Category Archives: Bert… uh… Bret Bielema

Today, in who cares

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  the one unalloyed success of the CFP is to make moments like this one completely irrelevant.

That Bert’s embarrassed is a nice bonus, though.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, The Coaches Poll Is Stupid.

Has Steve Shaw cut a deal with Bert?

Bielema sure seems to be under that impression.

Bret Bielema received an unsportsmanlike penalty after a flipout during Arkansas’ loss to Alabama, but Bielema said this week he’ll never have to see the official again.

Late in the second quarter, an Arkansas touchdown was called back due to a hold on a tackle. Bielema said umpire Stan Weihe should only watch between the guards. After a field goal, Bielema went way out of the field, yelling at multiple officials, drawing the flag.

“For a lot of reasons, we’re probably better off moving forward (not talking about it). I can be rest assured we’ll never see that official again. That’s been guaranteed to me,” Bielema said.

Details, please, SEC Office.  And I hope somebody keeps an eye on the crews chosen to work Arkansas games for a while.

If it turns out to be true, I want a retroactive deal on Penn Wagers.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, SEC Football

“I kind of stuck my tongue out, wiggled my nose and I felt good about it.”

Six months later, Bert’s ass is still chapped about losing Sam Pittman to Georgia.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

Bert, magnanimous

Shorter Bret Bielema:  of all the former assistant coaches who have worked for me, Jim Chaney and Sam Pittman are certainly two of them.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

Bert goes big.

“Global opportunities”, eh?  On the surface that sounds like some Steve Patterson to Dubai-quality rebranding, but dig a little deeper“Primarily he is looking at Bahamas and perhaps locations in Europe.” –  and it’s more like he wants to work on his tan and get Mrs. Bert a shot at some quality shopping time.

If you’ve got a recruiting budget, flaunt it, baby.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

Six degrees of Bert

It turns out that the idea of aggressively pursuing satellite camping didn’t spring unbidden from the mind of Jim Harbaugh like some sort of college football Athena.  Nah, there was a lot of begettin’ before he got started.

No one voting on the ban apparently thought of the potential consequences for recruits if Group of Five coaches weren’t allowed to work Power 5 camps—something both groups want—so it would not be the least bit shocking if the ban gets tossed. The leagues that want a ban would then be asked to go back and write a more carefully worded rule.

If that happens, the coaches who were planning satellite camps will probably reinstate those plans. That includes Arkansas coach Bret Bielema, who planned to have coaches work camps at Florida International, Rutgers and a few other schools. The Razorbacks also had preliminary plans to hold a camp at Cowboys Stadium. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is an Arkansas alumnus. “I was shocked by [the ruling] the other day,” Bielema told Jack Arute and me Friday on SiriusXM’s College Sports Nation. “We were ready to rock ‘n’ roll. I was kind of in favor of them.”

Bielema also provided a little backstory for how the satellite camp issue has evolved. If you’ve been reading this space, you already know the first Power 5 staff to think of teaming with a lower-level school in a recruit-rich state was Oklahoma State’s, which partnered with Division III power Mary Hardin-Baylor to work camps in Texas. It was Bielema who took brochures from those camps to the SEC’s spring meetings in Destin, Fla., a few years ago to let conference coaches know about the practice. (Given Arkansas’s location, Bielema’s intent was likely to convince the SEC to change its rule so Razorbacks coaches could fan out.) At the time, James Franklin was the coach at Vanderbilt. The next year, he had moved to Penn State. Franklin’s Nittany Lions staff began working camps in Georgia and Florida. When Jim Harbaugh arrived at Michigan, he saw what the Penn State coaches were doing and decided to build on it.

And here we are.



Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Recruiting, SEC Football, The NCAA

Don’t cry for me, Fayetteville.

Eh, forget about hauling his offensive linemen over to Sam Pittman’s house to try to convince Pittman not to leave for Athens.  Bert’s in a better place now.

… it’s well-known that coach Bret Bielema was not happy when offensive line coach Sam Pittman decided to bolt and join Kirby Smart at Georgia in December. Bielema was so upset that he took a number of his offensive lineman over to Pittman’s house in an effort to get him to stay.

But now Bielema is singing the praises of Kurt Anderson, his new offensive line coach, who has spent the past three seasons with the Buffalo Bills. In fact, Bielema told me that he expects even better things from his offensive line under Anderson.

Within the quote, you’ll see a little dig at Pittman.

“I really went hard after Kurt,” Bielema said. “I felt our offensive line underperformed in some big games. We need to take a step up when it comes to technique. You hire NFL guys who can help you take guys from their weaknesses to their strength.

“We want them to play well against all levels of competition.”

Mmmmmmm, those sour grapes are mighty tasty.


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The best laid plans of mice and Bert

Curses, foiled again!

Nah, that makes no sense to me, either.  But I give him credit for asking.


UPDATE:  The NCAA explains why it’s on the mother.

“There won’t be any coaches here,” said Chris Howard, NCAA director of enforcement for football development.

Whether Bielema and Dantonio were serious or not, their tweets Wednesday prompted Howard to contact and remind them this is a quiet period in recruiting, when coaches are not allowed to visit a prospect’s school. So no opposing coaches are allowed at IMG Academy, home to many FBS draft prospects and the site of Michigan’s weeklong spring practice session.

The NCAA allows practice at a high school facility as long as the school pays rent to use it. Elizabeth Heinrich, Michigan senior associate athletic director for compliance, said the school worked through the NCAA to provide the expenses for practice.

So as long as you pay the high school, it’s okay to be there – but if you’re there for free, it’s not.

If you think that sounds like it comes straight out of the “when is a bagel a snack and when is it a meal?” rulebook, you’re not alone.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Recruiting, The NCAA

Go, Bert, go.

He may be a dick, but in this case, that’s probably a plus.

Needless to say, you shouldn’t make promises you don’t intend to keep, but if he indeed shows up, that would be freaking awesome.


UPDATE:  Somebody wants to join the party.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

Meet the SEC’s Mr. Popularity.

Bert’s gonna Bert, people.

This year’s SEC Media Days are shaping up to be a real hoot.


UPDATE:  In the flesh…


UPDATE #2:  And now we enter “Bert, you’re fulla shit” territory.



Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Recruiting, SEC Football