I just can’t quit you, baby.

There’s a fine line between whining and fixating and Spurdog’s about to cross it.

Spurrier: "'Bama had the weakest sked in West; UGA had the weakest on our side. I find it interesting, haven’t seen anybody write that"

— Josh Kendall (@JoshTheAthletic) November 26, 2012

Surely he jests.  Are we honestly supposed to believe he hasn’t seen a single goddamned thing written about Georgia’s schedule in the last two weeks alone?

It’s getting close to the point that I want Georgia to win the MNC not for the title itself, but just to see if the OBC’s head really will explode in the offseason.

“Hello, this is Harvey Updyke. Can I speak with Mark Schlabach?”

I mean, damn, what do you do when you get a phone call like this?

… Just ask Harvey Updyke, the infamous Alabama fan who allegedly poisoned the beloved trees at Auburn’s Toomer’s Corner after the Tigers won the 2010 national title. He made an unsolicited telephone call to this humble correspondent from a psychiatric facility in Tuscaloosa, Ala., on Sunday night.

Updyke said he has been a patient at Taylor-Hardin Secure Medical Facility, where doctors are evaluating whether he’s fit to stand trial on criminal charges for poisoning the trees. He has pleaded not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect to charges that include criminal mischief and desecrating a venerable object. Updyke’s trial was supposed to start in October, but the case has been delayed indefinitely.

So for now, Updyke will worry about Alabama’s chances of winning it all again.

“I think Alabama can run it on Georgia,” Updyke said. “The key to that game is who doesn’t make mistakes, just like a lot of them. I feel confident that Alabama can run it on them.”

Updyke said he was able to watch the Crimson Tide rout Auburn 49-0 in Saturday’s Iron Bowl on TV from his hospital room.

“I thought it was great,” Updyke said. “I got to watch it. When I was in the Auburn jail, they wouldn’t let me watch [Alabama]. I missed the LSU game and the others.”

There’s not a chance he’ll miss Saturday’s game in Atlanta.

I hope somebody’s keeping a close eye on Russ’ Kibbles ‘n Bits.

I wonder if Schlabach told Updyke he’s picking Georgia to win.

There are a lot of programs looking for one-dimensional coaches right now.

The Hive does unintentional comedy.  Killing, Jerry.  Killing.

Dana Holgorsen ❤ Charlie Weis.

Feel the respect.

RT @AllanTaylorWVU: #WVU's Holgo: "We're going to be at a schematic disadvantage" against KU's staff, rich with NFL experience.

— Bruce Feldman (@BruceFeldmanCFB) November 26, 2012

Seriously, is there anybody in college football who likes Weis?

Envy and jealousy: a fitting epitaph

The ultimate comment on Chizik’s dismissal comes from Ivan Maisel, who absolutely nails it with this paragraph:

The Tigers started out as a team yearning to be mediocre and never improved. In fact, by the end of the season, Auburn set school records for ineptitude. The Tigers lost to their biggest rivals, No. 3 Georgia and No. 2 Alabama, by a combined score of 87-0. An Auburn coach could be forgiven many things, several of them prosecutable, before he could be forgiven those losses.

If you picture that as the preacher’s few choice words as the dirt is being shoveled over the coffin, it really works.

Dink NeSmith’s wet dream

Okay, it’s not exactly a doubling of his salary, but if NeSmith’s keen insight into what motivates Mark Richt is on target, we ought to be able to sit back, relax and enjoy Georgia’s effort Saturday night.

If #UGA wins Saturday, Mark Richt will make at least half a million dollars. $200K for SEC win, $300K for going to BCS title game,

— Radi Nabulsi (@RadiNabulsi) November 26, 2012

It’s in the bag, right?

Okay, so now you tell us.

A couple of hindsight is always 20/20 stories for your amusement:

First, we learn that the high school coaches nearest to SOD Country never had much use for the guy, because he didn’t have much use for them.  There’s a lot of hurt feefees on display, as well as sour grapes.

“I didn’t like that staff, to be honest,” Price said. “I grew up in this state and I would go to the games about every week and wanted to support them. I’m a Tennessee fan, but we never heard anything from them. Not even a visit just to introduce who was recruiting our area or a call or anything. It was like they didn’t care whether they had any relationship with us at all, so how would we ever feel good about sending a kid there once we had one they wanted?

“I’ve been coaching a long time and dealt with a lot of coaches at every level, and those guys were the worst as far as feeling like they wanted to work with you or have any relationship at all with the high school coaches.”

Sumbitches!  And here’s the best part:  “The lack-of-communication complaint was echoed by all 37 coaches who responded to the poll, and each said the staffs under former coaches Phillip Fulmer and Lane Kiffin seemed to care more about building a working relationship.”  Hey, great!  And how did that work out for Tennessee?

But that’s mild stuff compared with Kevin Scarbinsky’s don’t-let-the-door-hit-you-in-the-ass farewell to Gene Chizik.  It’s a classic of the genre.  Even if just half of what’s in there is true, it’s hard to see how Jay Jacobs still has a job this morning.

My favorite part:

Newton, Fairley and the seniors received plenty of credit for the national title. So did offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn, whose attack set school and SEC records. People close to Chizik believe he felt slighted in the afterglow even though he deserved and earned praise for his steady hand as allegations of recruiting violations threatened Newton’s eligibility.

Chizik seemed to change after the national title. It’s not uncommon for coaches to write books after that kind of season, but his – “All In: What It Takes to Be the Best” – was far more about him than about the team.

I guess they should have read his book more carefully.  They can probably get a cheap copy of it now, though.

His-toe-ree.

Okay, it’s not TIAR, B!, but this’ll do in a pinch.

The No. 3 Bulldogs did the rest, plowing through Tech’s defense and proving themselves the superior outfit for the 11th time in the past 12 years. It’s the most one-sided 12-game stretch in series history, replacing 10-2 runs that spanned 1971-1982, 1972-1983 and 1986-1997.

We’ve got a bunch of high school footballers who’ve grown up with the lesson that Tech stands a better chance of playing in the ACC title game than beating Georgia.  That a Georgia loss in the series is an accident.  That’s Chantastic.

Fabris Invitational results and standings, Week 13

Another perfect week for somebody.

Standings for Week 13
Rank	Selection	Adj Scores	Picks Edit	W-L	Pts	Tie Breaker UF – FSU 37 – 26	Tie Breaker Winner
1	By Georgia we did it’s picks			10-0	10	20-21
2	zachda’s picks			9-1	9	38-34
2	Double Dawg’s picks			9-1	9	34-17
2	RocknRollExpress’s picks			9-1	9	24-21
2	Cojones’s picks			9-1	9	21-20
2	Loran’s Locks			9-1	9	21-17
2	i blame Blutarsky			9-1	9	20-17
2	wtjoyner’s picks			9-1	9	9-6
2	BulldogBry’s picks			9-1	9	20-24
2	Biggen’s picks			9-1	9	21-42

And the standings lead narrowed a wee bit. But with only one week to go, it’ll be tough to catch the leader.

Overall Standings Through Week 13
Rank	Selection	W-L	Pts	Tie Breaker Winner
1	4boysbrew’s picks	82-48	82
2	UGA-DAWG-in-TN’s picks	78-52	78
3	Ross Oglesby	77-53	77
3	ImOpen!’s picks	77-53	77
3	DawgRocker hates the spread	77-53	77
6	Moore Determined	76-54	76
6	rmj4uga’s picks	76-54	76

As for me, it looks like I picked the wrong week to give up making good picks. Ah, hell.

My SEC Power Poll ballot, Week 13

I’m going to outsource the intro here to Chase Stuart, who I think does a nice job of summarizing the state of the conference at this late point in the schedule:

For a long time, the refrain among SEC folks was “there are no off weeks in the SEC.” If no team emerged with a perfect record, that was simply a testament to the depth of the conference. But this year has to go down as one of the most predictable seasons in the history of the SEC — or any other conference. There are six excellent teams representing the First Class of the conference: Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Texas A&M, LSU, and South Carolina.

There are four genuinely terrible teams: Auburn, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Arkansas are the cellar dwellers, or Lower Class members. That leaves a lean, two-tiered middle class. Vanderbilt stands alone as an upper-middle class member, with the three M schools of the conference (Mississippi, Missouri, and Mississippi State) are lower-middle class schools. As it turned out, there are caste systems with more mobility than the SEC had in 2012. With 14 teams playing 8 conference games each, that leaves 56 conference games for the SEC. Here is what happened:

• The First Class (Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Texas A&M, LSU, and South Carolina) went 30-0 in games against the rest of the conference, with 21 of those wins coming by at least 14 points.
• The Upper Middle Class (Vanderbilt) was equally predictable, going 0-3 against the First Class and 5-0 against everyone else.
• The Lower Middle Class (MSU, Mississippi and Missouri) went 0-12 against the First Class, with 9 losses coming by at least 19 points. They also went 0-2 against the Upper Middle Class, but finished 8-0 against the Lower Class, with 6 of those wins coming by double digits.
• The Bottom Class (Auburn, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Arkansas) finished 0-26 against the rest of the conference, with 18 of those losses coming by double digits.

As I’ve commented before, the conference seems more stratified this year than it has been.  What’s interesting, though, is that some of the doormats have moved up in the world this year, while a couple of teams which were thought to be competitive blew up.

It’s also worth noting that the West no longer appears to be as dominant over the East as it was a year ago.

1. Alabama.  The surest bet about last week’s games was that Alabama was going to beat Auburn by a greater margin than Georgia did.
2. Georgia.  Mark Richt has lost control over needing help to win a national title.
3. Texas A&M.  The Aggies treated Missouri as if they’d been in the SEC for years.
4. Florida.  The Gators have only played one game this season in which they came out on the short end of the turnover margin stick.  They lost that game.
5. LSU.  Late in the season, the Tigers seem to have lost a bit of their edge.
6. South Carolina.  This marks the second straight year the ‘Cocks have dropped a spot in the division standings.
7. Vanderbilt.  With this program’s history, making the second bowl game under James Franklin is an even more impressive feat than making the first one was.
8. Mississippi.  I know he won’t win, but getting this Ole Miss team to a bowl game ought to garner Hugh Freeze some serious consideration for SEC coach of the year honors.
9. Mississippi State.  So now Dan Mullen gets to experience life on the other side of the new hot-shot in town coin.
10. Missouri.  Where would you like to have that warmest seat in the SEC delivered to, Coach Pinkel?
11. Arkansas.  Exactly what is the school going to have John L. Smith consulting about during the rest of his contract?  Investment tips?
12. Tennessee.  The Vols get their first conference win of the season.  Assuming you count Kentucky as a conference team, that is.
13. Auburn.  You’ve got a program that fires coaches who go undefeated, has to battle the Process in Tuscaloosa and has the NCAA sniffing around.  That’s a helluva sales pitch to make to the guy who succeeds Chizik.
14. Kentucky.  Not that Kentucky wouldn’t trade places with Auburn.