Evidently this is a real thing.
Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston was issued a citation Tuesday for shoplifting crab legs from Publix, a misdemeanor arrest, according to multiple sources. Winston, the reigning Heisman Trophy winner, is a red-shirt sophomore for the Seminoles.
I’d hate to be the guy at Publix who turned him in.
You can commence with the snark now.
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UPDATE: A message from Florida’s Commissioner of Agriculture (UF grad, too).
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UPDATE #2: Tomahawk Nation now reports it’s a punishment two-fer.
1:38 Update: Jimbo Fisher and Mike Martin have issued statements on Winston being suspended from baseball until he finishes his community service.
“I fully support Coach Martin’s decision and will also make sure that Jameis meets all obligations, which I know he will.” — Jimbo Fisher
“I am confident he will complete his community service obligation and the situation will be resolved soon.” — Baseball coach Mike Martin
Does that mean no football suspension needed? Hmm…
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UPDATE #3: This wins the Internets.
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UPDATE #4: Oops. Sorry!
https://twitter.com/PaulMyerberg/status/461567197115330561
Smart, Publix. No need for a Tallahassee boycott.
Get The Picture 
“Free SHELLFISH Univ” is the obvious response ….
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… though “Felonious Sex Univ” may fit given the particular player’s alleged infractions.
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Crab legs are great bait for a rape party.
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Citation? Pffffffft.
Don’t try to pull this shit in Athens.
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Cue Spurdog in 3…2…1
“What, no butter?”
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Herbstreit is on this, right?
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+++++1111111
Great point, and this is a multiple-issue type thing ya know…
Not that I’d know if he’s on it or not..cuz my Herbie boycott is still in effect.
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What kind of crab legs? If it was stone crab 2 lbs would qualify for felony arrest.
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With the Update from the Commissioner; yeah, them was stone crabs.
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How come every time he gets in trouble, it involves a way to get crabs?
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No charges! Willie Meigs was shunduped again into turning him loose. The investigation will end after next year’s NC. It is anticipated that Jameis will lawyer up at that time; meanwhile the NCAA initiates a three-accusation limit to cfb players that will take effect in Feb, 2016. An appeal petition has begun among TPD officers who are “sick of the media and griping bitches who upset our workday.”.
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Free Crabs University
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And the initials are pronounced….?
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There you go again ruining my comment with facts
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It’s a gift.
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snark is right. This has blown up. Watts Dantzler paraphrased the post nc game speech and made it about crabs in a tweet. Gold. A picture of Faomous Jameous holding up crab legs instead of the nc trophy is floating around too. So good.
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Here’s a pretty good list of the various photoshopped pics floating around. Funny.
http://www.lostlettermen.com/article/twitter-mocks-jameis-winston-shoplifting-crab-legs
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I #%&*ing love the internet.
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And really–can we give a giant hat tip to the Fox Theatre for working their photoshopped pic into a plug for their Little Mermaid run? They have earned additional business from me today.
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That stuff is so funny!
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Twitter having a field day with this. Just a small sampling:
“Jamies Winston has really gone in the tank”
“Jameis is going to walk on these charges. Sideways, but he’ll walk”
“Publix Loss Prevention crew being consulted by ACC defensive coordinators on how to stop Winston”
“Really wonder about Jameis’ decision making. This entire episode was high-bisque, low reward”
“Yeah, but Tebow woulda fed the multitudes with just one package of crab legs”
And on and on and on, plus all the photoshopped pictures.
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I saw “The national championship is up for crabs now.”
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“Hopefully Winston won’t be a given a ‘show claws’ penalty by the NCAA”
“Jameis fought the claw, and the claw won”
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That’s punny.
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Headline: Winston gets pinched
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Loucheiz Purifoy thinks this pinch was funny and Shabazz thinks Jameis was hungry
http://www.gainesville.com/article/20140426/OPINION01/140429768/1076/opinion?Title=Editorial-Different-rules
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After seeing that Winston has been suspended .. .from baseball no less …. I propose we learn from this opportunity. We should identify the most likely players to get into trouble post-season (especially spring break) and put them on the baseball team roster. Then the suspensions can be assigned to their baseball play. Full football season for everyone!
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Mark Richt has lost control of Publix.
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and the panhandle
ItlnStln::
“I can’t believe Winston have to steal something, anything, to eat from a store in Tallahassee. You’d figure he could just panhandle.”
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…With my thumbs on my cartridge belt and a straw in my lips, the latest news: “Sherf’s on it.”
Except they haven’t “finished processing it.” By the time the story of the crab grabbing him randomly as a passerby in a last-ditch effort to survive is discounted by someone who reminds them that stone crabs are thrown back into the sea after harvesting, the report will be stopped to observe it’s “Tallahassee languishing time” .
Oh, and the petition from TPD has been forwarded to the Sherf’s Office.
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From Free Shoes U to Free Seafood U inside 10 yrs.”, the hottest new sports story of the summer. FSU now waiting for Amnesian Fall Practice to begin.
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Great program for petty theft. Retailers in Tallahassee will see goods walk out of stores in droves. Take $800 dollars of clothes from Dillards and do a few hours in community service. Tax free. Good deal for a Jamieson Winston but for a retail vendor. Would dare say the boy has done this several times. Not his first. LCSO said they got to him quickly at his “residence”. Said he meant to pay but forgot. I’d believe that if he forgets to show up for his community service hours [like that is some badge of honor, character, and class]. Here is my take if I’m Publix, bring us our $32.72, and “you are banned for life time shopping in any Publix store”. FSU, undergraduate prep for Red Lobster, no doubt JW sees seafood differently than most…he thinks he is privileged and does not have to pay what hard working tax paying folks do.
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The cell phone pics are off the chart in south georgia, north florida, gainesville, and florida panhandle today. Almost as much as the rain that has fallen. FSU’s Mike Martin and Jimbo Fisher have to be taking this hard. Poor Old Mike, well that is all he needs…Fisher right out of the gate gets a NC and Poor Old Mike after decades of coaching has not bought the highly and oft overranked Noles a CWS yet. Clock is burning on him, but JW brought in some laughts. Team dinner menu from here out is fried mullet from the Gulf…all courtesy of JW. His Heisman pose in front of Public with crab legs rather than a trophy are great!
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Publix. Where shoplifting is a pleasure.
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He will end up like Hernandez if they don’t stop enabling him.
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“Free Shoes University, right?….I think that overall we’re doing a majority of these athletes a disservice by promoting them as some kind of demigods, allowing them to think that they are making a significant impact in the world because of their physical prowess. The realistic part of me understands that they are helping to fund an industry: They help employ contractors to build stadiums, guards to secure it, vendors to sell hot dogs, IT companies to manage ticket sales, so on and so forth. But football is technically not a degree.”
http://deadspin.com/i-was-shot-and-raped-by-an-fsu-player-i-still-cheer-fo-1563858521
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That was certainly a sad story and good reminder.
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FSU compensates with free shoes, women, food, etc.
They will never be SEC-ready until their boosters go to straight cash.
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Thank God nobody paid for them for him. He would’ve been ineligible by the NCAA.
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Did he spread the crab legs and try to have sex with the crab, after first dousing it with alcohol and/or drugs?
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