA was getting ready to set up shop in Knoxville to snoop around but Kiffin will save them the trouble by going to USC where they already are. Everybody at UT should be breathing a sigh of relief, the guy was a complete embarassment.

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  9. Scorpio Jones, III

    Maybe I am just getting soft in my old age, but I just hate this for the devoted UT fans.

    I can’t even begin to imagine how this must feel, and thank God for that.

    The YouTube link from rbubp is priceless.

    But if you don’t feel this feller’s pain, just a little bit, I gotta wonder about you.

    and since I am feeling all in touch with my feelings and all this morning:

    Dear Vincent,

    Thanks for not taking the Oklahoma job or the Auburn job, and most of all thanks for making the right hire.

    I know you built the stadium from wooden high school bleachers to the edifice it is today, and as far as I am concerned it will forever be “Dooley Sanford”

    Dear Mark,

    You take as much time as you need to hire the DC you think is best.

    I have just lately realized how important it is to have a good man as your coach.

    Love,

    Da Scorpster

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  10. “the campus reaction was, um, unfriendly – UT students did their best impression of a Morgantown, WV crowd by burning a mattress;”

    Hillbilly is as hillbilly does, I reckon.

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  11. Dog in Fla

    Global War on Lane (GWOL) Crisis of the Day (COD) Piece

    “Lane Has Done R-u-n-n-o-f-t!” (extended Coach O Happy Day version)

    Inside the Perimeter, Green Zone, Knoxville

    Zero Dark Thirty, 13 January 2010:

    GWOL Escalates. The COD is that the Battle Front Shifts From Green Zone, Knoxville to Inner-City Los Angeles Just North of Watts/Compton and the Slauson Avenue Cutoff.

    UT AD Hamilton was spotted at daybreak, battle-gear including codpiece tightly strapped on, slowly pedaling his bicycle from his electrical utility closet office in the underground bunker on his way to Head Coach Pat Summit’s office for what Hamilton knows is going to be a world-class ass-reaming ball-kicking for his foolish-ass decision to hire Lane, Monte, O and others in the first-***king place.

    While there is no incoming rocket and mortar fire directed inside the Green Zone this morning, Hamilton expects that the onslaught will re-start just as soon as various enemy correspondents of the other The SEC teams can recalibrate the faucets of their mental facilities to determine whether this should be a moment of mirth, which at first it seems would be, or a moment of sorrow because of Lane’s passing from the Bob Davies area of Lane being an immediate geographical rival high-value target, which it will be.

    Hamilton always knew back in the fun days of Lane calling Urban a cheater and pissing off the Mayor of the muck kingdom of Pahokee that when Lane’s ass was gone, Hamilton’s ass would be run out of town on a rail shortly if not immediately thereafter. Hamilton couldn’t sleep at all last night frightened that this was going to happen. Quicker than he imagined. This was all he could think about because he knows everybody told him to hire Gruden instead of his Zookian hiring of Lane in the first place. Hamilton has a headache.

    He just didn’t know Lane’s strategic bailout departure would happen so quickly after getting such a large economic stimulus from Hamilton. As he pedals, Hamilton thinking about Lane listens to this on his iPod

    Hamilton knows one of the first things he’s got to get a memo to interim coach Kippy for Kippy to hold a presser and disseminate that instead of being called Kippy, Kippy is to be called Butch or Jason or something, anything more manly than Kippy. Had Lane become Tommy Trojan just a couple of days earlier, Hamilton could have had Tommy Tubberville bring his patented Air Raid spread attack to the Green Zone. But no, Lane had to even dick Hamilton over even on the timing of that issue. Heck, Lane even took Coach O with him. Hamilton could have recycled Coach O. Hamilton’s first choice should be Cutcliffe but Hamilton knows that Cutcliffe won’t have anything to do with Hamilton because Hamilton screwed Fulmer over. The great thing about Cutcliffe is that he would have put the fear of God into whatever DC Richt ever hires if he ever does hire one at Georgia.

    Hamilton knows he’s got to have a Plan because he knows that Head Coach Pat Summit will demand to know what his Plan is now since he’s screwed the last one up big time. Lane arrives at Head Coach Pat Summit’s office, is motioned by receptionist to enter. Hamilton knocks, is told to enter. He does, enters and sees Pat comfortably seated on her throne with Bruce the jester, shirt off, all vol orange and white dreamsicle “T” freshly painted on freshly-shaved chest by traveling hostess squad chicks. Bruce with his jester feather is sitting on a stool beside Pat smirking at Hamilton. Hamilton salutes Pat and stands at rigid attention. Pat tells Hamilton at ease smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em or dip if you want but don’t make a mess. Hamilton is somewhat relieved at the friendly greeting but knows his new Plan that he presents to Head Coach Pat Summit has to involve not only a newly formulated Plan but also some type of an apologetic explanation so he begins with this

    Pat is pleased. She smiles as she pats Bruce on the head and tells Hamilton to get his ass out of her office and try to do something right for a change. Hamilton is relieved knowing that whoever he gets next has to be approved by Pat first. Hamilton loosens his codpiece and battle-gear, hops on his bicycle and pedals as fast as he can back to his electrical closet to think it about for awhile happy knowing that he has

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  12. aristoggle

    I’d like to know what “a meeting that nearly got out of hand” means.

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  13. Rum-Dawg Millionaire

    You know who the real loser in all of this is – Dog in Fla. Who is he going to write about now?

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    • Dog in Fla

      Excellent point. You are right about that. Am still in shellshock. Lane’s sudden Escape From Knoxville departure means only that there are two to three real comics left standing and absolutely no clown princes amongst the uber-wealthy esteemed corps of The SEC Head Coaches.

      Urban, but who can take any special joy out of needling a dehydrated guy who gets anxiety attacks like he does? He needs some moisturizing not tough love. Nick definitely. He’s still short and speaks in parables about sh!t that he doesn’t have time for. The Hat? Is on backwards or sideways? Who cares? Except Trooper maybe and he’s not head coach yet until they push Chiznick out of the company plane.

      But the silver-lining bridge over troubled waters bottom line win out of this loss for me, and for all of us as a matter of fact and fiction, is that we’ll just have to start executing better, stop self-flaggellating and beating ourselves with typos, establish the ground game, get back to fundamentals, spellchek will get ’em next time, it is what it is and that my carpal will now be able to see the bright light at the end of its tunnel.

      Way back when like yesterday I used to think this about Lane back when I took him for granted…

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  14. 69Dawg

    Well the Kiffers plan is still working UT is getting tons of media attention. Jumping in front of a moving train will get you that attention but it also hurts. Mike & Mike had Pat Summit on the show to talk about Lane. Dog in Fl got it right she was not amused.

    So far the USC AD has dodged some of the bullets and the ESPN/USC spin doctors are making the best of it for USC but they are all over Lane for his part in the story. The secret as we all know is that Lane is just like Queen Elizabeth, just a figure head, USC needs Coach O to hold the class together and they need Monte for his legends status. If they can get Chow back they will have won. Now if Chow goes back he should get more money than any of them because they pissed on him the last time.

    Too bad we lose the best off season SEC coach we’ve had in years.

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  15. Normaltown Mike

    I hope that some enterprising reporter contacts
    Corey Zickefoose about Lane’s departure.

    I think every SEC fan can look to Philadelphia’s poet laureate Tom Keifer for solace.

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  16. Sefdawg

    While I am getting supreme enjoyment out of all of this, I need Damon to get USC on the phone and get them on our schedule pronto. I cannot have Kiffikin’s one-and-done on us. I will have a small twist in my gut until retribution is delivered to the Laner’s doorstep.

    Like