Category Archives: Tommy Tuberville – Mythical National Champ

Tommy Tuberville, mythical recruiter of the year

The fucking balls on this guy…

That would be complete bullshit.  Although it certainly reflects the mindset of a guy who had his school throw a national championship parade after a season when his team didn’t win the national championship.  And, of course, rings!



Filed under It's All Just Made Up And Flagellant, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ


I hesitate to presume I understand the mind of Tommy Tuberville, but if I read this article correctly, there’s no antitrust exemption soup for you, NCAA.

Former college football coach and current U.S. Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.) told Sportico Monday that he does not foresee a federal bill passing the next Congress that would include an antitrust exemption for the NCAA.

Tuberville and Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W.V.) have been working since the summer on crafting narrow legislation that would try to create and regulate a national standard for college athlete NIL rights.

“We’ve got to take care of all these recruiting possibilities first, and once we get through this we would like to stay out of it,” Tuberville said in a telephone interview. “If you get (Congress) involved, it is not a rule, it is a law. We don’t want to jump in this with all four feet and say this is how it is going to be with every situation.”

“All four feet”?  Eh, forget it.

Part of me wonders if the former head coach realizes that if schools are granted an antitrust exemption, it would have the potential to impact his former colleagues as much as college athletes.


Filed under Political Wankery, The NCAA, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Today, in the free market is a beyotch

Ladies and gentlemen, behold great minds at work:

For some reason, Tuberville professes to be shocked to learn about the existence of bag men in college football.  Considering where he came from, that’s pretty fucking rich.


Filed under Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Siri, what is desperation?

When you’ve hit the “Save us, Obi Wan Tuberville, you’re our only hope” stage of NIL regulation, that’s pretty much the textbook definition.

The Power 5 conference commissioners say boosters are inducing high school and transfer athletes to attend their affiliated universities with “payments inaccurately labeled as NIL,” and they are encouraging Congress to make such actions illegal.

In a two-page letter obtained by Sports Illustrated and sent to Sens. Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.) and Joe Manchin (D-WV), the most powerful officials in the sport outlined how they believe NIL, or name, image and likeness, is being abused by donors and donor-led collectives across the country. The letter is in response to Tuberville and Manchin seeking feedback from stakeholders on the evolution of athlete compensation through NIL. Earlier this month, the senators announced that they plan to draft an NIL-related bill.

Suffice to say I don’t expect this to end particularly well.


Filed under College Football, It's Just Bidness, Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

“I’ve talked to all my [coaching] buddies.”

Tubs, to the rescue!

You’ve got to admit a man who famously jumped ship from a school during a lunch with recruits ought to be an expert on free-for-alls.

Yeah, this is going to end well.


Filed under Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

There’s chutzpah, and then…

… there’s this guy.

Tubs is certainly an expert on going to bigger schools to make more money.

His first head coaching job came at Ole Miss. In 1998, he said that he would die as the school’s head coach, famously declaring on his radio show that “they’ll have to carry me out of here in a pine box.” Two days later, Tuberville left to take the head job at Auburn. A New York Times article from 2000 detailed how he left “without saying goodbye to his football team,” and his former players at the school have reflected on how they felt wronged by the move. “He addressed the whole team, saying he wasn’t going anywhere, and that he’s going to be a part of Ole Miss for a long time,” former lineman Ben Claxton said. “The next morning my mom woke me up and told me to turn it to SportsCenter. He was getting off a plane with an Auburn hat. It felt like a slap in the face.” Fans printed shirts featuring Tuberville’s face and the words “Liar, Liar” on them.

Decades later, the pine box comment still gets brought up routinely. When asked about it on a radio show in 2019, Tuberville said that Ole Miss was not willing to commit to him and his staff financially. Yet this explanation doesn’t align with his previous response to a similar question. When asked about the comment during a 2013 deposition over the hedge fund fraud, Tuberville said, “I can’t remember that.”

Tuberville left Auburn in 2008. This time, his resignation was to the point. “After long consideration, I have decided to resign,” Tuberville wrote in a two-paragraph letter to the school. “I understand that, notwithstanding my resignation, the University will make a total payment of $5,083,334 as outlined in Section 21 of my contract.” Such a demand was unheard of then, and would be unheard of now. Coaching buyouts are reserved for those who get fired, yet Tuberville somehow finagled it so that he quit and got Auburn to pay him millions. Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs said that Tuberville’s departure was “completely his decision” and that he and the school president asked Tuberville to reconsider three times. Yet they ultimately paid Tuberville his buyout because, according to Jacobs, it was “the right thing to do.”

… Tuberville left Texas Tech in 2012. He famously sneaked out of a dinner with recruits so that he could accept a job at Cincinnati. “The waitress brought our food out, and we thought he went to the bathroom,” said Devonte Danzey, who was considering Tech but later committed to Auburn. “The next day, [Tuberville] announced he was going to Cincinnati.” The coach’s abrupt exit shocked Texas Tech players. “Never felt more anger in my life,” tweeted tight end Jace Amaro. “Can’t believe what just happened,” wrote safety Cody Davis. As at previous stops, Tuberville’s athletic director was stunned by the news. “As recently as yesterday [Tuberville] looked me in the eye and gave me his commitment and dedication to Texas Tech football,” Kirby Hocutt told reporters in 2012.

Dude may be the least self-aware human being in America.

Plus, this:


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Whoa, oh, Alabama

I’m sorry, but if this doesn’t make you laugh, there’s something wrong.

You know the old saying that we get the politicians we deserve?  Tubs looks like the exception that proves the rule.


Filed under General Idiocy, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

The greatest sports analogy of my lifetime




Filed under Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Tuberville’s greatest hits

Or, should I say, quits.

That’s how you ream out the man.


Filed under Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Meanwhile, in Alabama…

Alabama Democrats, still riding Tubs’ ass, with a touch of Saban added:

You know, they have a point.  Auburn’s usually at its best when nobody takes them seriously, and vice versa.


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