Our long national nightmare that I didn’t even know existed is over.

I guess I’ll sleep better now knowing that PAWWWLLL!!! and Johnny Football have kissed and made up.

Nice while it lasted

He awoke in a blurry haze.  The inside of his mouth tasted like burnt kerosene. His body itched in places he didn’t think could itch.  One of his eyelids was stuck, gummy.  His nose was assaulted with a brutal stench; suddenly, he realized he’d come to in a street gutter.  What few clothes he was wearing were both nasty and torn.

“What the hell?”, he muttered to himself.  The last thing he could remember was being the toast of the town.  People calling out his name, raising glasses to toast, applauding… and from that to this?  How…

And then, suddenly, in a burst, it all came flooding back to him.

Okay nobody panic pic.twitter.com/iXgGBaAD0x

— △⃒⃘ (@ItsPaoloni) December 11, 2016

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Thursday morning buffet

If the end of signing day has left you empty, it’s time to fill up.

• Nebraska, you’re strange.
• If you want to know how Mike Bobo’s first signing day went, here you go.
• The Sports and Grits guys will be in mourning:  TCU’s Dick Bumpas announces he’s retiring.
• The saddest, strangest story from signing day occurred at FSU.
• Holy mother of crap, this kid’s huge.
• I’m gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that describing a kid being reinstated after punching a female student hard enough to fracture her face as “He’s been like a caged tiger, I can tell you that…” may not be the best choice of words.
• Ah, Los Angeles.
• Regrets about Johnny Football – Kevin Sumlin has a few.
• Here’s why South Carolina recruits metro Atlanta:  “That’s evidenced by how actively USC recruits the area, which boasts as many high schools as in all of South Carolina.”
• If you want to get a feel for how programs across the nation did yesterday in 140 characters or less, Dave Bartoo can tell you.

Stay thirsty, my fans.

Johnny Football celebrated his first round draft status by buying everyone of drinking age in his favorite bar in College Station a beer and a shot.

I can think of worse ways to say thanks.

The SEC’s New Year’s Eve bowl experience: our kids can beat up your honor students.

Wins over Rice and Duke don’t sound like much, because, well, they’re wins over Rice and Duke.  And, in fact, the Liberty Bowl was in little doubt from the first play from scrimmage, as MSU’s monster-sized quarterback carried what looked like two-thirds of the Owls defense for three or four yards.  If there’s one thing Dan Mullen is experienced with, it’s beating programs from lesser light conferences.

The Chick-fil-A Bowl, on the other hand…

Texas A&M lived up to the new SEC motto – “Defense doesn’t win championships; it’s just something you do until the offense comes back on the field” – with a vengeance.  And if there’s anybody who knows how to exploit a shitty defense, it’s David Cutcliffe.  (If he watched the game last night, Willie Martinez was probably having acid flashbacks to that 2006 debacle in Athens.)

In the end, though, despite Duke’s best efforts, the game wound up being a giant platform for the talents of one Johnny Manziel, who simply wouldn’t quit.  His defense finally caught up with him and made a couple of big plays, but if the rumors are true about Johnny Football, this game was one helluva farewell to college football from him.

And it was also a reminder about how puzzling the media response to Manziel was this season.  Sure, he’s brash at times.  But it’s not like he got somebody pregnant, was caught dealing drugs or brandished an AK-47 (although I’m not sure that gets you in trouble in Texas these days).  He had another dazzling year and yet it’s almost as if it didn’t matter.  And it should have, because, at least for me, he’s been the most fun CFB player to watch since Darren McFadden.

I mean, what can you say about this?

Let’s see A.J. McCarron top that.

Saturday morning buffet

Hungry?

• D.J. Shockley on Aaron Murray:  “But in my book, he’s No. 1. He’s done it all. The numbers don’t lie. He’s put them in position, and obviously he can’t play defense and special teams. He’s definitely had a great career and worthy of being one of the best.” 
• Johnny Football’s going to make announce a decision about his future before TAMU’s bowl game.
• “The celebration by locals that for decades has been Florida football has more of an atmosphere of “Let’s just get this over with.”“
• Revenge is a dish best served urnge.
• The financial aid deals Georgia signed with two recruits this week have five-year terms.  Still haven’t seen a downside for a recruit to do this.
• It’s been a roller coaster ride for Arkansas’ seniors.
• Want something to worry about in today’s game in Athens?  Kentucky’s defensive ends are fifth and seventh in the conference in sacks.

Sunday morning buffet

Wakey, wakey, football fans.

• Texas, Willie Lyles is standing by, ready to offer his services in a time of need.
• Jadeveon Clowney is hurting.  If Georgia finishes out the season ahead of South Carolina, brace yourselves an updated version of  the “Tebow was injured in the 2007 Cocktail Party” excuse from ‘Cock fans.
• Epic onside kick fail in the Duke-Tech game.
• After Harvey Updyke’s asshole unpuckers yesterday, he sends a little bravado Johnny Manziel’s way.
• Tommie Frazier is a bit miffed with Bo Pelini’s defense.
• Against Oregon, Tennessee gave up the second-most yards in a single game in program history.  Safety Brian Randolph’s conclusion?  “We didn’t play up to our standard today.”  I suppose that’s true in a way.
• Johnny Football vs. Johnny Rotten.
• Johnny Football vs. Nick Saban.
• Alabama’s coaches and players have no hard feelings about one of the stupidest penalties in college football.  I wonder if they’d feel the same way had they lost.

Header of the day

I’m not sure what this says about college football, but it’s probably not complimentary.

As much as I’m looking forward to hearing the dulcet tones of Uncle Verne again, I’m really starting to dread the coverage of the ‘Bama-TAMU game.

Wednesday morning buffet

Grab a plate and get to it.

• I think this is what they mean by irony:  “The healthiest defensive back for Georgia right now is sophomore safety Josh Harvey-Clemons, who is suspended for the opener after admitting to police this spring that he had been smoking marijuana.”  Weed makes you strong!
• Chad Morris promises Georgia 100% of Clemson’s playbook.
• I wonder if anybody ever talks to Paul Johnson now the way Erk talked to Paul Johnson.
• You’ve been warned:  Chris Fowler promises that ESPN will cover the Manziel story “just like we had to cover the investigation into Cam Newton at Auburn.”  Yech.
• Al.com apologizes for being sexist in a football story it ran.  You wonder how many readers even noticed in the first place.
• Maybe Al.com should have checked with Siri first.
• Christian Robinson turned down a NFL camp invite to stay in Athens as a GA.
• Here’s something else the Georgia offense was good at last season.

Is that how your folks raised you?

With all due respect to Herbstreit, Johnny Manziel’s issue may not be his level of intelligence, but his background.  His family history reads like the back story in a James Lee Burke novel.