Zen and the art of being 0-4 in the SEC East

I don’t have a clue what this is supposed to mean.

Feel free to translate in the comments.


Filed under Because Nothing Sucks Like A Big Orange

57 responses to “Zen and the art of being 0-4 in the SEC East

  1. Mike

    He and Les have the best quotes. The difference is that Les can recruit and coach.

    • citizencrane

      Not a completely fair comparison…. Saban left LSU a cupboard full of talent and momentum whereas Dooley was brought in to right a sinking ship…

      Now you can make a good argument that Dooley wouldn’t have got the job if the ship hadn’t been sinking but do you think that Les would be in a considerably better place as a Vol in the same situation?

      • Mike

        Saban indeed left Les with a full cupboard. And Les keeps restocking it with elite talent. And even with all that talent, many people think is is a bit of a retard. But winning consistently is its own balm. I have grown to like Les.

        So you are right that maybe the comparison is unfair. Dooley needs a few more years to either prove himself or not. Much to our continued entertainement.

        • HobnailedBoots

          He won’t get “a few more years.” Dooley was a placeholder hire. I don’t know why people think they’ll stick with a guy who has never proven himself in a HC capacity, never built a program anywhere, and isn’t doing anything at UT. People say about new coaches – “give him time to get HIS players in his system…” but Dooley doesn’t have a “system.” He’s just not a very good coach.

  2. heyberto

    Is the pressure getting to Dooley? Is he losing his mind?

  3. Spence

    I know what happened: He’s been watching a lot of Jersey Shore, and was misquoted. He’s actually referring to the “Smush Room” which is where the cast members of Jersey Shore go to have sex with people they pick up at the club or eachother. It is a very small room.

    This media and their “gotcha moments.” Sigh.

  4. aristoggle

    Maybe he was doin’ ‘shrooms …

  5. Joe

    He’s on them is all I can think?

  6. Joe

    He’s not a poet and we all know it!

  7. Irwin Fletcher

    I think he got that off a Laffy Taffy wrapper.

  8. …and my law degree from the University of Georgia just became that much less valuable….

  9. Can't Get Right

    There is no i in team, but there is one in win.
    You can’t spell sweat without eat
    The ball ain’t heavy, but it ain’t round neither
    Corch told me that real men cry

  10. The problem, as so often, is one of sequencing. As Tony Montana counseled Phil Jackson:

    “In America, first you get the players. Then you get the rings. And then (and only then) you cultivate the Zen master persona.”

    Also, he needs better writers. The mushroom thing is more Highlights/Boys Life than a proper stupid Skymall corporate motivational poster.

  11. fetch

    Confusious say “Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok, and man who walks though Knoxville after a Kiffen is going to Bumfuck.”

  12. ScooBoo

    Ask Barbara.

  13. stoopnagle


  14. Derek

    Comversion: we are lower than cow shit. We are what grows on cow shit. We have a long way to go to be worth a shit.

  15. Psilocybin is a hell of a drug.

  16. Ty Webb

    A flute with no holes is not a flute, and a doughnut with no holes is a Danish.

    • Judge Smails

      How about a Fresca?

      • You’re a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

        • License to kill gators by the government of the United States. Dawgs, free to kill gators at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case our enemy is a reptile. And a reptile will never quit – ever. They’re like the Viet Cong – Gator Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that’s all she wrote.

    • Carl Spackler

      This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.

      • Carl Spackler

        So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.

  17. Go Dawgs!

    “What’s the hardest out you can get? Shutout, which we were in the second half the last two weeks. What’s the best out you can get? Buyout. And I’ve got a huge one just waiting for the signature on the check. Seriously. I’m ready when you are, Vols.”

  18. Derek

    You can’t have success without “suck” first.

  19. AndroidLloyd

    There’s a lady who won Mother of the Year in New York IN 1960’S named Louise Heath Leber. She said ‘there’s always room for improvement–it’s the biggest room in the house”.

    Dooley plagiarized her.

  20. W Cobb Dawg

    In DD’s defense, he does have to dumb things down for the ut fan base and players. You’ll recall last year he had to teach them how to shower.

  21. Cojones

    Just heard a comment on CSS sports show that Crowell had criticized Bobo’s play calling and Richt had him out of the game to give him an appreciation of the calls. If that is true, bloggers should be sensitive that young minds read and don’t understand what you refer to as sarcasm in the same way that recruits do.

    Senator , is there some way to detect interloping moles from sincere, yet insensitive UGA grads? If not, I think that all muckraking (not you Muckbeast) Bobo and Richt comments should be put in abeyance at this time of the year. We should assume that any negative low rundowns should all be taken as sarcasm in the lowest form of humor and mocked as such.

    • Mayor of Dawgtown

      He was out the whole 4th quarter and got to observe the playcalling in that quarter, too. I hope he learned how to appreciate how Bobo’s playcalling at the end almost blew the win in that game. Mock me. Go on.

  22. NRBQ

    Who’s gonna be the comment cop, Cojones? You?

    So Crowell was out a quarter because he missed the sarcasm in a blog. That the gist?

    If I hadn’t already read a hundred of your attempts to to make this a cheerleading blog, I’d think you were fuckin’ kidding.

    • Normaltown Mike

      “Who’s gonna be the comment cop, Cojones? You?”

      I have a picture in my head of Col. Jessup on the stand snarling at Maverick.

      • JG Shellnutt

        Son, we live in a world that has yardmarkers, and those yardmarkers have to be guarded by men with football pads. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Cojones? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Crowell, and you curse the Dawgs. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Crowell’s benching, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me in that coach’s box, you need me in that coach’s box. We use words like honor, code, junkyard dawgs, loyalty, GATA. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent getting at the goalline. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very offense that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a football and clipboard, and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
        -Coach / Colonel Bobo Jessup

    • Cojones

      NRBQ, if you are a Dawg fan, I can’t understand why you would diss the post, but thanks for keeping score. I hadn’t counted. You can go back to your dead tree branch now and wait for an “L”.

      • Mayor of Dawgtown

        If you’re gonna insist that he go out on a limb the least you can do is to give him a saw, Senor.

      • NRBQ

        I’m not waiting for a loss.

        I’m waiting for the end of your reign as self-appointed arbiter of what is (and isn’t) content befitting “real fans” on the internet.

  23. Bard Parker

    There is no spoon