When last we heard from Corch Urban Meyer, he had his panties in a wad over Auburn’s badass stretch limo ride that Chizik’s staff was taking all over the state of Alabama to impress recruits. Instead of taking the snarkier road and snidely pointing out what that says about Auburn’s staff and the kids they’re trying to impress, Meyer chose to get all huffy and whine about NCAA violations.
Except it turns out he got bad intel.
There was much debate yesterday about Auburn taking white stretch limos on recruiting trips, and Urban Meyer crying foul to Pat Dooley of The Gainesville Sun. Well, it turns out Dooley misread the story about Auburn and thought the school was taking recruits in the limos, hence Meyer’s reaction.
Thanks to commenter Alabama Ag and Tech School for pointing out this mea culpa from Dooley last night:
“Ah, the World Wide Interweb (another movie reference). When you make a mistake, you’re going to hear it. Last week I had a Dooley Noted item about Auburn coaches parading recruits around in limos. I obviously misread the story because it was Auburn coaches in the limos going from school to school. War Eagle fans have corrected me with dozens of e-mails. My bad. Now calm down.”
My bad. Now calm down. Well, that certainly fixes everything. Those damned interwebs, screwing things up for Dooley and his ilk. If those assholes would just keep to themselves in their mommas’ basements, we’d have a lot less problems with the press.
No word on whether this will make for another chapter in Meyer’s next book. And the crack about ripping off shirts stands.
POSTSCRIPT: Now that I think about it, go back and read Meyer’s original quote, which was “The Florida coaching staff will not be riding around in limos or ripping off our shirts.” There’s no mention of recruits in that.
Perhaps I’m crazy, but while it’s clear that Dooley was talking completely out of his ass, I’m not so sure that Meyer was. Maybe he really thinks that coaches showing up in a limo is something the NCAA should look into.
Get The Picture 
Or maybe Corch Cryer thinks coaches ripping off their shirts should be looked into. He wasn’t clear on that point.
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Sitting in his cubbyhole somewhere in the underbelly of the loveliest village on the Plains, Chizik, shirt off, jock and flip flops on, puts down single wing offense playbook, looks out window to forty acres of pasture, admires the parked stretch limo and thinks to self, “That wasn’t right. It was a bad deal. It will forever be in the mind of whatever my first name is Chizik and in the mind of the Fighting Tiger War Eagle Plainsmen. We’ll handle it and it’s going to be a big deal.”
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Perhaps the NCAA should look into players that fire AK-47s in the air or use dead people’s credit cards. You keep going after that 1%, Corch Meyers.
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Somewhere from the gurgling bowels of teh Swamp, Head Corch Urban Meyers responds, “Why all the hatin’ on the celebratin’? Who knows, it could have been the start of deer season. No one got hit by the falling rounds. I did kick the credit card guy off the team. He’s at Ole Miss now. Houston, you got a problem. Go Gator!”
Corch, shirt off, jock and flip flops on, goes back to AutoTrader on the series of tubes looking for the longest stretch Hummer that the Bull Gators can buy for him. Corch thinks to self, “I wonder what whatever his first name is Chizik is doing now?”
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I can’t believe Dooley’s response.
He reports Auburn is committing recruiting violations, passes this information on to Urban Myer who (probably for the last time) accepts Dooley’s information at face-value, and then solicits a quote from Myer that subsequently creates a controversey for Myer that could have been avoided given that the story is wrong.
And Dooley’s response to all this it to offer a smugly dismissive “My bad. Now calm down” when called on it. Wonder if Myer will also accept a “my bad, calm down” from Dooley. Somehow I doubt it.
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Urban points, stares, puts Dooley in solitary for three days punk and piss in brig beneath Ben Hill Griffin.
Wonders if Dooley is mole for Lane. Urban orders Enhanced Interrogation of sportswriter where ‘my bad, now calm down’ just won’t cut it in the tough guy world known as the Urban Gator Nation.
Dooley soon to find out that what he did wasn’t right, it was a bad deal and it will be in the mind of Urban forever.
Urban tells Dooley to check Mark Richt’s twitter for verification purposes.
Interrogators from Raiford estimated time of arrival for Dooley questioning in brig is tomorrow.
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