Category Archives: Bert… uh… Bret Bielema

Hell hath no fury like a Bert scorned.

Bert’s not taking rejection well.

Bielema addressed the media Saturday about Pittman’s departure.

“There’s news coming out of here. Sam Pittman’s going to leave us. Sam’s had a great three years with us. A lot of positive things,” Bielema said. “But when somebody’s got something in their mind they want to do, it doesn’t really matter what the situation is. It’s something they decide upon and we wish Sam the best in his new decision and everything moving forward.”

Bielema, who was addressing the media so his coordinators and coaches wouldn’t have to, said he first got word from Pittman on Friday that another coach may be calling.

“It’s something that Sam and I talked about yesterday. He notified me at noon that I might get a call from a coach. I got a call. The talks continued and obviously last night I had a conversation with him and he informed me he was gonna leave and that’s where it’s at,” Bielema said.

The Arkansas offensive line is the biggest in all of football — college or pro. The veteran line was featured on this year’s football media guide and paved the way for a running game that eclipsed the 200-yard rushing plateau in six of eight SEC games this season. Running back Alex Collins rushed for 1,000 yards this season — joining former Razorback Darren McFadden and Georgia great Herschel Walker as the only running backs in SEC mark to reach 1,000 in each of their first three seasons.

“The one thing I’ve created during my time at Wisconsin, and especially here, is the notoriety of the offensive line,” Bielema said. “This is a prestigious program to have an offensive line coach. I began to hear from people as early as 3 a.m. this morning and I’m pretty sure my phone’s blowing up right now.”

Bielema wouldn’t compare his transition from Wisconsin to Arkansas the same as Pittman moving from the SEC West to the SEC East.

“One of the things I wanted to learn in my transition, and I can’t sit here and throw stones and act like it hasn’t happened. I left the University of Wisconsin. I left a different conference, a different region to take on an opportunity I wanted to take on,” Bielema said. “This one took place within the conference and I just wanted Sam to address the linemen as to why this is happening. I felt like the last thing he needed to do. He didn’t want to do that so I just took them to him.”

Bielema said the meeting was emotional, but that’s not uncommon for young men in college football.

“When you deal with 19-, 20- and 21-year-old kids, they’re going to be emotional. Some were mad, some were sad, and then sad then mad. It’s a part of the job no one wants to talk about. And Sam, the way he recruits and the way that he handles people, this matter had been very personal,” Bielema said.

“He made a business decision, and he kept repeating to me that’s what it was, and obviously that’s his choice and his choice only.”

Ah, yes, the ol’ bidness decision.  How could Pittman bite the hand that fed him?  Bert made Sam Pittman, by Gawd.  No, really.

Bielema said Pittman is a much sharper offensive line coach because he spent time at Arkansas, making him a hotter commodity than when he first came to The Hill.

“Sam’s great, I’ve enjoyed my time with him, but you know I’ve helped his career quite a bit,” Bielema said. “He wasn’t really a resound offensive line guru until we got things rolling here.”

Really?  Okay, then.  Thanks, Bert.


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“Bert, you just won a big conference game, what are you going to do next?”

Talk about the mother of all Freudian slips.


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Bert goes to acting school.

This is called working the refs.

And it worked!  Much to the outrage of Roll Tahd World, I’m sure.

SEC refs get suckered into all kinds of dumb calls.  Hard to see how this is any different, other than the manner of sale.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, SEC Football

This one’s got Lexicon potential.

Gawd, this is good.

When you call out the defending national champion and No. 1 team in the country for a weak schedule, then turn around and lose to a three-touchdown underdog from the MAC three days later, yeah, people are going to notice. And unfortunately for Bret Bielema, that means people outside the world of college football too.

People like, say, Rex Ryan. Via 247Sports, the Buffalo Bills coach was asked Wednesday about the challenge of facing the Super Bowl champion Patriots twice a season (thanks to both playing in the AFC East) and had this to say:

“Do I wish the Patriots were in a different division? I mean yeah, probably. Could play somebody else. Not gonna mention any names. I’m not gonna pull [an] Arkansas coach.”

“Pulling a Bert” has a nice ring to it, no?


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“Probably doesn’t need to be said in here how much I hate Auburn.”

Tell us how you really feel, Bert.

(And a h/t and some further background, in case you need it.)


Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands, Bert... uh... Bret Bielema

Bert’s gonna Bert.

Good to see the juices are flowing early in Destin.

I guess if he’d been around in the early nineties, he would have been puffing his chest about about the six-game schedule.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, SEC Football

Bret, being Bert

Never one to let an opportunity pass, Bielema takes the Borland retirement announcement as a moment to renew his argument against letting HUNH offenses run amuck.

“We have to protect student athletes to extremes we never thought of before,” Bielema told Sporting News on Tuesday. “I just read a study that said players in the no-huddle, hurry-up offense play the equivalent of five more games than those that don’t. That’s an incredible number. Our awareness as a whole has to increase.”

An argument to which Barrett Sallee provides the perfect rebuttal.

If Bielema is so concerned with the number of games, plays and how they relate to player safety, then why did he say this inside the radio/Internet room at SEC media days in Hoover, Alabama in 2014?

If the four-team playoff is a “good starting point,” then those two extra games—and potentially more extra games in an expanded playoff structure—are safety hazards, right?

Bielema can’t have his cake and eat it too.

Oh, sure he can.  Because Bert.


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In loco parentis

An Arkansas player is charged with DWI and Bert takes away his driving privileges.

Maybe next time, he’ll be grounded, too.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Crime and Punishment

Can’t lose what you never had.

Bert wants the world to know he’s not really interested in signing high maintenance kids… you know, the ones that are really good.

“I want guys that leave campus and know this is what they want to be a part of. I want guys that maybe come back two or three times and say, ‘This is where I’m going.’ If they have to pick a hat, release the balloons and cut the cake on Signing Day, I probably don’t have time for them. Not to say that’s always the case, but it’s the direction I’ve leaned during my head coaching career.”

Uh huh.  Like you’ve had the choice, brah.

One day, he and Paul Johnson ought to team up and host a recruiting show.  That would be amusing.


Filed under Bert... uh... Bret Bielema, Blowing Smoke

Bert: there will be blood.

For a guy who pushed the NCAA to adopt a substitution rule ostensibly over safety concerns, Bret Bielema has no problem reaching for a colorful analogy (h/t IveyLeaguer).

Bielema said Monday his defense, which was carved up by Auburn in the opener last Saturday, needs to take on a boxer’s mentality.

“When you’re a boxer and you see someone bleed, you want to go after that cut eye,” Bielema said. “I always used to tell players, when you see a guy bleeding — and he doesn’t necessarily need to have blood coming out of him — but if he’s holding his knee or he’s holding his wrist, or he’s bent over, or he’s holding his leg or he’s working his ankle out, go after that baby.

“When I was a wrestler and you’ve got a brace on, I’m going after your (expletive), you know? That’s the mentality I think that we have to establish.”

Just remember that hurry up offenses are even worse for your health.


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