“Hello, this is Harvey Updyke. Can I speak with Mark Schlabach?”

I mean, damn, what do you do when you get a phone call like this?

… Just ask Harvey Updyke, the infamous Alabama fan who allegedly poisoned the beloved trees at Auburn’s Toomer’s Corner after the Tigers won the 2010 national title. He made an unsolicited telephone call to this humble correspondent from a psychiatric facility in Tuscaloosa, Ala., on Sunday night.

Updyke said he has been a patient at Taylor-Hardin Secure Medical Facility, where doctors are evaluating whether he’s fit to stand trial on criminal charges for poisoning the trees. He has pleaded not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect to charges that include criminal mischief and desecrating a venerable object. Updyke’s trial was supposed to start in October, but the case has been delayed indefinitely.

So for now, Updyke will worry about Alabama’s chances of winning it all again.

“I think Alabama can run it on Georgia,” Updyke said. “The key to that game is who doesn’t make mistakes, just like a lot of them. I feel confident that Alabama can run it on them.”

Updyke said he was able to watch the Crimson Tide rout Auburn 49-0 in Saturday’s Iron Bowl on TV from his hospital room.

“I thought it was great,” Updyke said. “I got to watch it. When I was in the Auburn jail, they wouldn’t let me watch [Alabama]. I missed the LSU game and the others.”

There’s not a chance he’ll miss Saturday’s game in Atlanta.

I hope somebody’s keeping a close eye on Russ’ Kibbles ‘n Bits.

I wonder if Schlabach told Updyke he’s picking Georgia to win.


Filed under Whoa, oh, Alabama

46 responses to ““Hello, this is Harvey Updyke. Can I speak with Mark Schlabach?”

  1. BulldogBen

    I’m never going to make it through this week.


  2. Do you think Kirby Smart is smart? Auburn has to find someone with a humble intelligence level like Saint Mark.


    • stoopnagle

      Am I crazy or stupid (both)? But isn’t there something like a 0% chance that Auburn hires someone from the Saban tree and/or anyone on staff at Bama?


  3. DawgPhan

    so this is an aside, but my wife asked, and frankly I didnt know how to answer.

    Is it rude to refer to Uga as Russ now that it is official. I mean he didnt spend 2 years at evil richt doggie day care to be called Russ.

    I still think of him as Russ, but he is Uga now…is it like we can call him Russ, but everyone else has to call him the greatest mascot walking the earth?


  4. DawgPhan

    Also Mark picks the Dawgs. He is finally coming around.


  5. Beattech

    Hmm…is Schlabach risking some HIPAA violations by reporting where Updyke is, and what he’s being treated for? Being in the healthcare bidness, I’m jus sayin!

    Not that Updyke being where he is is that much of a surprise!


  6. Always Someone Else's Fault

    Georgia becoming the trendy pick. Jesse Palmer was talking up the Dawgs on the radio today, even said the Fighting Irish should be rooting for Alabama because they would be the easier team to beat.

    And Alabama’s not running or passing on Jones and Co., Harvey. Sorry.


    • Mayor of Dawgtown

      I heard some Fighting Irishman say basically the same thing on SiriusXM sports radio. They be skeered of the Dawgs’ passing attack.


  7. Cousin Eddie

    When/If (not to jinx anything) UGA wins keep an eye on the hedges, hate to have to get them re-planted when/if Havery gets out.


  8. Chuck

    I don’t know if there is a true connection, but didn’t Auburn really go in the tank after the tree episode? I am no tree killer as a rule, but still, if it really works….;)


  9. Go Dawgs!

    We’ve got guards posted around the hedges, right? This could be ol’ Harvey doing the rope-a-dope, telling us he’s in the hospital when he’s actually just getting ready to try his hand at some more tactical gardening.


  10. Chuck

    This could become a regular feature in Schlabach’s “On the Mark” column: The Nuthouse Pick.


    • Dog in Fla

      “I wonder if Schlabach told Updyke he’s picking Georgia to win?”

      In the episode following that revelation, longtime listener second time caller Harvey from the Taylor-Hardin Secure Medical Facility has a request and the next scream Mark hears will be his own


  11. fuelk2

    I love the fact that this a-hole is laid up watching Bammer games on the public’s dime. I’m sure I’d love it even more if I had a job that kept me from watching games on a regular basis.


  12. Uglydawg

    How are the trees down at Toomer’s? Have they been removed? Are they dead? I’m pretty sure they haven’t seen a lot of toilet paper this year.


  13. JayBird

    Yes, pretty much dead. Thanks bammer.