Doomed, I tells ‘ya. Doomed.

Clemson fan provides tonight’s comic relief.

Mike Bobo, you’ve been warned.  Don’t rely on Gurley and Marshall!

How Aaron Murray became the coaches’ all-SEC pick.

Year2 lists a bunch of reasons why the SEC coaches voted Aaron Murray pre-season all-SEC ahead of that Johnny guy.  It’s an okay list, and Year2 acknowledges the vote really means little in the grand scheme of things, but there’s another possibility he’s overlooked.  So let me tell you a story.

Imagine a bunch of the coaches going out for a drink or two at SEC Media Days.  They’ve already been relieved of the burden of having to vote then, so nobody can repeat Spurrier’s grave sin of forgetting to cast a vote for the GPOOE™ with the media present.  But after spending half an hour bitching about scheduling, they grow bored.

They crack a few Finebaum jokes – Saban’s is the funniest, of course – then Les Miles looks up and says “hey, how do you think ESPN would react if we voted Aaron Murray first team all-SEC?”  Mark Richt smiles and says, “that would be great for Aaron and I’m sure ESPN would give him the proper attention for that.”  Miles stares at Richt, perhaps wishing for a piece of grass to gnaw, and responds, “you kidding, Professor?  It’ll be all about Johnny Football.”

Richt shakes his head.  “No way.  All those passing records, and possibly a third straight appearance in the SECCG?  Aaron would be the story.”  Sumlin thinks to himself, “man, this guy’s more delusional than our fan base.”

And then Miles says it:  “I’ll bet you five bucks I’m right, Mark.”  Richt immediately takes the bet.  The rest of the coaches follow.  And the vote is taken.

Pay up, Mark.

Remember this day.

August 22, 2013.  It’s the day that marks the first appearance of the Bobby Petrino, changed man meme.

Well, at least the latest version of said meme.

Maybe we’re not speaking the right language.

Auburn asks its fan base what can be done to improve the game day experience and comes up with (1) more free parking; (2) more tailgating areas; (3) more staffing for tailgate areas; (4) increased lights, transit pickup spots and restroom availability for the tailgate areas… well, you get the idea.

And now it’s Georgia’s turn.

“We’re pleased to introduce several changes to our gameday experience based on feedback from our fans and evaluations by our staff,” Director of Athletics Greg McGarity said, “We feel like these new opportunities will continue to help us make Saturdays between the hedges the best gameday experience in college football.”

Don’t burn any couches yet.  When the big new developments include $8 all the Coke you can drink cups and more Sonny’s BBQ stations, they’re not exactly a cause for celebration (unless you’re Sonny, I guess).

Although maybe this one is worthy of appreciation:

The new digital ticketing process will allow fans to easily transfer tickets online and to print-at-home capabilities, reducing the need for in-person will call opportunities on gamedays.

They’re making it easier for us to dispose of our North Texas tickets.  So we season ticket holders have that going for us.  Thanks for listening, Greg!

Pleased to meet you.

So there you are at a Rolling Stones concert, digging Mick and Keef, grooving to Charlie Watts’ rock steady beat, rocking out to “Brown Sugar”, “Bitch” and other classics, maybe even shakin’ to “When The Whip Comes Down”, when you accidently bump into the guy next to you, turn to apologize…

and discover that he’s Nick Saban.

Yeah, that would be a little strange.

Don’t you know? It’s their birthright!

Mike Bianchi does one of his classic pot stirs with this piece about Florida’s 2014 schedule (although you wonder if the outrage would be the same if Corch were still in Gainesville).  And if this doesn’t express the classic sense of Gator entitlement succinctly, I don’t know what does:

Do you realize if the Gators don’t win the SEC title this year or next, it will have been seven years since they won an SEC Championship?

Who would have ever thought this could happen?

It’s, it’s inconceivable!  Somebody needs to alert the media… oh, wait.

Envy and jealousy: prehistoric Florida

You gotta love Paul Myerberg’s lede in his look at preseason #14 (!) Florida:

Florida has scored 647 points in coach Will Muschamp’s first two seasons, scoring 331 points in 2011 and 344 points in 2012 for an overall average of 25.92 points per game. Florida ranked eighth in the SEC in scoring in 2011 and 10th a year ago, though the latter didn’t stop the Gators from reaching a BCS bowl, the program’s seventh.

But no Florida teams since 1988-89 had ever scored fewer points during a two-year span – and in Gainesville, 1988-89 are known more popularly as “the two years prior to Steve Spurrier’s arrival.”

I’m sure Gator fans would agree, if any of ’em would admit to remembering that era.  Or maybe they just refer to that time as “B.S.” (before Spurrier).

Mark Richt wins the fall practice Dawg Porn.

I don’t think anybody’s gonna top this:

TB Todd Gurley was held out of the scrimmage. "We've seen enough of him," Richt said.

— Marc Weiszer (@marcweiszer) August 22, 2013

Don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a mite tingly now.