Category Archives: Auburn’s Cast of Thousands

“I’m still a trust guy.”

Per Auburn’s prez, more than half of the money in Gus Malzahn’s new contract is guaranteed, which means that the buyout figure is at least $24.5 million. reports that it’s way more than half the money. has learned that 75 percent of the money in the contract is guaranteed, and while there are a few minor details to be worked out, that percentage is not still in negotiation. Like all the major details, it’s been agreed upon by both sides.

In other words, should Auburn fire Malzahn at some point in the next seven years for losing too many games, it would owe him 75 percent of the remaining value of the contract.

For example, if he were let go with three years and $21 million left on the deal, Auburn would owe him 75 percent of that amount or $15.75 million. That’s an approximation because the contract isn’t structured as a flat $7 million a year but as a graduated amount. The average is $7 million a year over seven years.

In addition, has learned there is no offset or mitigation language in the contract. That means the amount of money Auburn would owe Malzahn should it dismiss him would not be reduced by any salary he would make at his next job.

Holy shit, Batman.  And this for a guy who has to get past Alabama, LSU and Georgia every year just to make it to the SECCG.

That’s some trust, brother.



Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands, It's Just Bidness

Too cool for school

Really, this is too precious.

“Really cool”?  When’s the last time anyone thought PAWWWLLL was cool?


Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands, ESPN Is The Devil, SEC Football

Help a Tiguh out.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think you’ve just been served a fastball down the middle with this rhetorical question:

If you are an Auburn fan/alumnus like myself, the past few days have brought a new personal nightmare unknown to any of us before. Yes, I am speaking of the fact that Alabama and Georgia, the Tigers’ two biggest rivals, will meet Monday in the College Football Playoff National Championship Game.

Sigh. How did this happen? How did it go from Auburn defeating both teams when they were ranked No. 1 to these enemies playing for it all? What did Tigers fans do to upset the college football gods?  [Emphasis added.]

Please clue him in.


Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands

Comrades in arms

From Roll Bama Roll’s Q&A with Dawg Sports’ Macondawg comes this amusing exchange:

7. It’s pretty funny that Auburn has to watch this game, isn’t it?

It’s freaking hilarious. I think we can all agree on that one.

It’s really been a great season, hasn’t it?


Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands

Gettin’ off the Gus Bus

Quite the reverse haul at Auburn:

Auburn cornerback Carlton Davis, tailback Kamryn Pettway and defensive end Jeff Holland are skipping their senior seasons to enter the NFL draft.

All three announced their decisions Wednesday on social media. Tailback Kerryon Johnson has also declared his plans to turn pro.

Four of his best players leaving early and an uninspired loss to UCF… Malzahn’s got to be relieved he got that monster contract extension out of the way first.


Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands

Throwing stuff up against the bulletin board and seeing what sticks.

As I’ve already said, motivation tends to carry the day during bowl season.  In my mind, if UCF has a legitimate shot of upsetting Auburn in the Peach Bowl, it’ll be because the Knights want it more than the Tigers.  On paper, anyway, Auburn’s offense looks to have its way with a mediocre Central Florida defense and it’s hard to see how UCF copes with that menacing Auburn defensive front.

Best thing to do, then, would seem to be to lull the Gus Bus to sleep with lots of love and respect and try to catch them napping on game day. But, between one of UCF’s players denigrating SEC speed and now Scott Frost himself claiming that his coaching staff is outworking Malzahn’s, it looks like they’ve decided on a different tack to take.  Interesting.


Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands

Today, in golden parachutes

Jay Jacobs is hightailing out of Auburn with a lot left hanging on his plate:

Jacobs announced his pending retirement Nov. 3 amid scandals within the softball program, basketball program and a federal lawsuit involving a former track employee. Basketball assistant coach Chuck Person was fired in October following his arrest on six federal bribery and fraud charges in which he allegedly funneled money to the families of players Danjel Purifoy and Austin Wiley. Both players have yet to play a game this season for Auburn and their status for the remainder of the season is unknown.

The softball program was rocked by sexual misconduct allegations, which led to Auburn banning assistant Corey Myers from campus two days before his father, Clint Myers, announced his retirement as head coach in August.

For ordinary mortals in a normal job setting, with a legacy like that, you’d be lucky to leave with the clothes on your back.  Neither of those qualifiers appears to apply to Jacobs, though.

Jay Jacobs will never have to worry about money during his lifetime.

The Auburn athletics director, thanks to 30-plus years in the state retirement system, will be paid $540,000 a year in state retirement money when his tenure with the university ends, according to the Florence Times Daily.

The enormous retirement payments have been labeled a “super outlier” by Retirement Systems of Alabama deputy director Don Yancey.

Jacobs will be paid at least $45,000 per month, according to the report.

Jacobs won’t have to worry about money and Auburn won’t have to worry about finding the money to pay him.  Thanks, taxpayers of Alabama!  You’re a generous bunch.

As we like to say around these parts, nice work if you can get it.


Filed under Auburn's Cast of Thousands, It's Just Bidness