Zen and the art of being 0-4 in the SEC East

I don’t have a clue what this is supposed to mean.

Dooley: "What's the smallest room in the world? A mushroom. What's the largest room in the world? Room for improvement."

— Wes Rucker (@wesrucker247) October 24, 2011

Feel free to translate in the comments.

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Likewise, I’m sure.

Ah, yes, here we go.

Sharrif Floyd on watching Georgia – "I didn't see anything outstanding." #Dawgs #UGA #Gators

— Thomas Goldkamp (@Goldkamp247) October 24, 2011

Why there’s hope in the East, in three sentences

ESPN succinctly clues you in:

… The Gamecocks will have to rely on Brandon Wilds at running back from here on out. Remember, he was fifth on the depth chart coming into the season. He’d better stay healthy because the depth isn’t great at all and there are former walk-ons waiting in the wings.

When you were once the fifth-string guy, former walk-ons are a real threat.

Cocktail Party drinking game

Seems àpropos, no?  A few simple, yet obvious rules to follow:

• Every time Verne mentions that Will Muschamp is a former Bulldog, take a drink.
• Every time Verne mentions Muschamp’s effort to clean up his language, take a drink.
• Every time CBS catches Muschamp losing his temper on the sidelines, take a drink.
• Every time Muschamp loses his temper over being a former Bulldog, take two drinks.
• Take a drink every time Mark Richt’s hot seat is mentioned.
• Take a drink every time a reference is made to that seat being cooled by the five-game winning streak.
• If Gary says Richt’s seat is hot again by the end of the game, finish the bottle.
• If Gary says Georgia is still in the driver’s seat to win the East by the end of the game, finish the bottle.  Then get another one.
• If Verne calls the trip to Atlanta to play the best team in the country Georgia’s consolation prize, give him the finger and finish the second bottle.
• Take a drink every time Todd Grantham is called “fiery”.
• If CBS shows the clip of Grantham giving the choke sign in last year’s game, take a drink, gargle and swallow.
• If Muschamp and Grantham get into a post game rumble, take a drink and then break the bottle over the head of the person nearest to you.
• Take a drink if John Jenkins gets mentioned in the same comment with Terrence Cody.
• Take as many drinks as you need when the conversation turns to the Alabama-LSU game.
• Take a drink every time 3-18 is brought up.
• Pour everyone a drink if Gary or Verne mentions it’s now 4-18.  (Cigars are optional.)

About those Florida quarterbacks…

[Editor’s Note:  This week, we’re all going to have to indulge in a collective case of selective amnesia about a certain pesky 3-18 trend, or else there’s little purpose to my posting over the next few days.]

As of this morning, Vegas hasn’t set a line on the Georgia-Florida game, presumably because of John Brantley’s status.  Mark Richt expects that situation to stay in limbo right up until the last minute.

“My guess is we’re not going to know who’s going to start that game until, it might be until they warm-up before we really know,” Georgia coach Mark Richt said.

So Todd Grantham will be left preparing for everybody.

“I’m sure we’re not going to know anything out of that until later on,” Georgia defensive coordinator Todd Grantham said. “It’s kind of the philosophy down there.”

Said Richt: “We really don’t know who’s going to play. We don’t know who’s going to start. So we’re just going to have a plan for when each man is in there and then try to get as much information as we can going into the game.”

The kitchen sink approach is nothing new for the Gators.  It’s what they did at last year’s Cocktail Party, although that was a decision driven more by strategy than by injury.  Statistically, though, Florida finds itself in much the same place as it did last season.  During the bye week in 2010, UF was 91st nationally with 329.00 yards of total offense per game. This year, it’s 89th with 353.71.  By any standard, that’s anemic, but by Mullen-Tebow-Harvin metrics, that’s downright awful.

When you look at what Charlie Weis has to work with, you’d have to think he’d rather not screw around with a quarterback by committee approach.  Brantley is Florida’s only quarterback with a passer rating over 100.  Even if you factor in Trey Burton’s running threat, Florida’s best option is Brantley, by a significant margin.  But you have to wonder how Brantley’s gimpy ankle factors into this.  Florida’s given up nine sacks (out of eleven total for the season) in its last three games, and Cornelius Washington is back.

What do I expect?  If Brantley can stand up on his own, he’s playing.  While he’s in, look for Weis to call for safe, quick passes that protect his quarterback from the rush and don’t test Georgia’s secondary.  (Boise State made a game out of that.)  And expect Burton to get tossed in on occasion to run the Wildcat.  Don’t think Weis hasn’t taken note of what Vanderbilt did with a running quarterback against Georgia’s defense, not to mention that Burton killed the Dawgs with his running last season.

… That includes Trey Burton as a Wildcat quarterback. Burton rushed for 110 yards and two touchdowns on 17 carries last year in a 34-31 overtime win over Georgia.

“The biggest difference is when a lot of that Wildcat stuff gets in there,” Richt said. “You’ve got to be aware which quarterback is in the game. You’ve got to be aware if there’s a back in the backfield and what are the tendencies for each guy. That’s really all you can do. It’s kind of a pain in the rear, but that’s kind of where we’re at right now.”

And if Brantley can’t play?  Florida had better hope it can get Demps and Rainey untracked.

… The skill position players have provided little help. Chris Rainey, UF’s biggest playmaker, has 238 all-purpose yards with no touchdowns and four fumbles, including one he lost, in the streak. By contrast, he had five TDs and 681 all-purpose yards in Florida’s wins. RB Jeff Demps sprained his ankle vs. Alabama and has been limited.

Now you know why there’s no line on the game yet.

Monday morning buffet

What shall we nibble on this morning?

• Football scholarships.  Sort of like the weather – lots of talk, but nobody does anything about them.
• “We are Nittany Lions.  And we’re mounting everyone.”  Gawd, I hope that becomes a football slogan at Penn State.
• The ASU Arizona streaker has been charged with Criminal Impersonation, a felony.  Some people have no sense of humor.
• With a little horsetrading, CBS has moved the Alabama-LSU game to prime time.  That’s good news for Georgia fans who were planning on attending the New Mexico State game.
• Les Miles “would never say no to Michigan” and other weird happenings surrounding the RichRod hire are the subjects of a new book.
• There’s nothing like coming back from a tough road win like getting into a situation with police that leads to them using stun guns on you.
• Congrats to Case Keenum.
• Will Muschamp is the first person in the history of the Georgia-Florida series to play for one team and coach for the other.
• You think Dillon Baxter will name Junior as the godfather of his new child?

Dawg stat watch, Week 8

All three of the contenders in the East enjoyed a bye week, which means that Georgia remains in contention to win the play against the best team in the country sweepstakes, so the stat watch lives on.

Here’s where Georgia currently stacks up with the rest of the SEC:

1. Hold opponents under 17 points per game.  Georgia’s defense is yielding 20.4 ppg.
2. Finish at least +8 in turnover margin.  Georgia’s turnover margin is +5.
3. Average better than 380 yards per game on offense.  Georgia’s offense is averaging 411.1 ypg.
4. Finish in the top five in total defensive yardage.  Georgia’s defense ranks third in total yardage.
5. Finish in the top three in first downs.  Georgia is tied for third in first downs.
6. Finish no worse than third in passing yardage.  Georgia is third in passing yardage.
7. Finish no worse than third in sacks.  Georgia is tied for third in sacks.

In other words, situation unchanged, which makes sense.  On to Jacksonville.

SEC Power Poll, Week 8

So what did we learn this week? The same damned thing we learn every week – that LSU and Alabama are head and shoulders above the rest of the conference. If anything, the gap between those two and everyone else is growing.

1. LSU (8-0, 5-0).  The Auburn game was the football equivalent of a scratch golfer giving a duffer fifteen strokes and then wiping the guy off the course.
2. Alabama (8-0, 5-0).  First half ties are so overrated.
3. Arkansas (6-1, 2-1).  We probably shouldn’t make too much out of the Hogs struggling with Ole Miss… on the second thought, yeah, we should.
4. Georgia (5-2, 4-1).  The essence of a default pick:  the Dawgs have all their players back and they haven’t lost to Auburn, so here they are.
5. South Carolina (6-1, 4-1).  Relax, guys.  Georgia’s in Jacksonville this week.
6. Auburn (5-3, 3-2).  Auburn’s been outscored by 38 in conference play now.  The Tigers don’t have a dependable quarterback and the good ship USS Ted Roof is leaking like a sieve.
7. Florida (4-3, 2-3).  How y’all liking your October so far, Gators?
8. Vanderbilt (4-3, 1-3).  Kicked Army’s ass.  Not literally, of course.
9. Mississippi State (3-4, 0-4).  Why not ninth?
10. Tennessee (3-4, 0-4).  Not only held scoreless in the second half by ‘Bama, the Vols didn’t gain a single first down.  November can’t get here soon enough for Miz Dooley’s son.
11. Ole Miss (2-5, 0-4).  Went from one good drive against Alabama to one good half against Arkansas.
12. Kentucky (3-4, 0-3).  Judging from the number of empty seats at homecoming, Wildcat Nation is ready for basketball season to start.