Roll ’em easy

Harvey Updyke is turning in his grave.

Let the good times roll.

One of Auburn’s great traditions is ready for a comeback, as the university announced Tuesday the two main oak trees at Toomer’s Corner are ready to be rolled and be covered in toilet paper.

“The rolling of Toomer’s Corner is one of the nation’s top sports traditions,” Auburn president Christopher B. Roberts said in a statement. “Our fans have come together for decades on the corner of Magnolia and College to celebrate our big wins. In recent years, we continued our cherished tradition by rolling different trees, but I am very excited that the Auburn Family will once again be able to roll our most prominent trees.”

And that’s a good thing.  Hey, it’s easy to mock, but let’s face it — a lot of college traditions are dumb on the surface.  If folks care about it, that works for me.

Besides, fuck Harvey Updyke.

Gaps to the left of me, gaps to the right

"I know we're a better Auburn fb team than when I got here. What I don't know is if we've closed the gap." — Hugh Freeze.

— Dennis Dodd (@dennisdoddcbs) July 18, 2023

Hugh, my man, a little advice:  if you have to ask, you haven’t closed it.

Your cheery Tuesday morning thought

More than that, it just feels right.

It’s the SEC, bruh. There are gaps everywhere.

Like, for example, Auburn’s.

“If we’re not in that top-10 range, they’ll probably be firing me in Year 4 or Year 5,” he said with a half-laugh, “but you know that coming in. …”

… It [Recruiting] has to be even better, though, to beat Alabama and Georgia.

“How anybody really closes it on those two, the challenge is tall,” Freeze said.

Hugh’s biggest problem, given the proliferation of NIL, is that everybody can do now what he was doing under the table at Ole Miss.

Jumping ship

Too bad, so sad.

The Auburn Tigers are losing fans faster than any college football team in the nation.

Recently released data from the sports marketing firm SBRnet and analyzed by the Center for Sports Analytics at Samford University and AL.com show the Tigers saw their football fanbase cut nearly in half in just one year – a huge decline for a team that was among the top 14 most popular schools in 2021.

Overall, SBRnet shows Auburn lost nearly 950,000 football fans between 2021 and 2022, a 47% decrease. Both figures led the nation.

There is a punchline to the story.

Eight non-SEC teams – some not even in the South – were more popular than Auburn in the Southern U.S. in 2022: Florida State, Duke, Ohio State, North Carolina, Michigan, Maryland, Clemson and Georgia Tech.  [Emphasis added.]

Words fail me.

Gonna need a bigger portal

I don’t know about you, but I suspect the first thing Hugh Freeze did after Auburn’s scrimmage on Saturday was to sprint back to his office, fire up the ol’ computer and scour the transfer portal.  That’s how scintillating a performance his quarterbacks turned in collectively.

Hugh Freeze on his quarterbacks after Auburn A-Day

"From this point, now until the end of fall camp, there's so much that needs to happen for somebody to solidify being 'the guy.' I think all have improved. I think all are still inconsistent"

QBs hit 5-of-12 passes for 60 yards pic.twitter.com/yaZYKhyfb1

— Auburn Gold Mine (@AUGoldMine) April 9, 2023

And there’s your War Eagle vote of confidence!

Blown away

So, here’s today’s question.

Alabama is hiring Liberty linebackers coach Robert Bala as its new inside linebackers coach, program sources confirmed to The Athletic on Saturday…

Bala, who came to Liberty after being the defensive coordinator at Southern Utah, had blown Hugh Freeze away in the interview process with his knowledge and demeanor. Bala obviously did something similar when he met with Saban earlier this week.

So, this guy blew Freeze away so strongly… that Freeze didn’t bring him to Auburn, but Saban’s grabbing him now?  I know he’s the GOAT and all, but that seems like I’m missing something.

Sanctimony

Auburn hired Hugh Freeze so the rest of us can be punished with pseudo-inspirational garbage like this during his tenure there?

Committed to each other, for Auburn 🦅 pic.twitter.com/8ExbWpaToy

— Auburn Football (@AuburnFootball) December 6, 2022

Gag me with a spoon.

Football gods, I hope you know what to do.

They can’t help themselves.

The least surprising thing about Hugh Freeze’s new Auburn contract?  This, easily.

While the full contract has yet to be made public by Auburn, Freeze’s deal also includes a considerable buyout should he be terminated without cause prior to the end of the contract. In the event that happens, Freeze would be owed 75 percent of the remaining money on his contract, the official confirmed.

It’s Auburn.  That’s how Auburn rolls.  Hell, for all I know, Sexton offered a 50 percent buyout and Auburn insisted on the higher percentage.

If at first you don’t succeed, spend, spend again.

Via Erik Evans (!), this is one helluva data point.

Auburn has now paid more money in buyouts to football coaches than Nick Saban has earned at the University of Alabama.

On the Plains, ROI is just a myth.