Category Archives: Don’t Mess With Lane Kiffin

Monte Kiffin’s sense of humor

Yeah, he said this about Junior:

“I can tell you for sure he’s not thinking about the next head job…”

I don’t care who you root for, that’s some funny stuff there.


Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin

Lovin’ the Laner

I know this is one of those seemingly endless things ESPN does to fill bandwidth during a long offseason, but, damn, Alex Scarborough, do you really have to write a tongue bath like this?

Lane Kiffin magic: He loses a Heisman Trophy finalist at receiver, a two-year starter at running back and a record-breaking QB, but does anyone doubt that Lane Kiffin will make it work? He still has a veteran center in Ryan Kelly, a mammoth running back in Derrick Henry, and a promising group of receivers, headlined by ArDarius Stewart and Robert Foster. With O.J. Howard at tight end and Mr. Everything Kenyan Drake back at running back/receiver, Kiffin will have plenty of weapons to play with. And when it comes to who starts at quarterback, just trust that it will work out, whether it’s Jake Coker, David Cornwell or another candidate. If Kiffin could turn former scout team QB/wide receiver Blake Sims into a record-setter then he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

One could argue it was Amari Cooper, not Junior, who turned Blake Sims into a record-setter, but setting that aside, when did Kiffin’s offensive magic become a no-brainer?  It sure wasn’t there in his waning days at Southern Cal, which managed to coincide with a dwindling talent base due to the NCAA sanctions.  And even directing an Alabama offense that wasn’t talent starved, it’s not as if the Tide generated a performance on that side of the ball commensurate with all those vaunted recruiting classes:  sixteenth in scoring offense and eighteenth in total offense are certainly well above-average, but how many of the offenses that finished more prolifically than did Junior’s outdo Alabama in talent?

Last season, Amari Cooper wasn’t promising.  He was the best wideout in college football and he’s gone.  Coker, who couldn’t beat out Sims for the starting QB job last year despite being anointed as a Heisman finalist by much of the media in the preseason, is neck and neck in a fight for the starting job again, so what does that say about who will direct Kiffin’s attack?

It’s not like I’m counting on Alabama’s offense disappearing this season.  There’s way too much talent there for that to happen.  But pardon me if I wait to see how Albert Einstein… er, Lane Kiffin does directing traffic in 2015.  If ‘Bama kicks ass, then maybe we can start talking about giving the Laner the benefit of the doubt.


Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin, Media Punditry/Foibles

This could be the beginning of a bee-yoo-tee-full friendship.

Or it could just make you want to fwow up.


Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin, PAWWWLLL!!!

The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back

The document dump in the Todd McNair defamation suit against the NCAA has generated the shitstorm anyone who’s watched the NCAA desperately try to prevent the information from being released in public predicted was coming.  There’s plenty of damning information…

•Also in a memo, Uphoff went to great lengths to compare the Bush case to the Oklahoma City bombing trial. Uphoff was attempting to show how witnesses’ credibility could be attacked by challenging the weight given to hearsay.

“This evidence in this [Bush] case is, for example, [is] markedly stronger than in the OKC bombing case which was built entirely on circumstantial evidence,” Uphoff wrote. “In fact, there was no direct evidence that [Terry] Nichols was ever involved in the bombing plot.”

•Howard added in correspondence to committee members: “McNair should have all inferences negatively inferred against him … we need not say why we disbelieve him, we only need to let the public, or whomever, know that we do disbelieve him.”

Lawyers for McNair argued in their lawsuit that the lengthy messages by Uphoff and Howard were intentionally sent to voting infraction committee members in violation of the NCAA’s procedures to influence them in their decision. Howard had just joined the infractions committee but was supposed to only be observing the USC case. Neither had voting rights to decide the case.

•Infractions committee member Eleanor Myers admitted to a “botched interview” in which investigators got the year of a key phone call wrong between McNair and former agent wanna-be Lloyd Lake. That contention had been a key part of McNair’s appeal to the NCAA, which was rejected.

… but the funniest stuff has to be the bridge too far – Junior.

The emails, among nearly 500 pages of documents filed in the case Tuesday that were obtained by the Los Angeles Times (, include members of the NCAA infractions committee deriding the school for hiring back as its head coach former assistant Lane Kiffin, who had been an offensive coordinator for coach Pete Carroll during the Bush period that led to school sanctions.

“USC has responded to its problems by bringing in Lane Kiffin,” committee member Rodney Uphoff wrote in an undated memo to other members of the committee. “They need a wake-up call that doing things the wrong way will have serious consequences.”

Another committee member expressed similar sentiments about Kiffin in an email dated March 2010, after Kiffin had returned to lead USC after stints as head coach of Tennessee and the NFL’s Oakland Raiders.

“Lack of institutional control … (and do we add the hiring of Lane Kiffin?), is a very easy call for me,” committee member Roscoe Howard wrote.

I wonder if the committee has any misgivings about Nick Saban now.  You can bet if the members do, they haven’t put those in writing.


Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin, The NCAA

Right now, aiight?

I know it’s Nick Saban, which means it doesn’t mean a whole helluva lot over the long haul, but you can’t tell me he’s enjoying this.

Alabama football coach Nick Saban made his annual visit to a Senior Bowl practice Tuesday, and he did so knowing that Lane Kiffin was still his offensive coordinator.

How much longer that’s the case is not known. ESPN’s Adam Schefter reported Sunday that Kiffin was a “front-runner” for the offensive coordinator job with the San Francisco 49ers, and Saban could not say for certain if the former Tennessee head coach would be back for a second season in Tuscaloosa.

“I can’t say that right now,” Saban told reporters in the Mobile suburb of Fairhope. “I know Lane is committed to us right now, and he’s doing the best he can to help recruit and do the things we need to do to have a better team next year. We’re hopeful that will continue.”

Nick Saban doesn’t do that hope thing real well.  I bet it’s a lot of fun for him to try to sell that to recruits.  Right now, that is.


Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin, Nick Saban Rules

A definite maybe

If there’s one thing you can count on with Junior, it’s stability.

I haven’t the first clue about how much truth there is to the rumor, but I’m sure Saban is happy to make time for that shit in the last few weeks heading up to signing day.


Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin

“How can you not root for a guy like that?”

I’m not a fan of the Tennessee Volunteers, but I’d definitely sympathize if any of them told Matt Hayes to take this column and stick it straight up his ass.


Filed under Don't Mess With Lane Kiffin, Media Punditry/Foibles