We haven’t had a reader poll in a while. Here’s an easy one: which coach has the tightest sphincter in college football right now? I’ll give you a choice of three.
- Mack Brown, who’s in full “remain calm, all is well” mode after firing his defensive coordinator two games into the season;
- Junior, who announced his latest starting quarterback decision with one of the more awkward videos you’ll see; or
- Boom, who’s elected after Florida’s embarrassing loss to Miami to keep his coaching staff and players away from the media.
Remember, there are no wrong answers here.
Feel free to explain yourselves in the comments.
Get The Picture 
I voted Mack.
It’s not Muschamp, because I think Florida will still be OK. Their offense has such little margin for error that turnovers (especially in the red zone) absolutely kill that team, but their defense is still sound enough to win 10 games. That said, this is now three years of pretty bad offense from this team and Driskel might never be the answer. Forward momentum there would be nice, but again, the defense is great.
It’s not Kiffin, because Kiffykins will somehow parlay this USC disaster into being a head NFL coach again or US Senator next year. It’s the man’s true talent.
It’s Brown, because Texas is now permanently in a 2008-2010 Georgia-esque vortex of suck, and even those Dawg teams never missed a bowl and even won 10 games in ’08. Brown seems to think that staying his own course and firing coordinators is the way to change it, but as Georgia showed, you’ve got to change the culture too. Watch Brown in his pressers. Guy’s just too old, too worn down, too comfortable sitting in his office all day to do anything.
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+1, and i’m lazy…
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Kiffin is the Obama of sports: he gets promoted over and over, without ever showing any competence in any field whatsoever.
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Though I rankle at the thought of bringing politics in here…how do you not see the GWB similarities? Living off his father’s legacy while acting like a spoiled brat. Neither would have gotten anywhere near as far without the name.
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Kiffin gone.. Texas has a horrible Big (whatever they are called now) to right the ship (though losing to Oklahoma would also be the end). Kiffin’s AD doesn’t even like him and he just lost the fan base. It’s over.
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Kiffin…. It could get so bad it happens mid-season.
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Kiffin will get fired at USC and then take over next year for Mack Brown at Texas who was “asked” to retire. He’ll hire Muschamp as his DC and “Head Coach in Waiting”
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Exxxxxcellent!
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No, no, no, no, noooo. Kiffin will announce mid-season that he is leaving to take a better opportunity–Texas. He will also state that when USC hired him the program was in a state of shambles, NCAA sanctions and whatnot, and that he “left the program better than he found it.”
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Mack at least won something at Texas. Kiffin has done nothing aside from be support staff on some good offenses that were loaded with talent. Boom still has a little while, but a loss to UGA & FSU this year will probably mean 1-2 years at the most to get it right.
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Boom could find a very hot seat if the Gators somehow lose to the Vowels in 2 weeks though. I’d say it’s still horribly unlikely unless UT is also handed 5 Gator turnovers, and the Vols get to have the fun of flying cross-country, destroyed by Oregon, and flying back.
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When the remaining few USC fans at your game are chanting “Fire Lane Kiffin,” you’ve got serious issues.
Interestingly, maybe an hour before kick-off, the pundits at the WWL claimed that if Georgia didn’t beat the Chickens that Mark Richt would be back on the hot seat. I don’t know if that would have been true or not, but I’m glad we didn’t have to find out.
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UGA would never fire a coach the season after two straight division titles. At least, not without some red panties entering the equation.
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I saw that story about the USCw fans chanting Saturday night. Wow, just wow.
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Mack has made so much money…won a national championship…he’s got nothing to be tight about anymore even if they take his job. The WWL will give him a job on the Longhorn Network or whatever and he’ll use it to pay for the gas on his yacht.
It has to be either Kiffin or Muschamp…I went with Kiffin because he seems to be the one with the least appeal to be hired after getting canned. (and because Florida might have just lost to a pretty good team)
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Mack’s an average coach but an incredible fund raiser. He has managed to surround himself with some pretty decent coordinators, and that combined with the talent available to UT is a significant component to his success.
Kiffin is basically just a fraud. How he’s survived in the coaching world this long is mind boggling. He will be gone by mid-season. Wondering if Vegas has a line on this yet?
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“He has managed to surround himself with some pretty decent coordinators, and that combined with the talent available to UT is a significant component to his success.”
Pre-2010, yes. Post-2010, nope.
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^^ THIS
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My thoughts exactly on Mack Brown….
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You must not have seen the game. Miami was terrible. UF was worse.
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If the question is “Who is the tightest?”, it’s got to be Mack. Firing a coordinator, especially this early in the season, means he’s probably in full panic. If the question is “Who should be the tightest?”, it probably should be Junior. I just wonder if he’s bright enough to realize the situation he’s in.
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Yep…that’s the whole point. Junior is too dumb and cocky to realize what’s going on.
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bingo. Junior should be, but you know he’s just grinning like an idiot
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“Junior…just wonder if he’s bright enough to realize the situation he’s in.”
Doesn’t care. He’ll just take over as head coach of the Cowboys
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I’d love for him to take over for the Cowboys and watch them dive deeper into oblivion. Jerry Jones and Junior deserve each other. Two nit wits who think they are smarter/richer than the average bear.
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Oh dear God…you are probably spot on about this. Running back to Daddy. Now I’ll really know what it must feel like to be an Auburn fan.
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I love the ‘ignorance is bliss’ angle on Kiffin. So…Brown is settled and soft; Kiffin is too stupid…maybe the easy answer is Muschamp simply because he seems to be in a constant state of sphincter tightening?
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I also took the question as “who IS the tightest?” And to me, Kiffin is just too arrogant to be tight about anything. He was born on 3rd base and thinks he hit a triple, so he doesn’t know how to be tight. Mack Brown has been at it long enough that he could get fired and his family should be fine for four generations. But Boom, well he was born the tightest. He has blood vessels bursting over letting a punt get behind a return man, so imagine how he must be on a day to day basis.
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Not only does he have day to day IED, he’s got his very own DSM-5 theme song
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/intermittent-explosive-disorder/DS00730
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I voted Kiffin, but not because he’s the most likely to lose his job. They’re all pretty close to getting the axe, relatively speaking, but getting fired is not the worst thing that could happen to the other guys.
Boom has a little more time & hope because the Seat 37F crowd has thoroughly convinced the Gatah faithful that Meyer left them in terrible shape. Really, though, even if he does get the boot, someone at a decent program will hire him. He won’t be on his couch for long.
Brown can turn the season around and save his skin for one more year, but even if he doesn’t, he won’t be “fired,” they’ll politely “ask” him to “retire” at which point he’ll be done with coaching. He is 62, right?
Now, Kiffin…Kiffin is in a tight spot. If he gets dropped (especially mid-season) from a program of USC’s caliber & prestige after 3 years of mediocrity, who is going to hire him? No serious FBS program should give him a second look after what he did to Tennessee (while there and on the way out). His career is a string of promotions apparently based on his name. That can’t go on forever.
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Whatdayamean it can’t go on forever?
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I voted for Boom, and my thinking is that Mack Brown is too old to tighten up his sphincter and Kiffikins is too much of an arrogant prick to care.
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LMAO…that’s hilarious Mean…Best laugh I’ve had this week.
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Slight tangent: If Georgia’s able to get the W in Jacksonville this year, someone needs to go ahead and register KEEPWILLMUSCHAMP.COM.
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Oh that would be delicious wouldn’t it?
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Just trying to remember, isn’t Manny Diaz the guy that many fans were clamoring for before Grantham was hired?
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Diaz was actually pretty good at MTSU and Miss. State. I really don’t know what happened to him at Texas, though perusing Shaggybevo and Barking Carnival and the like leads me to the assumption that the place was just toxic for him- the players Mack & Co. recruited were overrated, their S&C program is lousy, and there was a lot of infighting. (The DB coach in particular was apparently calling his own stuff.)
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He’s a hell’ava tennis coach but apparently knows squat about football defenses.
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touche’
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Sometimes coaches are just better made to coach a group of overachievers versus a group of 4 and 5 stars. I don’t think he forgot how to coach, it looks more like to me he doesn’t know how to manage a group of “stars”. He will get another job at a smaller school and probably over achieve with them again.
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+1. Somebody will hire Manny and he will do well. Eventually he will be HC somewhere–but not in the State of Texas.
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Yes. I think Mark Bradley was beating his drum. Or maybe that was Ellis Johnson…or both.
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I voted Mack because that will be one less senior fired elsewhere. Plus he’s slightly overpaid. Big Game Bob makes note to self not to drop 60+ on Mack to keep him around longer. Brent thinks Everything Is Shady about this entire anatomy of a sphincter procedure
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Kiffin for me. I live in Los Angeles and fans are beside themselves. Mostly because they feel duped. They genuinely believed that he had never succeeded anywhere else because he was only perfect for THEM. The fact that they stole him from an SEC school also fed the delusion.
There’s an article on ESPN’s insider (pay) USC blog, wearesc.com, that quotes recruits in attendance at the WSU debacle. One of them couldn’t fathom why Kiffin ran the bubble screen so much. All of them agreed that the Fire Kiffin chants were disconcerting at best. He’s eyeball deep in it now.
One more thing I’ve noticed, on LA sports talk, when they discuss the slide that began midseason last year, no one from callers to hosts can bring themselves to admit who they lost to in the Sun Bowl. They dare not speak of GTU. It’s always, “The Oregon game was terrible, Arizona was awful. We lost to UCLA! And the bowl game in El Paso.”
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Is it because they blame the sombrero or because they think Georgia Tech is like Cal Tech?
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Turns out USC was “the bigger fish to fry” that Paul Johnson was talking about. Since we call him “Fish Fry”, maybe we need to start calling Junior “Fried Fish”.
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Gotta go with Mack Brown.
Boom has a plan and knows he’s got a little rope to execute.
Kiffin is always in denial. It’s all part of the plan….always. What, me worry?
Brown is the only one that has to scramble to create a plan and has very little time to do it with. He’s already in reactionary mode trying stay afloat.
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What is Boom’s plan? I think his sphincter is so tight because he has had 3 years of lousy offenses and has no clue what to do to fix it.
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I am not saying he’s effective in fixing it, but he knows the problem(s) and where he needs to be. He inherited a track team and has tried to instill a more physical offense while still finding a way to work with what he has.
It worked out pretty well last year all things considered…that is until the Louisville game.
The offensive side of the ball has been the killer. Bad coaching by the coordinators, bad play by the players, and bad schemes.
The other part of the plan is to build a dominate, physical defense. Boom has spent most of his time there and is showing progress.
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Kiffin. 2-6 in his last 8 games. 2-6? At USC?
L at Arizona, 39-36
L Oregon, 62-51
W Arizona State, 38-17
L at UCLA, 38-28
L Notre Dame, 22-13
L Georgia Tech, 21-7
W at Hawaii, 30-13
L Washington State, 10-7
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The situation isn’t important. Boom has the tightest sphincter by a long shot:
Now if you had asked who is the closest to getting fired, Muschamp would be a distance third to Junior and Mack, respectively.
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tone burst, no modulation
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I love how Boom is straining so hard he can barely open his mouth enough to let sounds get. Pressure makes diamonds, indeed….classic stuff.
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Melt down thread is pretty good this week: http://www.rollbamaroll.com/2013/9/10/4706838/meltdown-time-longhorns-mack-brown-gators-driskel-kiffin
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That really tied the room together
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Might be the funniest thing I have read in years. Of course it is mostly funny since I get to read the anguish of the Gatuh faithful.
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“Driskel threw his helmet down in anger but it was intercepted.”
That is some of the funniest shit I’ve read in years. Thanks for the link.
+100
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That made me laugh until tears came out of my eyes. Sweet crocodile tears.
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That’s hysterical!
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I’m going with D. Urban Myer. Chris Fowler got in his head and he is still wondering which coach is going to punch him during the post-game handshake.
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Kiffin. He’s done nothing but move the program backwards from where it was. Mack Brown has some goodwill, but I don’t have a sense of how mich. but he’s still done something worthwhile at Texas. Boom gets at least another year. He has to find a QB though.
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I’m with Mean Machine. Boom all the way because I get the sense that he actually cares about such things.
Mack = too old to care. He’s had his career.
Kiffin = too arrogant to care and has never had to deal with repercussions of anything he’s ever done. He probably thinks it’ll alllllll work out. After all, he’s The Laner
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Muschamp is coming off a year that surpassed expectations and 3 years after the Urban debacle is too soon. Brown won a natty and played for another as recently as 2009. Kiffin OTOH has never won anything in 3 different head jobs, plus he stirs trouble even in the little things. I wonder what he thinks about the publicity today….any publicity is good, right? Hahahahaha
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I didn’t think the Kiffin YouTube interview was “awkward.” I do think making announcements like that on the internet is not the right way to do it, however.
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I think the ‘awkward’ part is that a top-notch film school like USC should have produced a better scripted ‘press conference’ with sound effect applause
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I think Boom is the tightest just because he’s wired that way. However I think Kiffin is the first one out. Mack may “resign” this off season. Boom has another year at least.
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If I could buy a fourth and fifth choice, it would be coordinators Eddie Gran and Art Kaufman after Cincinnati’s 45-17 upset loss to Illinois.
You know Tuberville is not going to take the blame for that one!
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interesting thought–what if mack brown retires or is forced out this year and texas comes calling to muschamp their former “head coach in waiting”….
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You raise an interesting point jryuuu. Maybe Muschamp is still Texas’ “Head Coach in Waiting.” Maybe his current gig at FU is just him getting OJT as HC at FU’s expense-making his mistakes as a baby HC at the Gators’ expense, then running back to Austin.
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Nice.
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Kiffy-fur.
Cuz deep down, in places he doesn’t talk about at Malibu cocktail parties, he knows he’s a fraud.
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Kiffin. He has an AD who knew the moment he took the job that he would hiring a replacement for Kiffin someday, preferably later rather than sooner. Sooner is not that big a deal.
Mack, on the other hand, has an AD in his final 24 months who wants no part of running a coaching search for Texas Football as a lame duck. Not if he has a brain.
Boom laid enough anti-Urban groundwork (roster holes, culture issues) that he’s going to get at least 2 more years to figure out the offense.
The interesting part becomes whether or not Texas/USC lock in the same name or set of names as a potential replacement. If so, then you might see one of them using another bad loss as an excuse to go interim down the stretch and get a jump on negotiations.
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Clever poll construction, by the way. Kudos.
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Somebody’s got to give Petrino a job. I think it will be USC.
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Good prediction. The sad thing is that CBP would be a step up in character for them too.
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I was thinking Gundy should be on the list. He’s never been the most relaxed type of guy to begin with, of course
http://ftrsports.com/mike-gundy-fires-carpenter-for-wearing-sooner-shirt/
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Does anyone know why Max Browne was taken out of the QB race at USC?. Surely, he is better than the other two.
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I read the question as who is the tightest with regard to job security. Based on that, I voted for Mack Brown. As others have stated, Kiffin is too arrogant and moronic to be extremely tight-sphinctered and I suspect that the writing has been on the wall for him but that Haden is keeping him around to ride out the NCAA sanctions. USC may or may not have a losing record this year but he is gone either way because a Rhodes Scholar is too sharp to put up with his shit for a day longer than necessary.
Boom is always tight and only got a little tighter because of that loss. But, Florida will win a lot of games this year and still have a shot at the SEC East based solely on defense. He wins for tightest sphincter on a daily basis, but his job is safe for now.
Mack is like a goldfish flopping around on the outside of the fishbowl with 5 or 6 house cats walking his way. That he fired Diaz the day after is evidence that he understands his predicament. But, I think he also knows that things are going to get worse because they don’t know how to beat the better teams coming up on their schedule and that will spell the end. And he definitely doesn’t want it to end on this kind of note, but he can’t do anything to avoid it now. It is now a question of whether he survives to end of the regular season. I think he will simply because Texas will want to look like a class organization. We shall see.
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Kiffin, Kiffin & Kiffin. He’s not only the HC, but he’s the OC too. He was too high on himself to consider hiring a real OC during the off season. At least he’d of had a scapegoat if/when things went bad.
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I voted for Kiffin because I think that since Pat Haden didn’t hire him, he’s likely to fire him and put his guy (whoever that may be) in play.
Off topic a bit … I was watching the SVP show on the WWL yesterday and Scott asked a great question … What happens to the college football coaching domino effect if the USC and the Texas job opens up at the same time? Chaos for sure. Would Nicky ever leave Bama for a bigger paycheck and/or another challenge to rebuild? If so, who’s on Bama’s list then? And so on. It’s already looking to be a very interesting off-season and we are only 2 weeks into this year!
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Muschamp won 11 games last year. He just had UGA’s 05 season (minus a second half comeback in a bowl game they were disappointed to be at). He has the most time. Mack and Lance are equally effed. Except this is Mack’s last dance. Lance will get a top OC job next year and be back in as HC in 3 years at UCLA after Mora is fired
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I don’t get all the votes for Kiffin. The man’s too stupid and lucky beyond all reckoning to worry about any damned thing.
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