Just another Manic Monday

Honestly, imagine waking up and finding this in your Twitter feed.

I have so many questions.

51 Comments

Filed under General Idiocy, Texas Is Just Better Than You Are.

51 responses to “Just another Manic Monday

  1. Everyday, someone will be center of attention on Twitter.

    You never, ever, ever want that someone to be you.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. akascuba

    Everything’s bigger in Texas including bad life choices.

    Liked by 6 people

  3. Solid hire there, Sark!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. RangerRuss

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you never hire men who live with strippers and monkeys.

    Liked by 15 people

    • rigger92

      Haha, I was going to say “as much as I always wanted to get with a stripper, it’s probably a good thing that I never did”.

      Like

      • theorginaldawgabides

        Hooked up with one a few times back in the day. Totally worth it. Good times. Life’s too short to turn down an opportunity like that.

        Liked by 1 person

        • My Dawg…I used to chastise a good friend of mine who regularly bedded girls from the Cypress Lounge (we called it the Syphilis Lounge)…I’d always tell him not to go downtown because it would be the equivalent of licking someone’s soles who had “grocery store feet”…that nasty humanoid did it anyway…to be young and stupid again, glory days

          Like

    • “Yeah, I dated a stripper once, and if Montel Williams wants to talk shit, he can go fuck himself because those charges were dropped!”—Kenny Powers and TX Special Teams coaches apparently.

      Liked by 4 people

    • W

      Bet Banks had a pretty good run there for a minute tho! Sure could do worse than a fling with a stripper/stripper monkey.

      Like

    • And I thought I was the only one who goes apeshit over Halloween candy.

      Liked by 4 people

  5. David D

    Most days I want to exit the Twitter life forever. The, there are days when you realize you cannot live without it.

    Like

  6. legatedawg

    Yeeesh. I certainly hope the poor kid was given a tetanus shot or whatever the standard of care is these days. 101 years ago, the King of Greece was bitten by his pet monkey and died from it, setting off a chain of events that led to war between Greece and Turkey. Disastrous defeat for the Greeks was the result. for the Greeks.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. fisheriesdawg

    Texas played at Baylor at noon on Saturday. I kind of doubt he was home when this happened. They wouldn’t have even been leaving Waco until around 5 or later.

    Like

  8. Granthams Replacement

    Apparently Sark used Lane Kiffin’s method of evaluating how well a coach can recruit when hiring Jeff Banks. Pulling a stripper puts a coach at the top of Joey Freshwater’s list.

    Like

  9. Derek

    But for the dearth of career opportunities for Ms. Assassin in State College, PA, is there any doubt that Banks would be the Assistant Head Coach at Penn State right now?

    Liked by 2 people

  10. hertyfield

    This sounds like a Carl Hiassen book. Does that make McConaughey the eccentric, sugar baron pulling the strings behind the scenes.

    Liked by 4 people

  11. I’ve seen the Longhorns’ run defense, and they need to try out that monkey at linebacker ASAP.

    Liked by 9 people

  12. Do you really have more questions? It mean its a pretty straightforward case of pole dancer monkey lockjaw. All pretty standard fare for twitter these days.

    Liked by 4 people

  13. Ran A

    Pole Dancer? Feels like a OSU opportunity to me. The monkey should be put down. (And please don’t start on they shouldn’t have had the Monkey. Agree – but the Monkey attacked a child – now should be a dead monkey). Oh, the and he should be fired.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. “Touch my monkey!” “Oops….bad monkey.”

    Liked by 1 person

  15. The Truth

    Jeff, I hope PA was worth the (literal) ride because there’s an Austin, TX family that’s about to have all of your and hers money.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Scotty King

    I guess he’ll have to “spank the monkey”.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Texas Dawg

    Once again the old adage that truth is stranger then fiction is proven correct. You’d be hard pressed to make something up that’s as bizarre as this whole story is.

    Liked by 4 people

  18. Corch Irvin Meyers, Former Jags Corch (2021)

    When you have a stripper girlfriend in your 20’s, it’s awesome and you’re awesome.

    When you leave your wife and four kids to have a stripper girlfriend in your 40’s, the red flags become infinite.

    How the hell could Sark let a guy with this many red flags into his program???

    And how could anyone anywhere else actually think this guy with this many red flags could be a candidate for their head coaching job? Yes, it’s true, many Wazzu fans actually were thinking this prior to this thing happening.

    Like

  19. siskey

    Are Trick or Treaters invitees and is a monkey an inherently dangerous animal in Texas? It is a good thing this guy is rich.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Whiskey Dawg

    The monkey has entered the transfer portal and will play on defense for Florida. Who says Dan can’t recruit. Top that Kirby!

    Liked by 3 people

  21. stoopnagle

    Texas is ba… messed up.

    Like

  22. originaluglydawg

    Monkeys can be a problem.
    There are a couple of sea-stories I’ll be kind enough to not share.

    Like

  23. Texas Dawg

    Monkey and a stripper. Sounds kind of like an old Richard Pryor routine he did about an over sexed monkey that would get out of it’s cage and had no self control (this is the G rated description)

    Liked by 1 person

  24. The Truth

    I have a friend who had the classic commentary on this episode: “This is too crazy for Tarantino to have ever thought about putting in one of his movies.”

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Dawg19

    Bob Bowlsby to Texas this morning…

    Like

  26. Morris Day

    I’m just happy it wasn’t his pet Monken.

    Like

  27. unionjackgin

    You should clarify that this is not just a basic stripper monkey, this is an EMOTIONAL SUPPORT STRIPPER MONKEY!

    EMOTIONAL SUPPORT STRIPPER MONKEY is my new band name! I just called it.

    Liked by 2 people

  28. Maybe Sarkisian passed the bottle to the Monkey.

    Like