Category Archives: Envy and Jealousy

Envy and jealousy, manball edition

Screenshot_2020-08-24 DawgStats on Twitter

In summing up last season’s offensive approach, it’s gonna be hard to top UGA offensive Plan B was outstanding Defense. for succinctness.  No matter how Kirby Smart doth otherwise protest too much.

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Envy and jealousy, could’a been a contendah edition

Pete Fiutak looks at how the SEC season shapes up after the new scheduling is disclosed and tosses out this one-liner:

Fans of Tennessee won’t be happy with 5-5, but Charlotte, Furman and Troy were supposed to make this a special year…

Seriously, that may be the greatest throwaway line of Fiutak’s career.

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Envy and jealousy,”I feel really good about canceling the sport” edition

You know, my first thought was to post something about this piece, because it really sums up my feelings about how absurd the whole “the media wants to cancel the college football season” whinefest really is, but then I thought about the shitstorm that might ensue if I did, so I said to myself, nah.

Then I said to myself, screw it.  Because, in the immortal words of King Kaiser, “you never cut funny.”

You don’t have to look far to find somebody who blames the media for canceling the college football season, and says we are trying to cancel NFL season, too. I will be blunt here: This ticks me off. “The media” is not canceling college football season. I am doing it all by myself, thank you very much.

Look, we all got bored and anxious during quarantine. Some people put together jigsaw puzzles. I dismantled a sport. It helped pass the time.

You might wonder if I was “rooting for the virus.” Well, duh. What self-respecting journalist would not root for a virus that has killed 160,000 Americans? It all falls under the umbrella of being a bad person, O.K.?

Of course, it’s “better” for sportswriters to have “sports” to cover. It gives us “work” which helps us get “paid.” But I am devoted to my passion of being a bad person, and sometimes—I recognize the irony here—being a bad person means being unselfish. If I can work and get paid, my colleagues can work and get paid. That’s a non-starter for me.

The scare quotes really tie the piece together.

*************************************************************************

UPDATE:  Well, if it’s not the media

Given this backdrop, the decision of major college conferences—especially the Big Ten and PAC 12—to abandon football this fall, understandably disgusts Americans. The soft and selfish administrators of universities and their NCAA conferences have stolen a season away from young athletes and deprived adoring alumni and fans of the rituals of autumn.

Why? For politics.

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Envy and jealousy, we’re gonna need a bigger mirror edition

What he said.

So it might just be an impossible haul, and it brings me no joy to say that. I love college football, even with all its moral failings. College football Saturdays in a town like Athens, where I live, can be absolutely joyous. (Particularly with a lot of bourbon.) But the failings of college football go beyond just the coronavirus and this country’s hapless attempts to handle it. This sport has deep, corrosive structural issues, and it’s possible that even if Trump had contained this virus in the early stages, college football would still be having trouble getting on the field this year without a vaccine. But the same stubbornness that binds people to Trump — and against basic science — is the same stubbornness that led college football fans to pretend this year could go on whether they wore a mask to the grocery store or not. Many of the same people who desperately want college football on their televisions this fall are the same people who have been downplaying this virus for months and whose behavior has led to the surge that’s now keeping their favorite game off the field.

Or who say the players can’t be trusted to make wise decisions with their NIL rights, but should absolutely be trusted when they say they want to play.

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Envy and jealousy, best snark ever edition

9664653

Perfection in a sentence.  Five stars.

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Envy and jealousy, what Michigan State hath wrought edition

In the wake of a 5-7 head coach getting a mammoth contract to induce him to change jobs, tell me Pat Forde is wrong when he writes this:

College revenue sports have never been as stupid as they are right now—as riddled with hypocrisy and inconsistency, as rife with fiscal irresponsibility, as drunk on revenue, as lacking in strong leadership. Men’s basketball is a diminished product that elite players view as a necessary evil, while administrators remain in denial about the underground economy that ran the sport for decades. Football is an increasing caste system that rewards outrageous and irresponsible spending as the Power 5 conferences stratify into the Power 2 Plus Clemson.

Mind you, stupid isn’t the same thing as wrong.  The jokers running athletic departments may be dumbasses, but it’s their money to spend.  Just don’t try to pretend things make any more sense than that.

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Envy and jealousy, master of NCAA snark edition

Listen, when it comes to sarcastic takes on Mark Emmert’s organization, I like to think I’m good at it, but I have to tip my cap to Stewart Mandel and his tour de force on the subject today ($$).  A sample:

In an interview with CBS Sports on Tuesday, Mark Emmert called the bill “the single biggest issue” in his near-decade on the job. And it’s easy to see why. Other than his association twice being ruled in violation of federal antitrust law, a football coach at a Pennsylvania university sexually abusing children for decades, a team doctor at a Michigan university sexually abusing female athletes for decades and the FBI conducting an undercover sting against corrupt college basketball coaches, Emmert’s tenure has been fairly uneventful.

I know there’s a certain shooting-fish-in-a-barrel element to this, but still, I can’t help wallowing in it.  Well played, Stewart.

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Envy and jealousy, night time is the right time edition

With the news that the Tennessee game in two weeks will be on ESPN at 7PM, comes this tweet from Groo that made me laugh out loud.

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Envy and jealousy, epitaph edition

The punchline to this obituary is epic.

Bob’s only regret is that his beloved Tennessee Volunteers Football team preceded him in death.

(h/t)

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Envy and jealousy, ESPN shade edition

Damn, Mandel throws it in his current Mailbag ($$):

… An extreme example: ESPN’s FPI gives Cincinnati a better chance of upsetting Ohio State in Columbus (24.2 percent) than Texas beating LSU in Austin (20 percent)…

James B.

For something that no one has any idea how it’s calculated, and often spits out entirely nonsensical projections like this, ESPN has sure done a great job shoving FPI down everyone’s throats.

Indeed… which makes me curious why Mickey brought Bill Connelly on board.  Eh, but what do I know?

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