Holy Heisman

Ending the only real suspense over the Heisman Trophy award ceremony, Cecil Newton announced that he won’t attend, saying in part,

“So that my son Cam Newton can receive all the honors and congratulations that he has worked so hard to accomplish without distraction, I have decided not to be in attendance at the ceremony as it will perhaps rob Cam and the event of a sacred moment.”

“A sacred moment”?  Does that mean the GPOOE™ will present the award?

Simulated reenactment of Cecil Newton's Heisman vision


Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands

20 responses to “Holy Heisman

  1. Hogbody Spradlin

    Cam was recently seen shopping at Halos-R-Us.

  2. TennesseeDawg

    God will be filling in for Cecil.

  3. heyberto

    Speaking of Cecil, anyone catch Cam’s comments last night? –

    Newton told ESPN he hadn’t directly asked his father what transpired between him and Mississippi State, but “at the end of the day, I can look him in the eye and know he has my best interests at heart.”


    • Mayor of Dawgtown

      For me, the moment I became certain that Cam (either directly or through Cecil) had been paid by Auburn to go there was Cam spoke after the SECCG and made vague references to “rumors and innuendo” and said he would not comment on such, but never denied anything. His comment reeked of guilt.

  4. hodgie

    If Cam were a bust at QB this whole story would not even be close to the same. I’m sick every time I see him on tv. Especially, when he smiles. My little girl is scared of him. She thinks he is a shark.

  5. gastr1

    Anything involving secular gain is sacred, silly!

  6. Scorpio Jones, III

    I want to believe Cam Newton. I really do. He may be the best college offensive player I have ever seen, although the comparison with Herschel is difficult to do.

    I want to believe Cam Newton because, with the obvious exception of one game this year, he has been poetry to watch.

    I want to believe Cam Newton because, although I understand the aversion to his being a little too slick, a little too poised, a little smarmy, a little too Tebow-like in his post game love fests, if Cam Newton is actually dirty then we have all suffered.

    I want to believe Cam Newton because if he is dirty, he and the people around him, may have done irreperable harm to college football.

    I want to believe Cam Newton because if he is dirty, forget Awbun, the whole SEC, and indeed, the game itself, may never recover.

    I want to believe Cam Newton, but there is something about that huge smile that makes me itch. I wish it did not, but it does.

    • heyberto

      I’ll say this.. I’m not sure either, and as opposed to being dirty, I tend to think he has a skewed view of what’s right and wrong.. given the history. A father is a son’s primary role model, and we all know what Cecil has admitted to. Cam clearly idolizes his father… what does that say about Cam? Not good things. So yeah, its bad and I’m not saying Cam is a victim of his father like the NCAA has. I feel bad that he has had such a poor role model, but to me its no surprise that the kid is not squeaky clean given the actions of his father, and I think I could buy his story much more readily if he were more condemning of his father’s role in all this.

      • Scorpio Jones, III

        Yeah, the idea Newton has “different views” of right and wrong is certainly possible….Mike Vick had the same sort of “different view”.

        I can’t imagine the kid throwing his father under the bus publicly, no matter what he might (or might not) have done….family dynamics sure can be a weird thing, though.

        During the interviews the WorldWideOrderof Weasels did I just had the feeling Newton had rehearsed his answers, which, one would assume is logical…..I guess.

        • heyberto

          All great points. I guess with his father, I was thinking he would have done the opposite. Publicly distanced himself better with a little denouncement of his father’s actions, but privately be fully supportive. Just for the benefit of being more ‘politically correct’. Instead he essentially said he knows Cecil has his ‘best interests at heart’, which just doesn’t ring true to me.

          • Scorpio Jones, III

            Yep, “best interests at heart” could be interpreted as “Daddy’s handling the money stuff, I just play ball.”

    • AthensHomerDawg

      I’d like to believe too, but I just ain’t feelin’ it.


      • Scorpio Jones, III

        And, I keep asking myself if my little niggle of doubt about Newton comes from being, after all, a fan of a team he eviscerated recently.

        Probably pretty hard to remove that from the equation.

        • heyberto

          I think I’m over that aspect. I’m still livid about Nick Fairley and the lack of action by the powers that be and his coach.. but Auburn in general? I don’t have any outright anger directed at the team/school/fans anymore. We’ll see if that creeps up next year if they start talking trash like ‘bama fans seem to.😉

  7. mant

    Only 14 shopping days left ! Right now the NCAA is offering 0 down 0% interest for 48 months on all junior college quarterback transfers !

  8. Turd Ferguson

    When money-grubbing parasites masquerade as ministers, they see things like this as “sacred.”

  9. Scott

    I wonder if Cam has been circumcised yet? Two war eagles with one stone.

  10. crapsandwich

    I think it would be funny if Rogers showed up.