Clueless in Atlanta

As commenter Jason noted this morning, this thread at StingTalk is way too good to pass up.  Start with this:

All this re-alignment drama reminds me of weekends nights in college. Bar is about to close. Me and 3 buddies are trying to decide which chicks we try to score with. 50 other dudes trying to figure out the same thing. We gotta make quick decisions before our competition does.

Do we go for the best looking?…the easy score (slut)?…the easy score (fat)?….the smart girl from class?….or old reliable (solid choice, but nothing exciting)?

I think all 4 conferences want Texas (best looking).
Pac 10 already snagged Colorado (slut).
Big 10 snagged Nebraska (old reliable).

How would you guys categorize GT in SEC/Big 10 eyes?

They really make it easy sometimes.  Answers, please, in the comments.


Filed under Georgia Tech Football

75 responses to “Clueless in Atlanta

  1. Vindexdawg

    If anyone here watches Breaking Bad on the AMC channel, I would categorize them as as the character Wendy in the opening scene from this past Sunday’s (June 6) episode.


  2. OnTap

    Fat and ugly, but hiding it by wearing a burkah and toting a pipe bomb.


  3. Ubiquitous GA Alum

    GT is that dorky girl that even the dim lighting and beer fog doesn’t make look better.


  4. Charles D.

    Fat, ugly virgin. Would make a perfect DD for me and the slut.


  5. Silver Creek Dawg

    Fat, ugly and 24 beers later…

    Maybe not so much.

    I’d still need a flag to wrap her face in and do it for my country.


  6. BeerMoney

    I thought old relaible was a Tech fan’s right and (sometimes left) hand


  7. 202Dawg

    GT- the nerdy, chubby, almost-pretty older sister who won a crown or two once upon a time. She has more book smarts than common sense. She talks about her status and how many friends she has but when she invites them to her parties there are ALWAYS empty seats. LOTS of empty seats. She knows how to dance but the competition isn’t anything to brag about. If she ever danced at a REAL party she would be forgotten about… quickly.


    • aristoggle

      Bingo! But, she’s pretty smart, and someone you’d want working in your space program; if you had one.


  8. Go Dawgs!

    I was going to call BS on that thread, until I realized he’s talking about “World of Warcraft”. He’s sitting in a *virtual* bar, trying to figure out which of the *virtual* girls he’s going to *try* to score with.

    Even in a computer-generated fantasy, Tech boys still struggle to get laid.


  9. The Realist

    Georgia Tech is the girl that is so plain, she blends in with the background, and neither the SEC nor the Big 10 even realize she exists… until they offer a polite “excuse me” when they must squeeze past her on the way to someone that actually has something to offer.


  10. Spike

    GT.. The fugly girl in the corner who needs a ridwe home at 2:oo am, but is so gross that I would not even do her with your johnson, no matter how drunk I was.


  11. Zdawg

    Girl with curiously large adam’s apple.


  12. Tech is the psycho ex-girlfriend who left because she thought you were cheating, but now that she sees you’re making a lot of money, she’s doing her best to make you think she’s also doing well and that she might be worth another go … you know, if she was going home with someone, which she certainly is not because she’s just there to have a drink, that’s all, and she’s certainly not there because her friend FSU said she was going because she thought she had a chance with you.


  13. Me

    Looks kind of cute after beer 12, get her home and she’s…..FLAG BOY!!! Ick.


    • Ubiquitous GA Alum

      Reminds me of one of the funniest jeers I ever heard at a game. At half time when flag boy was on the field @ the Joke by the Coke, a UGA fan stands up and yells, “Look it’s a Georgia Tech Yellow Flagit!” … :0


  14. DirkDawggler

    The girl named Pat. She’s wearing khakis and you just can’t tell, even from a profile view. At this point, you hope you just pass out on the floor.


  15. hassan

    Tech is the girl that comes in the bar with an air of conceit texting constantly to only god knows who. Despite her 25 extra pounds, she thinks she’s the hottest girl in the room (I mean, like how could she totally not be with enormous white sunglasses and ugg boots to cover her cankles?). After several hours of nursing vodka and Red Bulls (with a splash of grenadine) and trying unsuccessfully to initiate conversations with nearly every guy in the bar, last call rolls around. Since she has no viable hits, she heads to Denny’s with her pals to mow down a few Grand Slams while propping up each others egos by talking trash about all the other girls back in the bar (“can you believe what she was wearing…like, OMG”). The next day you can find her tweeting about all the hot guys that wanted to take her home and how wild her posse can get when they hit the town. At some point she’ll marry the first guy that will have her, pop out a couple of kids, buy a minivan, and organize the monthly “girls night out” with her college pals…all the while reminiscing about the wild times that never happened.


  16. 81Dog

    As usual, the nerds have their analogy wrong. They aren’t the hunter in this game, they’re the chick hoping to get invited someplace. Now that we have the correct perspective, which girl at the bar is Tech?

    Simple. GTU is Snooki from Jersey Shore. Loud, obnoxious, and the worst kind of unattractive: she’s a weak 4 who thinks she’s a strong 9.5. She thinks she belongs with the supermodel class (in this analogy, the supermodel class is the SEC or the Big Ten), despite her barely being able to fit in with the band of mostly losers she’s been clinging to for years (in this analogy, that’s the ACC). She’s hot, she’s famous, she’s happening….just ask her.

    In reality, a little place where the Snookies of the world rarely visit, she belongs with the other obnoxious, trying too hard fat girls: the Big East, the Mountain West, maybe even the MAC. It’s just about to be last call at the NCAA Bar. I suspect when it’s over, the Yellow Snookies are going to have to call themselves a cab again.


  17. ruteger

    “the smart girl from class”…that’s it, the guy said it. When you look at GT as a hook-up, you don’t think about huge endowments and attractive assets or dream about athletic possibilities (i.e. Jerry in the Seinfeld episode “The Gymnast”). You think “Eh, that’s the smart girl”, and move on.


  18. Normaltown Mike

    Tech is a classic 2-bagger:
    -1 bag is for her, so you don’t have to look at her face.
    -the other bag is for your own head in case her bag falls off.


  19. Prov

    /Sorry if it doesn’t show up in the post.


  20. Tommy

    She isn’t at the bar. It’s Saturday night and she’s at home quilting, utterly clueless that fun — this crazy thing where multiple individuals gather to do something other than be productive — is being had somewhere.


  21. JC in Powder Springs

    “… weekend nights in college” = getting beat up & robbed on gt campus by 12 year olds from techwood homes.

    “Me and 3 buddies” = Gilbert, Raja, Hadji & Apu.

    “…chicks we try to score with” = fat, drunk homeless lady puking in corner.


  22. Cojones

    The one with the flat head to rest my beer on.


  23. Brandon

    I think Tech would be an ugly girl that thought she was hot, was a name tosser, and constantly lied about people she knew, places she’d been, etc. You might screw her but only for the chance to make fun of her about it later.


  24. dudetheplayer

    cool story bro.


  25. DawgBiscuit

    Tidefan nailed it. Tech is that ex-girlfriend that always thought she was so much better than you (and still does). She dumped you when you were in college because she was convinced she could be a actress/model and that you were holding her back, and openly disdained you afterward. Now she is a waitress, and you are a successful real estate attorney/blogger in the same town, and she wants to get back with you, but you know it’s only because of your salary. She still thinks she’s better than you and would dump you again the minute a richer guy comes along. Tell her to take a hike.


  26. Dawg19

    I can’t help but think Tech is more like Larry and Kent in ‘Animal House’ when they visit the Omega house at the beginning of the movie.

    (The SEC as Greg Marmalard): That’s Florida over there. They’ve won two BCS championships. That’s LSU, they’ve also won two BCS chmapionships. And over there is Alabama, they are the reigning BCS champs. And Goergia, they’ve won two SEC championships this decade…”

    “And in here is Maryland, Wake Forest, Boston College…”

    (Tech quietly interupting): “Yes, we’ve already met.”

    (SEC): “AHH, SUPER!! Then you’ll have lots to talk about, huh!…..yeah…”


  27. hassan

    Tech at the bar at last call?

    I hit it.

    Never called her after that.


  28. Jason

    you are all so welcome for the link.


  29. Tech is the gay guy just hoping someone is drunk enough to give it a shot, you know, just to see what it is like.


  30. patrick bateman

    The kinky, marginally attractive girl you let shit on your chest every so often.


  31. Gen. Stoopnagle

    Surely it has already been said, but…

    …the fat girl who thinks she’s hot that’s going home alone?

    Frankly, our goal should be to keep Tech where they currently reside. I think folks in Tuscaloosa probably feel the same way after getting ducked recently.


  32. BMan

    Tech is the chick that, if you decide to “throw her a bone,” you just punish it. You have to talk completely filthy to get yourself through it, and after you’ve finished, she knows exactly how much you revile and disrespect her.


  33. Silver Britches

    Buffalo Bill, tucking his junk and prancing around his dungeon in a ladies bathrobe.


  34. Albert Einstein

    Relativity being what it is (I wrote all about that once), with all this conference realignment talk someone should propose a major college “Ivy League” of sorts. Makes sense to me that some of the “egghead” schools (Georgia Tech being one that at thinks it is) should get together and probably be better for it competitively. Virginia, Duke, North Carolina, Wake Forest, Vanderbilt, Tulane, Georgia Tech, Rice, Baylor, Army, Navy and Air Force would work as a 12 team conference. You could also add Northwestern, Michigan, Stanford and Cal-Berkley but that would add an awful lot of travel.


  35. Hunkering Hank

    What many of the commenters have alluded to is Tech as a “Polar Bear.” A fat, alibaster white female who could be from metro-Atlanta who’s parents could be from Ohio or New Jersey who wears Uggs and ridiculous sunglasses and thinks, no truly believes, she is triple hott. But is, in fact, terrifyingly large, overweight, drunk, obnoxious and self-deluded.

    Tech is exactly that.


  36. Dawg w/two

    So many great lines, so little memory.


  37. UGA06DAWG

    Tech = The “me love you long time” that nobody even wants to be loved by for a short time.


  38. Wolfman

    I would think Tech would have to have more familiarity with women to be compared to a woman in any analogy. Even in this example Tech is still in the basement playing D&D.


  39. Spike

    Senator, you da bomb, but this is your best stuff ever.


  40. Brandon

    I’ve got to give it to them, at least they were honest about male/female ratio at Tech, 50 dudes for every 5 girls (slut, fatty, best looking, old reliable, smart girl) sounds about right.


  41. Mike

    ummmm….I’m going to go with an Asian male that is really good at Math.


  42. Dawg N Suds

    GT is the wrinkled old girl who once thought she was hot, had left the bar years ago in a snit to go to the big city, got picked up by two losers (Mr. Metro and Mr. ACC), and now finds herself back at the same bar, desperately looking for Mr. Right.


  43. Doug

    Man, am I sorry I was out of town and miles away from a serviceable Internet connection when this happened.

    But anyway, my belated response is that two things immediately sprang to mind:

    1) An old joke: “What’s the mating call of the sorority girl? ‘I am soooo drunk.’ What’s the mating call of the ugly sorority girl? ‘I SAID, I AM SOOOOOOO DRUNK!’ ”

    2) In the series premiere of “30 Rock,” the sketch-comedy “show-within-a-show” whose head writer is played by Tina Fey had a sketch called “Pam, the Overly Confident Morbidly Obese Woman.” From now on, if my comments any random references to “Pam,” they refer to GT unless otherwise noted.