I hope this gets assigned to a male judge.

Fellas, I ask you:  who among us has not been there, done that?

Texas A&M sophomore receiver Kirk Merritt has pleaded not guilty to two charges of indecent exposure from last fall.

Merritt has requested a delay of arraignment, which was originally scheduled for earlier this week at the Brazos County Courthouse.

In one count, an alleged victim accused Merritt of exposing and touching himself “while sitting in arm’s reach” of her “on or about” Oct. 24. About a day later according to a court document, another alleged victim claimed Merritt pulled down his shorts and held himself also “while sitting in arm’s reach” of her. The document describes both alleged victims as “offended or alarmed by the act of exposure.”

Both of the victims were tutors at A&M in the Bright Football Complex, two people with knowledge of the case said. Merritt’s attorney Rick Davis responded to the Chronicle on Friday afternoon citing a “bad case of jock itch” as Merritt’s defense.

“Kirk Merritt has been charged with Indecent Exposure under Section 21.08 of the Texas Penal Code because of two incidents during tutoring sessions that happened on two consecutive days,” Davis wrote. “While Kirk is very embarrassed about this situation, and has apologized to the two tutors that he offended, he did not intend to gratify anyone by exposing himself.

“The fact is that Kirk had a bad case of jock itch. The statute Kirk has been accused of violating requires that the Defendant have an intent to arouse or gratify the sexual desire of any person and that the Defendant is reckless about whether another may be present who will be offended or alarmed by his conduct.

“We think that Kirk’s conduct falls squarely under the Disorderly Conduct statute … That statute requires only that a Defendant is reckless about whether another may be present who will be offended or alarmed by his act.”

Scratch as scratch can, I tells ‘ya.

Too bad this kid’s an amateur, because he’s a medicine commercial waiting to happen.

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13 Comments

Filed under Crime and Punishment, The Body Is A Temple

13 responses to “I hope this gets assigned to a male judge.

  1. Good grief … I’m assuming this guy is not going to be applying for a Rhodes Scholarship when he completes his eligibility at TAMU.

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  2. Wait a damn minute, he had to pull his dick out in order to scratch it? I’ve heard some bull shit from lawyers before but this takes the cake. On a more serious note, this guy has some real issues and needs help before he commits a real crime.

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    • JG Shellnutt

      True story.

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      • Spike

        This is so much bullshit from his lawyer. You have jock itch so you pull your Johnson out while they are sitting right next to you? Put him and the lawyer in the same jail cell.

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        • Macallanlover

          I agree, attorneys should be bound by not wasting the court’s time with silliness and stupidity. Of course, neither the lawyer, nor court operational costs, are being paid by Merritt. Nor would incarceration, or parole officers, it is all a gift of the taxpayers. Such BS as this and repeated appeal costs is just another contributing factor to $19 TT+ of debt. We are such a stupid! And the beat goes on in every county in the country daily. Giving the attorney time is a really great idea.

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          • Gurkha Dawg

            Nice reference to Masters history. Extra points for who said ” I am such a stupid “.

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            • Faultering Memory

              Roberto De Vicenzo, an Argentinian. The actual quote is “what a stupid I am.” I remember it because my roommate repeated it daily, once or many times.

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              • Gurkha Dawg

                Yea, he signed an incorrect scorecard which cost him a spot in the playoff.

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              • Macallanlover

                De Vincenzo said that, I believe Mickelson followed that up with “I am such a stupid”. But Roberto gets full credit for his self deprecating comment in the face of a horrible circumstance, he has always been honorable in accepting the blame. I can tell you though, I have spoken to Tommy Aaron about this, no one feels worse about it than Aaron does. Crazy to make a competitor be responsible for math and details immediately after such a big moment when the whole world knew what his score was. Classy on Roberto’s part, bad on professional golf when they have a scorer with every group and, in this case, a world wide audience watching the score as it occurs.

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  3. 81Dog

    Kid will get acquitted. De minimis non curat lex. Boom. You’re welcome.

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  4. Cojones

    I’d send him the curative that my roommate took on my urging, but don’t have his address. After he dumped the athlete’s foot medication on his jock itch (on my recommendation), his eyes teared up and he swore at me as he held his burning crotch. Lewis, a gentleman from W.Va., tried to get his hands on me for several days before he cooled off (literally). Burned the top layer of skin right off and it healed nicely. The look on his face with those tears of thanks when he first dumped it on will be with me forever whilst noting that his cure was reward enough.

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  5. Uglydawg

    Jock Itch is a bitch..had a trainer in HS that had the overnight cure..if he caught you scratching he would examine for JI..if you had it, he would ladle on a huge dose of Desinex Ointment (on which the label clearly warned that it was not for use on the hairy portions of the body) with a wooden trowel. Within 30 seconds or so, you would be almost literally on fire, much to the delight of the trainer and all your team mates. We once had a kid run a lap in his birthday suit in an effort to deal with the pain. (The coaches couldn’t quit laughing long enough to reel him in..luckily it was summer camp and the campus was deserted).
    There was no washing it off..it only made it worse.The only cure was time..maybe an hour…until the pain let up at all. The good thing was that it worked..the next day it would be re-applied and there would be no pain at all. The bad thing was that guys would go to almost any length to hide the fact that the had the itich. If you suspected someone had it, you couldn’t wait to tell the trainer so everyone could enjoy the show! Once, when I was trying to hide the fact that I was a carrier, some of my friends got into my locker and put Desinex on my jockstrap. Most painful practice ever that day.
    But I don’t recall anyone ever pulling their tool in the library out of desperation. a

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  6. This man, K Merritt, is a sexual pervert / aggressive predator. He committed a crime. I hope the punishment is severe.

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