Category Archives: Tommy Tuberville – Mythical National Champ

There’s chutzpah, and then…

… there’s this guy.

Tubs is certainly an expert on going to bigger schools to make more money.

His first head coaching job came at Ole Miss. In 1998, he said that he would die as the school’s head coach, famously declaring on his radio show that “they’ll have to carry me out of here in a pine box.” Two days later, Tuberville left to take the head job at Auburn. A New York Times article from 2000 detailed how he left “without saying goodbye to his football team,” and his former players at the school have reflected on how they felt wronged by the move. “He addressed the whole team, saying he wasn’t going anywhere, and that he’s going to be a part of Ole Miss for a long time,” former lineman Ben Claxton said. “The next morning my mom woke me up and told me to turn it to SportsCenter. He was getting off a plane with an Auburn hat. It felt like a slap in the face.” Fans printed shirts featuring Tuberville’s face and the words “Liar, Liar” on them.

Decades later, the pine box comment still gets brought up routinely. When asked about it on a radio show in 2019, Tuberville said that Ole Miss was not willing to commit to him and his staff financially. Yet this explanation doesn’t align with his previous response to a similar question. When asked about the comment during a 2013 deposition over the hedge fund fraud, Tuberville said, “I can’t remember that.”

Tuberville left Auburn in 2008. This time, his resignation was to the point. “After long consideration, I have decided to resign,” Tuberville wrote in a two-paragraph letter to the school. “I understand that, notwithstanding my resignation, the University will make a total payment of $5,083,334 as outlined in Section 21 of my contract.” Such a demand was unheard of then, and would be unheard of now. Coaching buyouts are reserved for those who get fired, yet Tuberville somehow finagled it so that he quit and got Auburn to pay him millions. Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs said that Tuberville’s departure was “completely his decision” and that he and the school president asked Tuberville to reconsider three times. Yet they ultimately paid Tuberville his buyout because, according to Jacobs, it was “the right thing to do.”

… Tuberville left Texas Tech in 2012. He famously sneaked out of a dinner with recruits so that he could accept a job at Cincinnati. “The waitress brought our food out, and we thought he went to the bathroom,” said Devonte Danzey, who was considering Tech but later committed to Auburn. “The next day, [Tuberville] announced he was going to Cincinnati.” The coach’s abrupt exit shocked Texas Tech players. “Never felt more anger in my life,” tweeted tight end Jace Amaro. “Can’t believe what just happened,” wrote safety Cody Davis. As at previous stops, Tuberville’s athletic director was stunned by the news. “As recently as yesterday [Tuberville] looked me in the eye and gave me his commitment and dedication to Texas Tech football,” Kirby Hocutt told reporters in 2012.

Dude may be the least self-aware human being in America.

Plus, this:

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Filed under Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Whoa, oh, Alabama

I’m sorry, but if this doesn’t make you laugh, there’s something wrong.

You know the old saying that we get the politicians we deserve?  Tubs looks like the exception that proves the rule.

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Filed under General Idiocy, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

The greatest sports analogy of my lifetime

Shot.

Chaser.

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Filed under Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Tuberville’s greatest hits

Or, should I say, quits.

That’s how you ream out the man.

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Filed under Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Meanwhile, in Alabama…

Alabama Democrats, still riding Tubs’ ass, with a touch of Saban added:

You know, they have a point.  Auburn’s usually at its best when nobody takes them seriously, and vice versa.

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Today, in Tubs love

Alabama Democrats, you magnificent bastards, I read your tweets!

You’ve outdone yourselves with this one.

Screenshot_2020-07-28 Alabama Democrats on Twitter We are informed this graphic is inauthentic Also, getting worked by Regg[...]

I am Senator Blutarsky and I approve this message.

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Filed under Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Meanwhile, in Alabama

Tommy Tuberville’s college coaching career remains fair game.

Screenshot_2020-07-23 Alabama Democrats on Twitter Two-Faced Tommy is tweeting about OUR Senate seat Which is weird, becaus[...]

It’s a target rich environment.

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Filed under Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Tuberville’s greatest hits

Alabama Democrats are en fuego about the Republican nominee for the US Senate.  Check out some of this bitch slapping:

Screenshot_2020-07-15 (1) 𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕖𝕝𝕪 𝕕𝕒𝕕 on Twitter Holy SHIT https t co SlztuxewtY Twitter

You gotta love leading with the Iron Bowl.  That’s knowing your audience.

Screenshot_2020-07-15 (1) 𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕖𝕝𝕪 𝕕𝕒𝕕 on Twitter Holy SHIT https t co SlztuxewtY Twitter(1)

And that’s the stuff I thought Sessions would fling.  It stings.  And for the coup de grace…

Screenshot_2020-07-15 (1) 𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕖𝕝𝕪 𝕕𝕒𝕕 on Twitter Holy SHIT https t co SlztuxewtY Twitter(2)

“He also lost to Vanderbilt.”  Brutal.

Sounds like this could be real fun.

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UPDATE:

Screenshot_2020-07-15 Alabama Democrats on Twitter We'd tell you the most accurate recent polling we've seen has Doug tied [...]

It’s funny ’cause it’s true.

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UPDATE #2:  Er’rybody’s dunking on Tubs now.

Screenshot_2020-07-15 This is fine on Twitter While we appreciate the congrats on beating Tommy Tuberville, that Vanderbilt[...]

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Roll Tahd!

Shot.

Screenshot_2020-07-15 Jason Isbell on Twitter Alabama fans, now is your chance for revenge Twitter

Chaser.

Screenshot_2020-07-15 Jared Lovering 😷 on Twitter EmilyMi86620303 JasonIsbell Doug Jones should have legally changed his n[...]

It’ll never happen, but I wonder what effect it would have on the general election vote if Saban came out and endorsed Jones.  Or, just for yuks, on Tubs’ campaign, for that matter.

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Filed under Alabama, Nick Saban Rules, Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

In Alabama, it’s always football season.

Even when it’s election season.  Massive burn attempt here:

Screenshot_2020-07-14 Kaitlan Collins on Twitter This is a 65-year-old former football coach who finished 4-8 at Cincinnati[...]

Loser!

Oh, and speaking of Trump…

Screenshot_2020-07-14 Kaitlan Collins on Twitter Lou Saban “Really successful coach,” Trump said, speaking of Tuberville “B[...]

That ought to win him a few votes in Tuscaloosa.

Whoever said we get the politicians we deserve had a gift for understatement.

[Ed. note:  it bears repeating — don’t take the comment thread off track, please.  The Playpen is only a day away.]

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UPDATE:

Screenshot_2020-07-14 Jon Solomon on Twitter Imagine if you were told in 2008 after Auburn’s epic 3-2 win over Mississippi [...]

What a time to be alive, eh?

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Filed under Alabama, Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ