As the regular season is over, I thought I’d spice my last power poll up with a look at how every team did in net yards per conference game. There should be a rough correlation between net yardage and wins/losses. That’s a little distorted this season, as eight teams finished in positive territory, thanks to a truly egregious number racked up by Vanderbilt.
- Auburn (+91.70). Can you say team of destiny? I thought you could.
- Arkansas (+101.4). They got better as the season went along. With apologies to Gus Malzahn, Bobby Petrino is the best offensive mind in the SEC.
- LSU (+39.6). Les says some strange things and may have a few clock management issues, but as the net yardage number indicates, he can coach a little.
- Alabama (+62.0). Coach Saban, Coach Saban. You had the tape of the Georgia game and you still decided to take your foot off the gas against Auburn. Big mistake.
- South Carolina (+38.8). Closed with a great November, which is unusual for the Gamecocks. The Chicken Curse may indeed be dead.
- Mississippi State (-36.5). Classic overachiever story. Dan Mullen squeezed every drop he could out of his players this season.
- Georgia (+27.2). Really, almost a coin toss with Florida here. The Dawgs get the nod because their finish wasn’t as abysmal as the Gators’ was.
- Florida (+42.2). Yesterday, Mark Bradley referred to Urban Meyer as “my role model in all things”. That explains a lot. There’s no way this team should have finished with four conferences losses, or as badly as it did.
- Tennessee (-52.3). Call ’em Kings of the Dipshits, if you’d prefer. But as poor as that net yardage number is, the Vols still finished with more conference wins than any of the last three teams on this list (and beat two of them).
- Kentucky (+6.0). They were one Marcus Lattimore injury away from having a completely forgettable season. Not an auspicious start for Joker Phillips’ head coaching career.
- Mississippi (-74.9). I don’t think Dan Mullen started the Houston Nutt-to-Colorado rumors that surfaced yesterday, but you can be damned sure he’ll be mentioning them on the recruiting trail this week.
- Vanderbilt (-245.4). Twelfth place with a thud. And, yes, that net yardage number is epically bad. No, make that apocalyptically bad.
Get The Picture 
King of the Dipshits; Perhaps a more fitting motto for UT than their current, “You will know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” Or maybe the great liberating truth is that they are King of the Dipshits.
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The UGA and UF numbers are interesting. What strikes about those two teams’ results are that both teams lustily ate their cupcakes but lost to everyone else; the difference is that Florida got blown out a few times. The Gators really wet the bed against USC and FSU, whereas UGA just couldn’t close the deal a few times.
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