Category Archives: Bert… uh… Bret Bielema

“Probably doesn’t need to be said in here how much I hate Auburn.”

Tell us how you really feel, Bert.

(And a h/t and some further background, in case you need it.)

16 Comments

Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands, Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

Bert’s gonna Bert.

Good to see the juices are flowing early in Destin.

I guess if he’d been around in the early nineties, he would have been puffing his chest about about the six-game schedule.

35 Comments

Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, SEC Football

Bret, being Bert

Never one to let an opportunity pass, Bielema takes the Borland retirement announcement as a moment to renew his argument against letting HUNH offenses run amuck.

“We have to protect student athletes to extremes we never thought of before,” Bielema told Sporting News on Tuesday. “I just read a study that said players in the no-huddle, hurry-up offense play the equivalent of five more games than those that don’t. That’s an incredible number. Our awareness as a whole has to increase.”

An argument to which Barrett Sallee provides the perfect rebuttal.

If Bielema is so concerned with the number of games, plays and how they relate to player safety, then why did he say this inside the radio/Internet room at SEC media days in Hoover, Alabama in 2014?

If the four-team playoff is a “good starting point,” then those two extra games—and potentially more extra games in an expanded playoff structure—are safety hazards, right?

Bielema can’t have his cake and eat it too.

Oh, sure he can.  Because Bert.

9 Comments

Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

In loco parentis

An Arkansas player is charged with DWI and Bert takes away his driving privileges.

Maybe next time, he’ll be grounded, too.

15 Comments

Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Crime and Punishment

Can’t lose what you never had.

Bert wants the world to know he’s not really interested in signing high maintenance kids… you know, the ones that are really good.

“I want guys that leave campus and know this is what they want to be a part of. I want guys that maybe come back two or three times and say, ‘This is where I’m going.’ If they have to pick a hat, release the balloons and cut the cake on Signing Day, I probably don’t have time for them. Not to say that’s always the case, but it’s the direction I’ve leaned during my head coaching career.”

Uh huh.  Like you’ve had the choice, brah.

One day, he and Paul Johnson ought to team up and host a recruiting show.  That would be amusing.

21 Comments

Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Blowing Smoke

Bert: there will be blood.

For a guy who pushed the NCAA to adopt a substitution rule ostensibly over safety concerns, Bret Bielema has no problem reaching for a colorful analogy (h/t IveyLeaguer).

Bielema said Monday his defense, which was carved up by Auburn in the opener last Saturday, needs to take on a boxer’s mentality.

“When you’re a boxer and you see someone bleed, you want to go after that cut eye,” Bielema said. “I always used to tell players, when you see a guy bleeding — and he doesn’t necessarily need to have blood coming out of him — but if he’s holding his knee or he’s holding his wrist, or he’s bent over, or he’s holding his leg or he’s working his ankle out, go after that baby.

“When I was a wrestler and you’ve got a brace on, I’m going after your (expletive), you know? That’s the mentality I think that we have to establish.”

Just remember that hurry up offenses are even worse for your health.

14 Comments

Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

Wednesday morning buffet

Buffet away.

22 Comments

Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Big 12 Football, Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin, ESPN Is The Devil, Fall and Rise of Bobby Petrino, Georgia Football, Nick Saban Rules, Phil Steele Makes My Eyes Water, SEC Football, Stats Geek!