Category Archives: Bert… uh… Bret Bielema

“Bert, you just won a big conference game, what are you going to do next?”

Talk about the mother of all Freudian slips.


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Bert goes to acting school.

This is called working the refs.

And it worked!  Much to the outrage of Roll Tahd World, I’m sure.

SEC refs get suckered into all kinds of dumb calls.  Hard to see how this is any different, other than the manner of sale.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, SEC Football

This one’s got Lexicon potential.

Gawd, this is good.

When you call out the defending national champion and No. 1 team in the country for a weak schedule, then turn around and lose to a three-touchdown underdog from the MAC three days later, yeah, people are going to notice. And unfortunately for Bret Bielema, that means people outside the world of college football too.

People like, say, Rex Ryan. Via 247Sports, the Buffalo Bills coach was asked Wednesday about the challenge of facing the Super Bowl champion Patriots twice a season (thanks to both playing in the AFC East) and had this to say:

“Do I wish the Patriots were in a different division? I mean yeah, probably. Could play somebody else. Not gonna mention any names. I’m not gonna pull [an] Arkansas coach.”

“Pulling a Bert” has a nice ring to it, no?


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“Probably doesn’t need to be said in here how much I hate Auburn.”

Tell us how you really feel, Bert.

(And a h/t and some further background, in case you need it.)


Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands, Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

Bert’s gonna Bert.

Good to see the juices are flowing early in Destin.

I guess if he’d been around in the early nineties, he would have been puffing his chest about about the six-game schedule.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, SEC Football

Bret, being Bert

Never one to let an opportunity pass, Bielema takes the Borland retirement announcement as a moment to renew his argument against letting HUNH offenses run amuck.

“We have to protect student athletes to extremes we never thought of before,” Bielema told Sporting News on Tuesday. “I just read a study that said players in the no-huddle, hurry-up offense play the equivalent of five more games than those that don’t. That’s an incredible number. Our awareness as a whole has to increase.”

An argument to which Barrett Sallee provides the perfect rebuttal.

If Bielema is so concerned with the number of games, plays and how they relate to player safety, then why did he say this inside the radio/Internet room at SEC media days in Hoover, Alabama in 2014?

If the four-team playoff is a “good starting point,” then those two extra games—and potentially more extra games in an expanded playoff structure—are safety hazards, right?

Bielema can’t have his cake and eat it too.

Oh, sure he can.  Because Bert.


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In loco parentis

An Arkansas player is charged with DWI and Bert takes away his driving privileges.

Maybe next time, he’ll be grounded, too.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Crime and Punishment