Siri, what is the opposite of front running?

Once upon a time, Florida had such a great coach.

“Enjoy this, Georgia,” I wrote. “Savor this second consecutive victory over the Florida Gators. Relish your clear superiority over your rivals during Saturday’s 36-17 victory in the World’s Largest Outdoor Talent Discrepancy Party. Every Dog has its day. But your Dog days aren’t going to last as long as you once thought. In less than a season, new Gator coach Dan Mullen has at least put some chomp back in this rivalry after taking over a doomed, done-for, dysfunctional program that completely quit on former coach Jim McElwain during last year’s 42-7 loss to the Bulldogs.

“Cherish the 19-point victory, Georgia. Embrace it. Appreciate it. With Dan the Man in charge, you’re not going to be Dogging the Gators like this for very much longer.”

That was then.  Now, Mike Bianchi has a bone to pick with Dan Mullen.

So much for those of us who thought Mullen’s offensive imagination would come up with a game plan to at least keep the game close on Saturday against Georgia’s dominant, dynamic defense. Instead, Mullen’s Gators got a bad case of rope burn in the World’s Largest Outdoor Tug of War Party on the banks of the St. Johns River.

“The rope is slipping right now in this rope pull,” Mullen admitted about his program. “As the rope slips, you can either drop it or grab tight, hold on, dig in your heels and start pulling in the other direction. Dropping the rope doesn’t fix anything. What fixes it is grasping the rope, holding on and squeezing as it’s burning. … We’re not where we want to be, and it’s s on me to get it fixed.”

This performance was embarrassing and exasperating for Florida fans, who watched the Gators get out-played, out-coached and out-talented by the No. 1-ranked Georgia Bulldogs, whose fierce defense turned UF’s previous sensational backup quarterback Anthony Richardson into the confused, discombobulated freshman quarterback that he truly is.

He’s trying to keep the torch burning…

I still believe Mullen is one of the top coaches in the game, but as the great Bill Parcells once said, “You are what your record says you are.”

Pesky things, those records.

62 Comments

Filed under Gators, Gators..., Media Punditry/Foibles

62 responses to “Siri, what is the opposite of front running?

  1. Can we officially dub the next 5 days ‘Gator tears week’? Because I can get on board with that.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. iusedtopostasmikecooley

    What a great time to be a Georgia fan. Kirby’s post game comments about recruiting is bound to be stinging the gator fans who actually believed their own nonsense about how Mullen does more with less.

    Liked by 10 people

    • artistformerlyknownasbman

      Their comment board at Swamp 247 is killing Mullen over Kirby’s recruiting comments. People are posting things like “why can’t we have a coach like that?” We’ve officially reached the “lamentations of their women” stage of the relationship.

      Liked by 6 people

      • dawg100

        It is crazy there. The Disney gators are out in force, and the realists are absolutely pummeling them.

        I’d think the mockers were UGA fans, but they are not.

        We are very quiet right now. Too much fun in watching them self-immolate.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. insert Homer Simpson wearing T-shirt saying “Dan Mullen: America’s Best College Football Coach” backing into shrubbery meme here

    Liked by 8 people

    • Also, for what it’s worth, Swamp247 — which I read the past couple of weeks for my daily fix of humor — is starting to put Glenn Schumann’s name out there as a possible DC candidate to fix things in Gainesville.

      Like

      • Ran A

        This was one of my bigger laughs – they ain’t happening…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ricky McDurden

        Except Schu can only do so much with an ineffectual recruiting HC and a program that won’t spend top dollar on assistants, support staff, and recruiting. I’d wager he becomes our full-time DC next year or jumps over to Bama to replace Golding; Florida isn’t worthy.

        Like

      • theorginaldawgabides

        I’ve also seen his name mentioned in various Bama and FSU forums. I think if Lanning doesn’t take a head coaching job this year, someone will pay big for Schumann to be their DC. And speaking of Lannng, if he does leave for a head coaching position, he will most likely want to take Schumann with him. So Kirby will have to make a decision on whether he wants to keep Schumann, or make Muschamp the DC. Ideally, Will would be ok just being a position coach for at least another year.

        Like

        • Texas Dawg

          First world problems. With the success UGA is having comes the raiding of your coaching staff. It’s been happening at Bama for years and they seem to overcome it the majority of the time. No reason we can’t as well. Kirby seems to have as good and eye for coaching talent as he does for on the field talent. I don’t want to lose either one of them, but sooner or later, the little birds have to leave the nest. Monken is going to be an interesting situation. He has been a HC before. Does he aspire to that again, or is he happy in his position with Kirby feeding him 5 star talent to play with every year. With those QBs stacked up, that has to be an OC’s dream. Doubtful he will have that level of talent anywhere he would go as a HC.

          Liked by 3 people

        • Tony BarnFart

          Maybe, I still (hope) your coordinators have to have become household names in the drive-by sports media before they get a job offer that would be worth leaving Georgia for……… maybe my wishful thinking. I think we gotta get a title under our belt before we get truly raided by an offeror they can’t refuse. I don’t think either of them leave for a HC job that could leave your ass on the chopping block in 3 years.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Schu came with Kirby. If Lanning leaves, Schumann gets a big promotion. Regardless, the man is going to get paid.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Biggen

    That tug-of-war analogy was cringey as only Dan the Clown can describe. The Athletic has a similar article up by Feldman and Taylor that is along the similar lines as this Bianchi piece. It’s really a telling sign of how fast the Gators are slipping into obscurity.

    I have kid here in my next statement, but I do wish Kirby hadn’t “let the cat out of the bag” as far as his recruiting diatribe during his post-game presser. I mean, we as UGA fans know Dan can’t recruit. Gator Nation knows Dan can’t recruit. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E knows Dan can’t recruit Except Dan. Up until that presser anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. stoopnagle

    It took Kirby 4 years to put Dan Mullen in the Jim McElwain box.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Orlando’s village idiot haz a sad. The Hogtown Handbags are at their normal 4-loss level under Dopey/Goofy. His 2017 transitive property national champions are no longer the top Group of 5 program.

    It’s too bad the full article is behind the paywall because I would relish the full dose of Gator tears this morning.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. rigger92

    Thumb wrestle, tug of war, what’s next? Rock Paper Scissors? Three legged race? This ain’t field day, lol.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Robert (Jeff)rey Wolford

    John Gruden, Ed Oregon, and Gary Patterson are available as the next HBC. They can probably recruit better than Dan Mullen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ericstrattonrushchairmandamngladtomeetyou

      Don’t badmouth Gary Patterson. He actually is a good HC. Just having a bad season. The others……

      Liked by 2 people

      • Texas Dawg

        What should be of some concern is if Dopey Dan somehow gets Patterson to take the DC job. Unlike Grantham, the man can coach a defense.

        Like

        • Russ

          Unless Patterson is tired of the HC grind, I don’t see why he would take just a DC job. He’s a good, proven HC that just got stale in his current situation. Given food resources, he could be a good HC for another school.

          But yeah, the man knows defense for sure.

          Like

          • iusedtopostasmikecooley

            I don’t know why Patterson would leave his current situation for the headache of the entitled asshats in Gainesville. Patterson is a straight shooter who does not take shit from people. He ain’t the kind of guy the bull gators want. Gruden? Come on, seriously? That ain’t happening.

            Like

  9. gastr1

    You mean this loss wasn’t actually a win, like the 2019 WLOCP, or the Bama & Kentucky games this year?

    Liked by 4 people

    • originaluglydawg

      It was a win in the sense that they didn’t get shut out. Evren if the score was 99 to 3 it would count as a Moral Victory.
      And where are all the “FTMF” suffixes to posts here?
      Come on Dawg Fans…kick them while their down
      FTMF.

      Liked by 4 people

    • theotherdoug

      Florida had more total yards than the Georgia. That’s a W for Mullen.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Texas Dawg

        It’s hard to gain a lot of yards when you’re starting inside the opponents 30 on a regular basis (or score on D and don’t have to gain a single yard to do it).

        Liked by 1 person

      • RangerRuss

        The Dawgs D scored as many points as the gaytards O. Does that even things up?

        Liked by 1 person

        • gastr1

          Opponents: 5 tds & 4 fgs; Dawgs D: 3 tds & a safety. Opponents’ offenses have so far a net point total of +23…or +2.875 ppg. Maybe these last four opponents will enable the defense to overtake the opponents’ offenses in ppg, eh?

          Like

  10. Florida fans/writers are latching on the talent difference, which does exist.

    But they’re ignoring that Mullen’s scheme has worked against Kirby exactly one time, when he had starters out on all 3 levels of the defense and when the offense couldn’t put together a drive long enough to fix the bleeding.

    The 2nd quarter of the 2020 game is the only time you can say that Mullen really schemed up Kirby.

    This year, regardless of talent, they had absolutely nothing. Kirby and Lanning were ready for everything, and that’s what they don’t want to admit.

    Liked by 9 people

  11. Hogbody Spradlin

    It’s also nice to watch Dan Mullen be a good old fashioned sore loser. Has about as much grace in defeat as Corch.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. ugafidelis

    I thought it WAS a pretty close game sans those two plus minutes.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. W Cobb Dawg

    Pft, Bianchi will be back in Mullen’s kiss ass fan club in 3…2…1…

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Spell Dawg

    Having that gator scoring streak snapped on Saturday would have been a delightful cherry on top the win; the second time in 5 years Kirby almost blanked them. I was pissed when they found the endzone, but then I thought about it and got happy for two reasons: 1.) how pathetically sad gator fans must feel (again) that the streak was in danger, and 2.) you know Kirby is going to use that as extra motivation internally and externally every year in Jax.

    He’s gonna take that cherry from them…just thinking about the day that happens makes me happy.

    Liked by 8 people

    • Spell, that’s it…when the narrative shifts from we’re FU and we’re superior to Jawja (not to, oh shit we’re about to lose) but it shifts to oh fuck we’re about to get totally embarrassed on a generational level…that’s when you know you broke them.

      And that is a feeling we should enjoy relishing…this team is amazing and I’m proud to be a Georgia Bulldawg!

      Liked by 4 people

    • Harold Miller

      One of the best things a saw all day was the Handbag fans bolting at halftime. I swear the west side was 2/3 empty at the start of the 3rd.

      Liked by 5 people

  15. ericstrattonrushchairmandamngladtomeetyou

    The Gators’ fate was sealed when Mullen sent in Nauta…er….Richardson to play QB in that game. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Bulldawg Bill

    Ok! Here goes…F…T…M…FFFFFF!!!!
    Thanks! I needed that!

    Like

  17. Tony BarnFart

    From Swamp 247:
    ” I garauntee that Kirby was recruiting in the locker room after they barebacked us with no vasoline. Making calls to our decomits and j Singletery a 5* right in our back yard from Jacksonville. All the while Dan is looking stupid and confused still talking about last years win and saying they don’t think much about recruiting. Nice job Scott Strickland. “

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Comin' Down The Track

    Dear Mullen and Bianchi,
    “It’s good to shut up sometimes.” – Marcel Marceau
    Sincerely,
    Everyone

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Corch Irvin Meyers, Former Jags Corch (2021)

    Mike Bianchi is another typical douchebag Floriduh graduate. It effects them all. Matt Hayes also suffers from the same affliction.

    No, only Andy Staples, former ‘turd o-line walk-on (he says tackling dummy) and national CFB writer extraordinaire, seems to have been able to escape the innate douchey-ness that every single graduate of that God-foresaken swamp people school exhibit.

    Like

  20. 69Dawg

    I just want to thank Kirby for a peaceful 75th year down here in Central Florida. The fans are broken and mad, a can’t be beat combo.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. practicaldawg

    Dan got the world’s largest outdoor rope burn on Saturday

    Liked by 3 people

  22. archiecreek

    Y’all remember the ditch lizard fan base last year saying UGA was a house of cards?
    Ain’t no damn ditch lizard saying THAT now!!!
    Our house has a rebar foundation with solid recruiting and solid coaching.
    The ditch lizards have a…
    DITCH!!
    It’s
    GREAT
    to be a
    Georgia BullDAWG!!
    (and kick muLLLLen in the nuts)

    Like