TFW you’ve never heard of the First Rule of Holes

You know, most coaches would have enough Gawd-given sense not to pretend a close win over a vastly inferior opponent was something other than what it was.  The “we’ve got to play better than that” coachspeak writes itself, you’d think.

But you’re not Dan Mullen.

Can you imagine Kirby Smart saying something similar after the 2016 Nicholls game?


Filed under Blowing Smoke, Gators, Gators...

42 responses to “TFW you’ve never heard of the First Rule of Holes

  1. Given the fact I still haven’t gotten over that game, I would have wanted Kirby tarred and feathered in front of the Arch if he had come up with some BS like that.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. W Cobb Dawg

    Mullen’s way of telling his boss they need to schedule easier patsies.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. practicaldawg

    Mullen talks like a guy that knows his buyout can neither go up or down

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Russ

    Mullen is obviously trying to get fired/get the buy out now. That’s the only explanation that makes any sense.

    Liked by 10 people

  5. spur21

    It’s kind of chilly for wake boarding so I have no idea WTF the clown is up to.

    Liked by 6 people

  6. Russ

    Asked in an earlier thread, but if Florida claims a moral victory over Bama, do they also claim the moral defeat against Samford?

    Liked by 9 people

    • godawgs1701

      No, I’m sure he’s counting this on 2022’s record since they’re out of title contention now. This game was as meaningless as getting boat raced by OU last year.

      Liked by 3 people

  7. godawgs1701

    This reminds me of the episode of The Office where there’s a budget surplus at the end of the year and the staff is debating how to spend it and they’re hoping Michael doesn’t know that he gets a bonus if he comes in under budget. Then once he decides not the spend the money they’re like, “oh crap, you found out, didn’t you?”

    Mullen has apparently figured out that he can be paid a metric ton of money to not work for the next couple of years and I think he’s figured out just how much dumb Halloween masks, wakeboarding, and celebrating meaningless accomplishments with dance parties that could buy him. And I feel just like the Dunder Mifflin staff because I really need him to keep trying to keep his job because I love him as head coach of the Florida Gators.

    Liked by 4 people

    • kokainmothershed

      All this makes me want to show up somewhere near UF’s campus in full UGA attire spinning a giant “Keep Mullen” sign for all passing cars to see.

      Liked by 5 people

  8. D.N. Nation

    Turnover luck is turnover luck, but what struck me about that Nicholls game was this team of randos just BULLYING our OL. It was obvious Kirby had a loooong road ahead molding the team into his vision. (Thankfully it was only one year.)

    Samford destroyed Florida’s defense because the Gators are soft, not really talented, and poorly coached on that side of the ball. That’s Mullen’s climb to make, if can stop dancing like a moron and get to work.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Kirby did make some stupid comment at one point in 2016 about being there to help guys grow up not win championships or something like that. Everyone was like “if that’s what we wanted, we wouldn’t have fired your predecessor”


  10. biggusrickus

    I suspect he’s right that it would be hard to find Samford-level throws and catches in the NFL.

    Liked by 7 people

  11. Dylan Dreyer's Booty

    MuLLLLLen knows exactly what he is doing. He is angling for a buyout so he can go and spend more time on the lake.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. miltondawg

    Kind of surprised that Mullen hasn’t thrown Christian Robinson under the bus yet.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. uga97

    Well then, Stetson was Tom Brady in Jax, is that right Mullet?

    Liked by 2 people

  14. RangerRuss

    And you want to be my latex salesman…

    Liked by 2 people

  15. DawgFlan

    Thanks for reminding me, Senator. After that 2016 game, I had a Gator friend text me asking if I could make change for a dollar – in Nichols. Time for text congratulating him for his victory over the Bulldogs – of Samford – and for the many records they were able to break in the process.

    Liked by 4 people

    • D as in Dawg

      Hold nothing back, my friend, when hammering a Gator fan. They deserve every minute of it. Of course, kind of hard to find around here these days. Not even seeing the “win or lose I still love my Gators” posts lately.


    • Please let us know how that text went. A little gator tears for my coffee makes for a good morning.

      Liked by 1 person

      • DawgFlan

        DawgFlan (on group text chain): “Congratulations on UF’s mighty comeback and historic victory over the Bulldogs* and for the many records shattered along the way.”
        * Samford

        [several minutes delay whiles others in the group chat post laughing, cringing GIFs]

        UF Fan: New phone. Who dis?

        DawgFlan: The same guy you asked about making change for a dollar in Nichols back in 2016.

        UF Fan: Yeah, I know. I also know we suck this year but thanks for the reminder.


  16. D as in Dawg

    The only thing dumber than Mullen today is Mullen tomorrow. He needs help. What’s Jamie Spears doing these days??

    Liked by 3 people

  17. mp

    I thank he’s trying to get fired at this point.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. amurraycuh

    Samford has been lighting up scoreboards all year. Those dudes throw a lot. The fact that they were doing this to TMFs is hilarious.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. “He firmly believes that the Gators faced a strong team.” Word? I wish someone would’ve asked him how he thought Georgia would’ve done against the same Samford squad.


  20. ogeecheedawg

    Ronald Ollie, Nicholls State defensive lineman, was a star in the first season of Last Chance U. He pushed our offensive line around pretty good in 2016. Embarrassing.


  21. Ozam

    The 2016 Nicholls game was a harbinger for that year.

    The close call I remember most is 2003 versus UAB. We went to the SEC championship game that year but barely squeaked by the Blazers. If my memory serves me correctly they had the ball at midfield with a chance to win or tie at the end of the game.


  22. The buck stops… somewhere else.


  23. Castleberry

    So, I went back and watched Samford / Florida compressed highlights last night. What a gleeful pleasure. Samford was balling out, but c’mon man. Couldn’t help but wonder what was going through Cox’s head when he came up with a clutch sack in the 4th quarter…