There’s chutzpah, and then…

… there’s this guy.

Senator Tommy Tuberville, a former bigtime football coach, told me last week he’s wary of impacts from paying players & even the name/image/likeness issue. He worries players might be enticed to go to bigger schools where they can make more money, and involving agents/lawyers/etc

— Steven Dennis (@StevenTDennis) June 30, 2021

Tubs is certainly an expert on going to bigger schools to make more money.

His first head coaching job came at Ole Miss. In 1998, he said that he would die as the school’s head coach, famously declaring on his radio show that “they’ll have to carry me out of here in a pine box.” Two days later, Tuberville left to take the head job at Auburn. A New York Times article from 2000 detailed how he left “without saying goodbye to his football team,” and his former players at the school have reflected on how they felt wronged by the move. “He addressed the whole team, saying he wasn’t going anywhere, and that he’s going to be a part of Ole Miss for a long time,” former lineman Ben Claxton said. “The next morning my mom woke me up and told me to turn it to SportsCenter. He was getting off a plane with an Auburn hat. It felt like a slap in the face.” Fans printed shirts featuring Tuberville’s face and the words “Liar, Liar” on them.

Decades later, the pine box comment still gets brought up routinely. When asked about it on a radio show in 2019, Tuberville said that Ole Miss was not willing to commit to him and his staff financially. Yet this explanation doesn’t align with his previous response to a similar question. When asked about the comment during a 2013 deposition over the hedge fund fraud, Tuberville said, “I can’t remember that.”

Tuberville left Auburn in 2008. This time, his resignation was to the point. “After long consideration, I have decided to resign,” Tuberville wrote in a two-paragraph letter to the school. “I understand that, notwithstanding my resignation, the University will make a total payment of $5,083,334 as outlined in Section 21 of my contract.” Such a demand was unheard of then, and would be unheard of now. Coaching buyouts are reserved for those who get fired, yet Tuberville somehow finagled it so that he quit and got Auburn to pay him millions. Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs said that Tuberville’s departure was “completely his decision” and that he and the school president asked Tuberville to reconsider three times. Yet they ultimately paid Tuberville his buyout because, according to Jacobs, it was “the right thing to do.”

… Tuberville left Texas Tech in 2012. He famously sneaked out of a dinner with recruits so that he could accept a job at Cincinnati. “The waitress brought our food out, and we thought he went to the bathroom,” said Devonte Danzey, who was considering Tech but later committed to Auburn. “The next day, [Tuberville] announced he was going to Cincinnati.” The coach’s abrupt exit shocked Texas Tech players. “Never felt more anger in my life,” tweeted tight end Jace Amaro. “Can’t believe what just happened,” wrote safety Cody Davis. As at previous stops, Tuberville’s athletic director was stunned by the news. “As recently as yesterday [Tuberville] looked me in the eye and gave me his commitment and dedication to Texas Tech football,” Kirby Hocutt told reporters in 2012.

Dude may be the least self-aware human being in America.

Plus, this:

Some context on Tommy Tuberville’s concerns that NIL will push the best players to just a few schools…

In the playoff era, 65% of 5-star recruits went to the same 8 schools (Bama, UGA, Clem, OhSt, LSU, USC, A&M & FSU).

Only 26 of 130 schools have signed more than 1 (20%). pic.twitter.com/0pzaC9dMye

— 💫🅰️♈️🆔 (@ADavidHaleJoint) June 30, 2021

Whoa, oh, Alabama

I’m sorry, but if this doesn’t make you laugh, there’s something wrong.

https://t.co/Mwd9TszzB3 pic.twitter.com/F1sa2SU4Jf

— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) April 29, 2021

You know the old saying that we get the politicians we deserve?  Tubs looks like the exception that proves the rule.

The greatest sports analogy of my lifetime

Shot.

Senator Elect Tommy Tuberville from Alabama believes that WW2 was fought to free Europe from socialism. pic.twitter.com/pUaYhfXCxy

— Jason Stanley (@jasonintrator) November 13, 2020

Tommy Tuberville, who is about the be sworn in as a U.S. Senator, thinks the three branches of government are “the House, the Senate and executive.” https://t.co/021Fo4R9GO pic.twitter.com/pT2cpbTTXd

— Ian Sams (@IanSams) November 13, 2020

Chaser.

Going from @DougJones to Tommy Tuberville is like going from Nick Saban to Tommy Tuberville https://t.co/zcZZc6WogF

— Jordan Acker (@JordanAckerMI) November 13, 2020

Tuberville’s greatest hits

Or, should I say, quits.

oh my pic.twitter.com/e0bzklo4Nj

— Alex McDaniel (@AlexMcDaniel) September 27, 2020

That’s how you ream out the man.

Meanwhile, in Alabama…

Alabama Democrats, still riding Tubs’ ass, with a touch of Saban added:

Let's talk about polls for a second. Tubs was consensus top 5 in the 2003 preseason polls, lost his first two games (scored 3 points total), and ended up in the Music City Bowl.

So y'all focus on that rat poison all you want. We'll outwork yesterday. https://t.co/CXHC0NJKGr

— Alabama Democrats (@aldemocrats) August 4, 2020

You know, they have a point.  Auburn’s usually at its best when nobody takes them seriously, and vice versa.

Today, in Tubs love

Alabama Democrats, you magnificent bastards, I read your tweets!

You’ve outdone yourselves with this one.

I am Senator Blutarsky and I approve this message.

Meanwhile, in Alabama

Tommy Tuberville’s college coaching career remains fair game.

It’s a target rich environment.

Tuberville’s greatest hits

Alabama Democrats are en fuego about the Republican nominee for the US Senate.  Check out some of this bitch slapping:

You gotta love leading with the Iron Bowl.  That’s knowing your audience.

And that’s the stuff I thought Sessions would fling.  It stings.  And for the coup de grace…

“He also lost to Vanderbilt.”  Brutal.

Sounds like this could be real fun.

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UPDATE:

It’s funny ’cause it’s true.

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UPDATE #2:  Er’rybody’s dunking on Tubs now.

Roll Tahd!

Shot.

Chaser.

It’ll never happen, but I wonder what effect it would have on the general election vote if Saban came out and endorsed Jones.  Or, just for yuks, on Tubs’ campaign, for that matter.

In Alabama, it’s always football season.

Even when it’s election season.  Massive burn attempt here:

Loser!

Oh, and speaking of Trump…

That ought to win him a few votes in Tuscaloosa.

Whoever said we get the politicians we deserve had a gift for understatement.

[Ed. note:  it bears repeating — don’t take the comment thread off track, please.  The Playpen is only a day away.]

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UPDATE:

What a time to be alive, eh?