Category Archives: Tommy Tuberville – Mythical National Champ

Tubberville gone Tubberville.

A man who has bullshitted his way through head coach job after head coach job has now turned his talent towards voters.

Gotta give the man credit for consistency.

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Filed under It's All Just Made Up And Flagellant, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

TFW “it just means more” catches up to your political ambitions

This is flat out nasty.

When Clifton Robinson, the short but quick receiver from Naples, Florida, returned to the Auburn University football team in August 1999 after pleading guilty to contributing to the delinquency of a minor to avoid going to trial after being charged with the second-degree rape of a 15-year-old girl, first-year head coach Tommy Tuberville pledged to figure out the right punishment for him.

“Clifton is back on the team,” Tuberville said. “He and I will sit down today, and I’ll tell him that we do things right around here, so he can expect there will be some punishment. What it is, I don’t know yet.”

That punishment ended up being a mere one-game suspension from the team’s Sept. 4 season opener against Appalachian State. Auburn won 22-15.

Tuberville, now running for the Republican Senate nomination in Alabama with the endorsement of President Trump, is locked in a competitive primary against former Attorney General Jeff Sessions. The winner will face Democratic incumbent Doug Jones. The Tuberville campaign declined to comment on this story.

Bold strategy, Cotton.  Let’s see if it pays off…

Tuberville’s past will indelibly be linked to the case of Roy Moore, who, as a Senate candidate for the special election in 2017, faced serious, credible allegations of sexual impropriety and predatory behavior with teenage girls as young as 14 while he was in his early 30s.

If Tuberville wants to build trust with the people of Alabama and govern from a position of moral authority on what’s right and wrong, he needs to be transparent and explain his past actions.

Hoo, boy.  It’s a good thing Tubs never pissed off anyone during his college coaching career.

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Losering

I’m sorry, but there’s a special place in my heart for Tommy Tuberville mockery, and this certainly qualifies.

Screenshot_2020-06-23 Home Twitter

I guess he can’t count on one vote.

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Filed under Alabama, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

In Birmingham, they love the Senator.

Politically speaking, I don’t have a dog in the hunt that is the Alabama Republican primary for the US Senate, which doesn’t mean I can’t take all kinds of pleasure from this exchange, coming after Jeff Sessions called for a series of debates with Tommy Tuberville:

 

 

Kudos to Sessions’ research staff, but, guys, you’ve just scratched the surface there.  How about a video series of interviews with folks at Ole Miss and the Texas Tech recruits Tubs blew off during lunch after he learned he got the Cinci job?  (“Alabama voters, if he’ll do it to them, he’ll do it to you, too!”)

And if y’all can’t find a way to mock Tuberville over this…

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… you need to go back to snark school.  The man’s a walking advertisement for bullshit.

Get crackin’, fellas!  Time’s a wastin’.  Entertain us.

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Filed under Alabama, Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Pot meets kettle.

Shot.

Chaser.

Man, I’m looking forward to plenty more tortured football metaphors where that came from.  (And I still think Sessons is missing a golden opportunity to rag Tubs over 2004.)

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Filed under Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

“As much as I love the guy,” Leard said, “now he’s a politician.”

Tommy Tuberville’s former players range anywhere from bemused to disappointed over the candidate running to be Alabama’s next US Senator.

I’m not really sure why they don’t get it.  He’s still recruiting.  All that’s changed is he’s recruiting a different type of person.

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Filed under Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ, Whoa, oh, Alabama

Stick to politics

This seems like one tortured analogy.

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Is Jeff Sessions confusing Tommy Tuberville with Paul Johnson?

It would be a lot funnier if he mocked Tubs for that mythical 2004 natty.  And it probably would sting a lot more, too.

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Filed under Alabama, Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Make 2004 great again

Just a reminder — those that can, coach; those that can’t, pander.

Are Auburn fans really gonna vote for this guy?

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Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands, Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Just what Alabama needed.

It certainly was an eventful weekend to be an Auburn fan.  Aside from prematurely ejaculating over a men’s basketball national championship game appearance that never materialized, they were also greeted with this news:

Veteran college football coach Tommy Tuberville will run for the United States Senate in Alabama as a Republican, sources tell CBS Sports.

The longtime Auburn coach had considered running for governor in 2017. Instead, he will begin his political career pursuing the senate seat currently held by Democrat Doug Jones. The Republican primary for the seat is March 3, 2020. If Tuberville makes it through, the general election is Nov. 3, 2020.

Jones won the seat vacated by Jeff Sessions in 2017 when Sessions became U.S. Attorney General. In a bitter, contentious special election campaign, Jones finally beat Roy Moore by half a percentage point.

Former Donald Trump press secretary Sean Spicer is working on Tuberville’s campaign.

That combination of talent immediately brought this to mind.

Hey, it beats talking about the season he went to the spread and got fired.

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UPDATE:  Oh, boy.

I’m beginning to think there’s some real blogging manna potential here.

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Filed under Political Wankery, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ

Mark Richt’s not so great week

Shot.

Chaser.

Diaz’ defense was the only thing holding Miami up last season.  To lose the architect of that, and then take on Mr. “You’ve got to run the ball in the SEC” as his replacement would be sublime from a blogging perspective… which is why that probably won’t come to fruition.  Damn.

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Filed under ACC Football, Tommy Tuberville - Mythical National Champ