Category Archives: Envy and Jealousy

Envy and jealousy, with parity like this edition

In a piece dripping with sarcasm about Nick Saban’s yearning for a return to parity in college football, this one-liner stands out:

– Arkansas State plundered a valuable intern off Saban’s staff, hiring Butch Jones as its coach in December 2020. Jones displayed his acumen throughout the Red Wolves’ two victories last season.

Okay, but I bet they led the FCS in vacuous slogans and gestures.

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Envy and jealousy, “The bagmen are out of the shadows” edition

This is so, so spot on:

The man who intentionally revealed last summer at the Texas High School Coaches Association convention that his quarterback’s NIL deals were approaching “ungodly numbers”, is concerned that the combination of NIL and the transfer portal has created a situation where “you can basically buy players” as a recruiting tool.

And the man who is set to make an average of about $9.4 million over the next seven years coaching football justifies that by saying “it’s a free market we live in, in anything.” But then says he is against players being paid.

We all know college athletics is in desperate need of leadership – of which it has had none from the NCAA – and guardrails as we navigate the waters of the long-overdue world of player empowerment. And Alabama’s Nick Saban (the coach in Example No. 1) and Clemson’s Dabo Swinney (the coach in Example No. 2) occasionally make valid points.

But some of their most recent rants continue to reek of hypocrisy.

‘Ya think?

… But his outwardly complaining about it being used in recruiting … he didn’t mind it last summer when he made sure every coach in the room at the Texas High School Coaches Association convention was aware that Bryce Young, who had yet to start a game at Alabama, had NIL deals closing in on $1 million. The message: If you have a stud quarterback out there, Alabama is where he can get rich.

And Saban has benefited as much as anyone from the portal, which is fine. But for someone who acts so offended, he is making sure everyone knows it.

“Last year on our team, our guys probably made as much or more than anybody in the country,” he told the AP. Are you listening Johnny Five Star defensive lineman who might be thinking of transferring?

All the Sabans and Dabos of the coaching world are worried about is a perceived loss of control over players’ futures.  The rest is commentary.  Hypocritical commentary.

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Envy and jealousy, the smartest people in the room edition

Andy Staples ($$) concisely nails the geniuses at the NCAA with this:

Meanwhile, the schools and the NCAA got dog-walked into the business end of a 9-0 Supreme Court decision in NCAA v. Alston last year. It’s really hard to lose 9-0 in the Supreme Court, but these people managed it.

The sad thing, as he goes on to note, is that a significant portion of the folks running the sport haven’t come to grips with that yet.

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Envy and jealousy, in less than 280 characters

Shot.

Chaser.

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Envy and jealousy, the Chiznit edition

Lovely opening paragraph of a take down of the former Auburn head coach who fancies himself to be quite the font of wisdom:

Gene Chizik, he of a perfectly mediocre 38-38 record as a college football head coach, tweets supposed pearls of wisdom every few days. They almost always end with the hashtag #WordsofChizdom, because you can’t get advice like, “Pay close attention to those who don’t clap when you win” just anywhere.

True dat.

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Envy and jealousy, a synopsis of the 2021 season edition

It’s David Hale time again, y’all, and it just takes three sentences.

A quick rundown of what we knew with some degree of certainty entering Saturday’s festivities:

Georgia is good.

Texas is not good.

Dan Mullen lost a fiddle battle with the devil, and now Florida will roast in the depths of hell for all eternity.

Nothing changed afterwards, either.

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Envy and jealousy, disrespectful edition

It’s getting to the point where I may need to rename this category after David Hale.  Here’s this week’s sampler:

“Calling a win disappointing is disrespectful to the game,” Mullen said without commenting on how disrespectful it might be to surrender 52 points at home to an FCS opponent with a losing record.

Well, never let it be said we’re disrespectful to the game here, so let’s start from the top.

Saturday marked a critical turning point for plucky upstart Florida. Losers of four straight (very unfair) games, the Gators were at a significant disadvantage because of all the booing from the (home) fans but still managed to beat a national championship-winning coach (Samford’s Chris Hatcher, who won the Division II title in 2004). Hatcher also once employed Kirby Smart on his staff at Valdosta State, so technically, this also was like getting a win over Georgia. And Florida’s performance made history by allowing the most points in the first half in program history. Remember, all records are, by definition, difficult to accomplish. And what’s more, Florida did this despite firing defensive coordinator Todd Grantham last week. It’s even tougher to be really bad on defense without Grantham. Finally, let’s not forget that, as Florida mounted its heroic comeback against mighty Samford, Oklahoma was busy losing to Baylor. So, you know, go be mad at Lincoln Riley. Have you seen how he’s handled his QBs? What a mess! Nothing to see here, though, so just move along.

Admittedly, Dan Mullen is a target rich environment, but still, that’s good snark.

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Envy and jealousy, David Hale on Dan Mullen edition

Droll.

It’s certainly possible Mullen is attempting to pull off a George Costanza move, as when the cantankerous “Seinfeld” character tried to get fired so he could accept a job with the Mets. While hiring Mullen would be exactly the type of offseason move we might expect from the Mets, however, it still seems unlikely.

It may be that it’s some sort of elaborate piece of performance art, like when Joaquin Phoenix pretended to go off the deep end on Letterman, but it was just for a movie. Mullen’s probably not that good an actor, though.

It’s possible that Mullen and Ron Zook were in the same hot tub when it was struck by lightning and they switched bodies in some sort of “Freaky Friday” situation, but if that was the case, why isn’t Mullen recruiting better?

All that’s missing is some sort of shark reference.  But I’ll take it.

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Envy and jealousy, Todd Grantham edition

David Hale brings it again:

… Todd Grantham, a fan favorite in every SEC town but Gainesville, coached a defense that surrendered 321 yards on the ground. Tyrion Davis-Price ran for 287 and three touchdowns by himself, the most ever against a Florida defense, breaking a record held by Herschel Walker. It takes a special kind of awfulness to let someone break a Herschel Walker record by 50 yards.

That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever read about Grantham that didn’t mention third down.

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Envy and jealousy, Slap Shot edition

David Hale still has the touch.  Here’s what he had to say about his number five choice on his Heisman favorites list:

5. Georgia defensive tackles Jordan Davis, Devonte Wyatt and Jalen Carter

Auburn ran for 46 yards on Saturday. It marks the fifth time in six games that Georgia’s defense held the opposition to less than 100 yards on the ground. Sure, it’s unfair for us to add three players to the No. 5 spot, but how do you pick just one? It’s like naming your favorite Hanson brother; they’re all essential parts of one magical group.

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