You know, they say in the PR business that if there’s news you have to release when people aren’t paying attention — at least you hope they aren’t — it’s late Friday. Even better, late Friday on a holiday weekend.
That being said, I don’t think there’s late Friday enough to bury a news dump like this one.
The first thing you notice is that Briles is described as someone who “coached at three Texas universities” without, you know, actually mentioning Baylor by name.
There are so many cringeworthy quotes in that announcement that you wonder who thought it was a good idea to let people speak. Start with the man himself:
“High school football is a Texas institution. As a coach, it’s my first love. You’ll make no bigger impact in this world than when you shape the lives of young people — one practice, one game, and one life at a time.”
Oh, hells yeah.
His new boss is all into shaping, too.
“We are pleased to welcome Coach Briles back home to Texas,” he said. “He brings with him a wealth of not only football experience but also life experience. He is passionate about investing in the lives of young people and helping them to succeed both on the field and in life. After a thorough due diligence process and several earnest conversations, we believe our students will benefit greatly from his skills and experience.”
How people can say shit like this with a straight face is beyond me. Still, I have to say Grant Teaff, who once was the Executive Director of the American Football Coaches Association and — get this — supervisor of the association’s Ethics Committee, wins the holiday weekend with this beaut:
“I have known Art Briles for over 30 years as an extremely successful high school coach and through his years as a college coach,” he said. “I have observed him as a man, husband, father, grandfather, and as a coach, always forthright and stellar.”
He went on to say that Briles never incurred a single recruiting infraction during his time at the collegiate level, as if that matters.
Nah, all that matters is winning… football games, that is.
Sounds like they’re all in for that. High school, sheesh.